More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people have suggested that governments should increase the cost of unhealthy foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
An increasing number of people are becoming obesegetting excessively obese. Therefore, some peopleTherefore some people have advised that governmentsGovernmentment should increase the price of unhealthyharmful foods. I totally agree with this opinion because their consumption and adverse effects will be minimised.
To begin with, the higherheightened cost of junk food will decrease the rate at which people consume itthem. High prices will compel people to buy less of itthem and opt for less expensive healthy foodsfoods which are healthy. For example, according to the statistics collecteddone in 2020 on the consumption of pizza and burgers, the data showed thatit was discovered that a surge in their prices brought down the consumption rate by 40 % at the end of the year. Therefore, an increase in unhealthy food pricesan increment in unhealthy food fees will reduce the consumption ratecut down the feeding rate, reducing the obesity rate.
Similarly, the side effects of consuming unhealthy foodtaking non-nutritious foods will be minimised. Lower consumptionLess eating as a result of higher pricesthe inflated price will consequently reduce the harmful effects that are associated with such foodscome with them by reducing exposure to harmful ingredientsbecause of less exposure to their dangerous constituents. To illustrate, a drop in the proportion of adiposity in Nigeria in 2020 has been reported to be linked to low consumption of unhealthy diets by the citizens because they are not affordable and satisfying compared to other kinds.
In conclusion, I totally agree with higher prices for foodshigh pay for foods that are not beneficial to health to curb the growing number of overweight peoplethe increasing overweight population. This is because it will reduce the amount consumed as well as the disorders associated with such foodsthe disorders associated with them.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response states a clear position, follows a sensible paragraph structure, and explains how higher prices could reduce unhealthy-food consumption. Its main limitation is that the second argument largely repeats the first causal chain, while several awkward word choices weaken precision. The most useful improvement would be to develop a genuinely distinct supporting reason and express it with natural collocations, supported by a more carefully explained example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The question is addressed with a consistent position and relevant support, but the two main ideas overlap and development remains somewhat general.
Add a distinct second justification, such as funding public health measures or changing manufacturer behaviour, and develop its mechanism fully.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and overall progression are clear, although linking is somewhat mechanical and some references are imprecise.
Use clearer noun references in place of ambiguous pronouns and connect the body paragraphs through their distinct functions.
Lexical Resource
The response has sufficient topic vocabulary, but frequent awkward collocations such as feeding rate and high pay reduce naturalness and precision.
Choose standard expressions such as consumption rate, higher prices, and health problems, and avoid forcing uncommon vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of complex and simple sentences communicates the argument clearly, despite recurring slips in punctuation, agreement, and clause construction.
Proofread sentence boundaries, pronoun agreement, and comparative clauses, especially in the longer example sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people have suggested that governments should increase the cost of unhealthy foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.