More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people have suggested that governments should increase the cost of unhealthy foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Being overweight is severe for those who gain weight daily just by eating unhealthy foods, and everyone knows that being overweight brings various diseases with them and to get safe from those diseases, people must take care of their weight. Some people say that if the government can increase the cost of unhealthy food, then people become fit on that topic; I am going to explain some of my viewpoints.
If I talk about being overweight nowadays, every third person has increased weight just by eating unhealthy food. So I think that is not good for people because being overweight is an issue for fat people because fat can bring many diseases and also reduces the personality of the person. Hence, people have to follow the proper diet and eat only healthy food to get from the disease. I read an article 1 year ago, and this article clearly said that every disease is concerned with fat.
However, some people suggest that an increase in the price of unhealthy and junk food may people prevent from becoming overweight and this is a trick somehow but not a permanent solution to get rid of this only people can work on themselves and their bodies to eat with discipline and eat healthy food always sometimes they can eat junk food but just for the taste. However, most of the time, they eat proper home-cooked meals and maintain their body shape.
In conclusion, this is the responsibility of not only the government but also for every individual to get serious about their health because, as everyone says, health is wealth.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: Being overweight is severe Suggested revision: Being overweight is a serious problem Why it matters: The adjective 'severe' does not naturally describe the state of being overweight here.
- 2. Clarify the cause Original: gain weight daily just by eating unhealthy foods Suggested revision: gain weight through regularly eating unhealthy foods Why it matters: The revision expresses the repeated cause more naturally.
- 3. Fix the collocation Original: being overweight brings various diseases with them Suggested revision: being overweight can cause various diseases Why it matters: Diseases are caused by a condition rather than brought with a person.
- 4. Use precise wording Original: to get safe from those diseases Suggested revision: to protect themselves from those diseases Why it matters: 'Protect themselves from' is the natural expression for avoiding harm.
- 5. Choose a precise verb Original: take care of their weight Suggested revision: manage their weight Why it matters: 'Manage their weight' states the intended action more precisely.
- 6. Open directly Original: If I talk about being overweight nowadays Suggested revision: Regarding obesity today Why it matters: The revision removes unnecessary personal framing and introduces the topic directly.
- 7. Correct the expression Original: every third person has increased weight Suggested revision: one in three people is overweight Why it matters: The original phrase does not idiomatically express a proportion of overweight people.
- 8. State the effect clearly Original: So I think that is not good for people Suggested revision: This is harmful Why it matters: The concise revision avoids vague wording and personal framing.
- 9. Use formal wording Original: an issue for fat people Suggested revision: a health concern for people with obesity Why it matters: The revision is more precise and appropriately formal.
- 10. Fix the collocation Original: fat can bring many diseases Suggested revision: excess body fat can cause many diseases Why it matters: 'Cause diseases' is the appropriate collocation, and 'excess body fat' is more precise.
- 11. Express the meaning clearly Original: reduces the personality of the person Suggested revision: can affect a person's appearance Why it matters: The original wording is not meaningful in this context, while the revision preserves the intended physical effect.
- 12. Use natural phrasing Original: the proper diet Suggested revision: a balanced diet Why it matters: 'A balanced diet' is the conventional expression in this context.
Suggested Rewrites
- Being overweight is severe Being overweight is a serious problem
- gain weight daily just by eating unhealthy foods gain weight through regularly eating unhealthy foods
- being overweight brings various diseases with them being overweight can cause various diseases
- to get safe from those diseases to protect themselves from those diseases
- take care of their weight manage their weight
- If I talk about being overweight nowadays Regarding obesity today
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response has a clear paragraph structure and recognises that both government policy and personal responsibility matter. However, its position on increasing food prices remains only partly clear, and the supporting ideas are repetitive, general, and sometimes difficult to follow because of inaccurate language and run-on sentences. Prioritise a direct degree-of-agreement thesis, then develop two focused reasons with specific explanations or examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the topic and offers a relevant view, but the degree of agreement is unclear and the main ideas receive limited, sometimes unsupported development.
State clearly how far you support the price increase and develop each reason with a specific causal explanation or credible example.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing provides a basic progression, but repetition, imprecise linking, and a very long run-on body paragraph weaken coherence.
Give each body paragraph one controlling idea and divide long chains of thought into clearly linked sentences.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for the topic, though repetition and frequent inaccurate collocations reduce precision and naturalness.
Use more precise health and policy vocabulary while checking collocations such as prevent people from becoming overweight.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are attempts at complex structures, but frequent errors in sentence boundaries, word order, agreement, and prepositions cause strain.
Control complete sentence boundaries first, then practise shorter complex sentences with accurate clause structure and verb patterns.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people have suggested that governments should increase the cost of unhealthy foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.