More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people have suggested that governments should increase the cost of unhealthy foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is undeniable that more and more people are gaining extra weight. While some people advise it, they believe that if local authorities put a heavy tax on these unhealthy food items and raise their prices, then obesity may decrease. I disagree with the given statement because obesity can only manage with people’s own awareness, whilst heavy taxes reduce the use of these foods to some extent.
Admittedly, those who believe that government must upsurge the prices of unhealthy food give the following reasons. First, people use that kind of item because it is a convenient way to eat. They become workaholics and do not have time to cook healthy homemade food. Hence the only option has fast food is rose obesity, and these things pass from generation to generation. For instance, these food items are readily available at the local vendor on every street for just 20Rs. Consequently, if legislation put a heavy tax on such items, people would decline their use. Moreover, that is why some have opted to increase the price of these foods by the government.
Despite that, people have their understanding towards life that only reduce these fat foods use if they have an awareness of their health. Of course, unions can not stop people from using these things because people have enough money for their subsistence and resistance; thus, only increasing prices may not stop them from using those kinds of items. For instance, in western society, people are more educated. They have set their minds on healthy food as they have learned from elders’ mistakes why their older have a dangerous diseases like cancer or obesity. Thus, they shun to use unhealthy food at their own levels.
In conclusion, obesity is not reduced without people’s awareness of a healthy lifestyle. Despite that, other people feel that ministry would raise the prices of unhealthy food it overcomes the overweight. In my view, only people’s own deeds or responsibility towards their bodies can reduce this problem.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove faulty contrast Original: While some people advise it, they believe Suggested revision: Some people believe Why it matters: “While” introduces no meaningful contrast here, and “advise it” has no clear referent.
- 2. Use passive voice Original: obesity can only manage Suggested revision: obesity can only be managed Why it matters: Obesity receives the action, so the modal verb requires the passive form “be managed.”
- 3. Use a natural verb Original: government must upsurge Suggested revision: the government must increase Why it matters: The countable institution needs an article, and “increase” is the natural verb for prices.
- 4. Name the item clearly Original: item Suggested revision: food Why it matters: “Food” states the intended referent more precisely than the vague noun “item.”
- 5. Use precise phrasing Original: a convenient way to eat Suggested revision: a convenient meal option Why it matters: This wording accurately describes fast food as an available choice.
- 6. Use a logical plural Original: the local vendor on every street Suggested revision: local vendors on every street Why it matters: A single vendor cannot naturally be located on every street, so the noun should be plural.
- 7. Format the currency Original: 20Rs Suggested revision: Rs 20 Why it matters: The currency abbreviation conventionally precedes the amount and is separated from it.
- 8. Fix actor and tense Original: if legislation put Suggested revision: if the government imposed Why it matters: A government imposes a tax, and the hypothetical conditional requires the past form “imposed.”
- 9. Correct the collocation Original: decline their use Suggested revision: reduce their consumption Why it matters: People “reduce their consumption” of food rather than “decline its use.”
- 10. Name the correct actor Original: unions can not stop Suggested revision: governments cannot stop Why it matters: “Governments” matches the public authorities discussed throughout the essay, and “cannot” is written as one word.
- 11. Clarify the meaning Original: people have enough money for their subsistence and resistance Suggested revision: people may still have enough money to buy them Why it matters: The original nouns do not express the intended idea that consumers can still afford the foods.
- 12. Use natural emphasis Original: only increasing prices Suggested revision: increasing prices alone Why it matters: “Alone” clearly shows that this measure may be insufficient by itself.
Suggested Rewrites
- While some people advise it, they believe Some people believe
- obesity can only manage obesity can only be managed
- government must upsurge the government must increase
- item food
- a convenient way to eat a convenient meal option
- the local vendor on every street local vendors on every street
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay presents a clear position and uses a conventional structure to compare taxation with personal health awareness. However, supporting explanations are often repetitive or only partly convincing, while frequent grammatical and vocabulary errors make several sentences difficult to follow. The highest priority is to express one well-developed reason per paragraph in accurate, straightforward language and connect each example explicitly to the argument.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the question and maintains a clear disagreement, but several ideas and examples are insufficiently explained or convincing.
Develop fewer reasons more fully by explaining exactly why awareness would be more effective than higher prices.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a recognisable introduction-body-conclusion structure, though progression within paragraphs is weakened by repetition and unclear links.
Give each body paragraph one controlling idea and use logical links that state the relationship between claims explicitly.
Lexical Resource
The writer attempts a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate word choices and collocations obscure meaning.
Use familiar, precise terms and check combinations such as raise prices, reduce consumption, and older people before adding ambitious vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex forms are attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, clauses, articles, and verb patterns reduce clarity.
Build accurate subject-verb structures first, then check every complex sentence for a complete and grammatically connected main clause.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people have suggested that governments should increase the cost of unhealthy foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.