More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people have suggested that governments should increase the cost of unhealthy foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is undeniable that more and more people are gaining extra weight. Some people believeWhile some people advise it, they believe that if local authorities put a heavy tax on these unhealthy food items and raise their prices, then obesity may decrease. I disagree with the given statement because obesity can only be managedobesity can only manage with people’s own awareness, whilst heavy taxes reduce the use of these foods to some extent.
Admittedly, those who believe that the government must increasegovernment must upsurge the prices of unhealthy food give the following reasons. First, people use that kind of fooditem because it is a convenient meal optiona convenient way to eat. They become workaholics and do not have time to cook healthy homemade food. Hence the only option has fast food is rose obesity, and these things pass from generation to generation. For instance, these food items are readily available at local vendors on every streetthe local vendor on every street for just Rs 2020Rs. Consequently, if the government imposedif legislation put a heavy tax on such items, people would reduce their consumptiondecline their use. Moreover, that is why some have opted to increase the price of these foods by the government.
Despite that, people have their understanding towards life that only reduce these fat foods use if they have an awareness of their health. Of course, governments cannot stopunions can not stop people from using these things because people may still have enough money to buy thempeople have enough money for their subsistence and resistance; thus, increasing prices aloneonly increasing prices may not stop them from using those kinds of items. For instance, in Western societieswestern society, people are more educated. They have set their minds on healthy food as they have learned from elders’ mistakes why their older have a dangerous diseases like cancer or obesity. Thus, they avoidshun to use unhealthy food in their own livesat their own levels.
In conclusion, obesity is not reduced without people’s awareness of a healthy lifestyle. However, other people feel that if the governmentDespite that, other people feel that ministry raisedwould raise the prices of unhealthy food, it would reduce obesityunhealthy food it overcomes the overweight. In my view, only people’s own deeds or responsibility towards their bodies can reduce this problem.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay presents a clear position and uses a conventional structure to compare taxation with personal health awareness. However, supporting explanations are often repetitive or only partly convincing, while frequent grammatical and vocabulary errors make several sentences difficult to follow. The highest priority is to express one well-developed reason per paragraph in accurate, straightforward language and connect each example explicitly to the argument.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the question and maintains a clear disagreement, but several ideas and examples are insufficiently explained or convincing.
Develop fewer reasons more fully by explaining exactly why awareness would be more effective than higher prices.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a recognisable introduction-body-conclusion structure, though progression within paragraphs is weakened by repetition and unclear links.
Give each body paragraph one controlling idea and use logical links that state the relationship between claims explicitly.
Lexical Resource
The writer attempts a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate word choices and collocations obscure meaning.
Use familiar, precise terms and check combinations such as raise prices, reduce consumption, and older people before adding ambitious vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex forms are attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, clauses, articles, and verb patterns reduce clarity.
Build accurate subject-verb structures first, then check every complex sentence for a complete and grammatically connected main clause.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people have suggested that governments should increase the cost of unhealthy foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.