The age of Information Technology has taken a lot of people by surprise. While it has become a way of life for some, others know very little about it and maybe unlikely to learn. Eventually, as a result of this division, we will have a polarized society and this will lead to serious social problems. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Sample Response
Our highly informatics era became quite a shock for many of us. At the time one part of society uses new means of information very actively, other people stay in the dark without any chance to make an approach to understanding new technologies. This problem has a potential danger of slicing the society into two parts which would never understand each other. It is the fact that many of everyday activities became available for computer users only. For example, if you are a university student, you are supposed to submit your term paper as typed and printed document, they no longer accept hand-written papers. Furthermore, some manufacturers do not distribute information leaflets but give a website address on their products’ packs, thus only the Internet users can have an access to product details. The last but not the least, the computer skills became a crucial requirement for employment in urban areas. Meanwhile, inhabitants of rural areas do not need new means of acquiring information. Their work and everyday activities do not demand using computers. For example, a farmer can use radio to hear the news and ordinary mail to communicate. Taking into account the fact not every citizen can use new information technologies, governments would not change the traditional ways of interaction with their people. It is highly unlikely people would no longer have a possibility to vote by filling papers by hand or do other activities, important for their citizenship. Informatics of society affected those, who have a need for instant information exchange. People, whose lifestyle do not require any haste in communication have an opportunity to use traditional ways of it. I am assured that as long as the situation does not make others change their way of life against their will, there is no risk of receiving serious social problems.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use correct technology term Original: informatics Suggested revision: computerized Why it matters: Informatics does not function naturally as an adjective describing an era.
- 2. Use present perfect Original: became quite a shock Suggested revision: has come as quite a shock Why it matters: The present perfect correctly links the technological change to its present impact.
- 3. Mark the contrast Original: At the time one part of society Suggested revision: While one part of society Why it matters: While correctly introduces the contrast with other people in the main clause.
- 4. Name technology precisely Original: new means of information Suggested revision: new information technologies Why it matters: Information technologies is the natural term for the digital tools being discussed.
- 5. Remove awkward phrasing Original: without any chance to make an approach to understanding Suggested revision: with little opportunity to understand Why it matters: The revision expresses limited access to technological learning clearly and naturally.
- 6. Use concise risk phrase Original: has a potential danger of slicing Suggested revision: risks dividing Why it matters: Risks dividing states the potential social split directly and idiomatically.
- 7. Remove unnecessary article Original: the society Suggested revision: society Why it matters: Society is used without the definite article when referring to society in general.
- 8. Correct fixed expression Original: It is the fact that Suggested revision: The fact is that Why it matters: The fact is that is the standard grammatical construction.
- 9. Remove incorrect preposition Original: many of everyday activities Suggested revision: many everyday activities Why it matters: Of is not used before a general plural noun phrase without a determiner.
- 10. Use present perfect Original: became available Suggested revision: have become available Why it matters: The present perfect describes a change that continues to affect current activities.
- 11. Correct availability phrase Original: for computer users only Suggested revision: only to computer users Why it matters: Something is available to a group rather than for that group in this construction.
- 12. Use natural packaging term Original: products’ packs Suggested revision: product packaging Why it matters: Product packaging is the conventional phrase for the material carrying product information.
Suggested Rewrites
- informatics computerized
- became quite a shock has come as quite a shock
- At the time one part of society While one part of society
- new means of information new information technologies
- without any chance to make an approach to understanding with little opportunity to understand
- has a potential danger of slicing risks dividing
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response's strongest feature is its attempt to examine both the pressure created by digital systems and the continuing availability of traditional alternatives, leading to a clear disagreement with inevitable serious problems. Its main limitation is uneven reasoning and frequent unnatural language: several claims about rural needs and government behaviour are asserted rather than demonstrated. The priority is to state the qualified position earlier and develop each supporting reason through a clear cause-and-effect chain.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay addresses the predicted social division and eventually presents a clear position, but key assumptions about rural life and continued offline access are insufficiently supported.
State the degree of disagreement in the introduction and explain why maintaining offline options would reliably prevent polarisation and serious social harm.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument moves from digital exclusion to rural alternatives and government provision, but the single-paragraph structure and abrupt shifts weaken progression.
Use separate paragraphs for the risk of exclusion and the reasons it may not become a serious social problem, linked by an explicit concession.
Lexical Resource
There is some range for discussing technology and society, but frequent awkward collocations such as "informatics era," "make an approach," and "receive problems" reduce precision.
Use natural academic phrases such as "information age," "gain access," "bridge the digital divide," and "cause social problems."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of sentence forms conveys the broad argument, but recurring tense, article, agreement, and clause-boundary errors reduce accuracy.
Correct patterns such as "have become," "access to," and "people whose lifestyles do not require," and separate comma-spliced clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The age of Information Technology has taken a lot of people by surprise. While it has become a way of life for some, others know very little about it and maybe unlikely to learn. Eventually, as a result of this division, we will have a polarized society and this will lead to serious social problems. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.