Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
In recent days, there is an ongoing debate whether the main factor of working is a salary or an enjoyable environment. Some assert that having high income will help people solving the economic problems, while the others believe that gaining happiness is not only because of having much money but the important one is working in a friendly place. I personally reckon that both views are essential things but I think having enjoyable work is the most important one. Therefore, I will support my view with some considerations.
People obtaining high income will be able to encounter their financial problems because they can fulfil their daily needs. They believe that money can buy happiness because people will be able to buy some luxury things which amuse them. However, it can make them money oriented people. They spend much time only for working consequently they have no time with their family or even their own. Furthermore, they will be full of stress in accomplishing their workload.
On the other hand, people who overly enjoy their time in working field will consider their jobs as something which they love to do so because it is supported by the environment. It can increase their motivation in finishing the workloads. Taken the example, when an employee is encouraged by the others around them, they will try to give their best in their jobs. Moreover, it can increase the sense of belonging towards their works.
To sum up, having high salary is not only the primary factor to gain a bright future life, but it also needs affection in the workplace.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural time phrase Original: In recent days Suggested revision: Nowadays Why it matters: In recent days refers to only the last few days, whereas the statement describes a current general debate.
- 2. Add required preposition Original: debate whether Suggested revision: debate over whether Why it matters: The noun debate takes over before an embedded whether clause in this construction.
- 3. Clarify the comparison Original: the main factor of working Suggested revision: the main consideration in choosing a job Why it matters: The original phrase is unnatural and does not clearly name the employment choice being discussed.
- 4. Make terms parallel Original: a salary or an enjoyable environment Suggested revision: salary or an enjoyable work environment Why it matters: Adding work makes the second alternative specific and parallel to the employment context.
- 5. Use precise wording Original: both views are essential things Suggested revision: both considerations are important Why it matters: Considerations is a precise noun for the two factors, while essential things is vague and unnatural.
- 6. Use natural expression Original: having enjoyable work Suggested revision: enjoying one's work Why it matters: Enjoying one's work is the idiomatic way to express satisfaction with a job.
- 7. Complete the comparison Original: the most important one Suggested revision: more important Why it matters: More important correctly compares enjoyable work with salary, whereas most requires comparison with a larger set.
- 8. Correct noun phrase Original: People obtaining high income Suggested revision: People who earn high incomes Why it matters: The relative clause and plural count noun produce a natural general statement.
- 9. Correct the collocation Original: encounter Suggested revision: address Why it matters: Address problems means deal with them, while encounter means meet or experience them.
- 10. Use natural phrasing Original: full of stress in accomplishing their workload Suggested revision: under considerable stress while completing their work Why it matters: The replacement uses natural collocations for experiencing stress and completing work.
- 11. Clarify the subject Original: people who overly enjoy their time in working field Suggested revision: people who greatly enjoy their work Why it matters: The original wording is unnatural and working field lacks the article and precision needed here.
- 12. Remove redundant word Original: as something which they love to do so Suggested revision: as something they love to do Why it matters: So is redundant after do because the object something has already been stated.
Suggested Rewrites
- In recent days Nowadays
- debate whether debate over whether
- the main factor of working the main consideration in choosing a job
- a salary or an enjoyable environment salary or an enjoyable work environment
- both views are essential things both considerations are important
- having enjoyable work enjoying one's work
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is strongest in its recognizable discussion of both salary and job enjoyment, supported by a clear paragraph structure and several relevant consequences. Its main limitation is that the ideas remain fairly general and the final sentence does not clearly restate the stated preference; the highest-priority improvement is to sustain an unambiguous opinion and develop each side with a precise example in more accurate language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed and an opinion is stated, but support is general and the conclusion expresses the position unclearly.
Restate the preference unmistakably in the conclusion and support each view with one specific, fully explained example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph progression is easy to follow, though some sentence links are abrupt and referencing is occasionally vague.
Use clearer logical links within body paragraphs and ensure pronouns such as it have an unmistakable referent.
Lexical Resource
The response shows adequate range for the topic, but frequent collocation and word-choice problems make several expressions unnatural.
Use more precise combinations such as meet financial needs, job satisfaction, and commitment to their work.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex forms are attempted, but frequent errors in articles, verb patterns, agreement, and sentence boundaries weaken control.
Prioritize accurate verb patterns and complete clause structures before adding further complexity.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.