Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Same question Compare 2 different answersSample Response
Nowadays, most people go to college and university to study a field they might like in order to have a good and enjoyable job. However, money is still an important factor in a job selection, and several people argue that earning money is more important than an enjoyable job. On the one hand, it is true that in a way, money leads to a better life quality. With more money we can, for instance, consume more, buy good quality products, go on holidays and do numerous activities. All these things contribute to a more enjoyable life. Even though the job we do does not completely satisfy us, all the other moments apart from our job time will be filled with exciting things. The purpose is to reach well-being and to some extent happiness and money is a way to do it. On the other hand, although money is a way to reach happiness, it may be not enough. It is not by chance that nowadays people are seeking a job that fit their interests. It is a tendency that increases more and more in western countries. For example, universities provide a wider range of topics and programs every year in order to answer the question that every young wonder: "What I want to do of my life?" In some cases, some decide to quit their job, even well paid, because they evolve in an environment they do not like. This is well the proof that money cannot satisfy all our needs. In conclusion, I personally think that even though money can help to have a better life, it cannot completely lead to happiness. We spend the major part of our life at work and people are more and more aware that this part has to be enjoyable.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove unnecessary article Original: in a job selection Suggested revision: in job selection Why it matters: “Job selection” refers to the general process and does not need “a.”
- 2. Use a natural quantifier Original: several Suggested revision: some Why it matters: “Some people” is the conventional phrase for introducing an unspecified viewpoint.
- 3. Use standard word order Original: a better life quality Suggested revision: a better quality of life Why it matters: “Quality of life” is the standard English collocation.
- 4. Add an introductory comma Original: With more money we can Suggested revision: With more money, we can Why it matters: A comma should separate the introductory prepositional phrase from the main clause.
- 5. Clarify the action Original: consume more Suggested revision: buy more goods Why it matters: The replacement specifies what having more money enables people to do.
- 6. Use a natural phrase Original: our job time Suggested revision: our working hours Why it matters: “Working hours” is the standard expression for time spent at work.
- 7. Correct adverb placement Original: it may be not enough Suggested revision: it may not be enough Why it matters: “Not” follows the modal verb “may.”
- 8. Fix subject–verb agreement Original: fit Suggested revision: fits Why it matters: The singular antecedent “job” requires “fits.”
- 9. Avoid redundant wording Original: a tendency that increases more and more Suggested revision: an increasingly common tendency Why it matters: The replacement expresses the growth concisely without repeating the idea of increase.
- 10. Capitalize the region Original: western Suggested revision: Western Why it matters: “Western” is capitalized when it denotes a cultural or geopolitical region.
- 11. Use academic terms Original: topics and programs Suggested revision: subjects and programmes Why it matters: Universities offer fields of study and courses rather than general “topics.”
- 12. Clarify the university role Original: in order to answer the question Suggested revision: to help answer the question Why it matters: “Help answer” avoids implying that universities themselves provide a definitive answer.
Suggested Rewrites
- in a job selection in job selection
- several some
- a better life quality a better quality of life
- With more money we can With more money, we can
- consume more buy more goods
- our job time our working hours
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is strongest in addressing both perspectives with relevant explanation and reaching a clear opinion that enjoyable work matters more to lasting happiness. Its main limitation is the absence of effective paragraphing, compounded by recurring awkward collocations and grammatical slips. The highest-priority improvement is to separate the two views and conclusion into distinct paragraphs while refining inaccurate phrases so the otherwise logical argument reads more fluently and precisely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are discussed with relevant reasoning, and the conclusion gives a clear personal opinion supported by the importance of time spent at work.
Deepen the discussion by qualifying the role of salary in meeting essential needs before explaining why job satisfaction ultimately has greater value.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically through the two views to a conclusion, but presenting the entire response as one paragraph weakens the organisation and readability.
Use separate paragraphs for the salary view, the job-satisfaction view, and the final opinion, with clear topic sentences for each.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied to discuss work, money, and happiness, but recurring unnatural combinations and imprecise expressions limit flexibility and accuracy.
Replace phrases such as better life quality and do of my life with natural forms such as better quality of life and do with my life.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a range of complex structures and remains clear overall, though errors in agreement, question formation, word order, and article use occur repeatedly.
Review subject-verb agreement and embedded question structure, especially forms such as a job that fits and what I want to do.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
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