People living in large cities today face many problems in their everyday life. What are these problems? Should governments encourage people to move to smaller regional towns?
Sample Response
It is true that nowadays people are shifting to larger cities. There are several negative consequences of this moot issue, and to cope with the current problems, the authorities should encourage individuals to move to smaller cities or even to the countryside.
To begin with, an enormous number of people create problems. One negative consequence is that the urban population would go on increasing and cause housing problems. This leads to the creation of underdeveloped slum areas, where underprivileged individuals must live in poor living conditions like lacking medical care or even drinking water. Another issue is the traffic jam due to the burgeoning car ownership. Arguably, cars take up more space than a motorbike while its capacity to accommodate passengers is far inferior to that of a bus. This weakness results in bumper-to-bumper traffic, particularly in downtown areas where many drivers have to inch along to get away from the terrible traffic.
Governments should take steps to move a certain number of city dwellers to less populated areas. The main reason is that shifting people to towns or even the countryside helps to decrease the unemployment rate. This is because as more and more people apply for the same position within a company, it may intensify the competition among employees, making it significantly more difficult to be chosen. Towns, however, due to industrialization, are now able to provide different jobs for engineers or officers in new factories. Therefore, by encouraging job seekers to move to these newly developed areas, the government can lower the number of unemployed individuals in cities.
In conclusion, an increasing number of people living in cities certainly creates housing problems and traffic congestion, and governments should encourage its citizens to migrate to towns.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural movement verb Original: shifting Suggested revision: moving Why it matters: ‘Moving’ is the more natural verb for people relocating to cities.
- 2. Choose accurate reference Original: this moot issue Suggested revision: this trend Why it matters: ‘Moot issue’ means a debatable matter and does not accurately refer to urban migration here.
- 3. Use present tense Original: would go on increasing Suggested revision: continues to increase Why it matters: Use the present simple to describe an ongoing current trend.
- 4. Avoid imprecise modifier Original: underdeveloped Suggested revision: overcrowded Why it matters: ‘Overcrowded’ connects the slums more precisely to the stated population pressure.
- 5. Fix example structure Original: poor living conditions like lacking medical care or even drinking water Suggested revision: poor living conditions, with limited access to medical care or even drinking water Why it matters: The revision uses a grammatical structure to illustrate the poor conditions.
- 6. Use general noun Original: the traffic jam Suggested revision: traffic congestion Why it matters: The paragraph discusses a general urban problem rather than one specific traffic jam.
- 7. Clarify the reference Original: This weakness Suggested revision: This inefficient use of road space Why it matters: The revised reference names the preceding problem instead of using a vague noun.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: get away from the terrible traffic Suggested revision: get through the heavy traffic Why it matters: Drivers move through heavy traffic rather than get away from it in this context.
- 9. Preserve voluntary movement Original: take steps to move a certain number of city dwellers Suggested revision: take steps to encourage city dwellers to move Why it matters: ‘Encourage’ accurately expresses the proposed policy without implying forced relocation.
- 10. Use concise verb pattern Original: helps to decrease Suggested revision: helps decrease Why it matters: The bare infinitive gives a more concise and natural construction after ‘helps’.
- 11. Name the correct group Original: employees Suggested revision: applicants Why it matters: People competing for a position are applicants, not employees of the company yet.
- 12. Use precise hiring verb Original: chosen Suggested revision: hired Why it matters: ‘Hired’ states the employment outcome more precisely than ‘chosen’.
Suggested Rewrites
- shifting moving
- this moot issue this trend
- would go on increasing continues to increase
- underdeveloped overcrowded
- poor living conditions like lacking medical care or even drinking water poor living conditions, with limited access to medical care or even drinking water
- the traffic jam traffic congestion
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear position and develops relevant problems and a reason for encouraging relocation, with logical paragraphing and a strong range of vocabulary. Its main limitation is that some claims are only partly convincing or precisely expressed, especially the link between relocation and unemployment. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each argument with more exact causal reasoning and consistently natural wording.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers both questions clearly and supports its position with relevant explanations of housing, traffic, and employment.
Develop the case for relocation more convincingly by explaining precisely how it would reduce urban unemployment and why regional jobs would absorb migrants.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion, with generally effective linking.
Make links within paragraphs more exact so that each example follows directly from the preceding claim rather than relying on broad references such as 'This weakness.'
Lexical Resource
A wide vocabulary conveys the main ideas effectively, although several choices such as 'moot issue' and 'inferior' sound imprecise or unnatural in context.
Prioritise accurate collocations and neutral academic wording over less familiar expressions whose meaning does not precisely fit the argument.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with generally good control, while occasional agreement and pronoun-reference errors do not impede meaning.
Check number agreement and reference carefully, particularly when moving between plural nouns such as cars and singular pronouns such as 'its.'
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IELTS Writing Task 2
People living in large cities today face many problems in their everyday life. What are these problems? Should governments encourage people to move to smaller regional towns?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.