Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?
Sample Response
In the modern world, working longer hours is becoming prevalent, especially among younger people who often lack free time for various reasons. While there may be some positive aspects to this situation, a number of drawbacks could be listed and both will be covered in this essay.
To start with, people who work more may grow more self-assured as their social and professional abilities improve. For example, employees who work longer hours at a company grow into strong, independent individuals as a result of acquiring experience, which boosts their confidence and opens up more career options. Also, by not wasting time on hobbies, people may feel more like they are using their time wisely. Their sense of confidence usually increases as a result.
However, there are several drawbacks to extended work hours. First of all, fatigue from lengthened workdays is likely to occur. Their mental health is badly impacted by this circumstance. Further, after working for extended periods of time, people become tired, which can lead to numerous mistakes in their work. For instance, if doctors worked long shifts all the time, they would become so tired that they would misdiagnose illnesses. It was therefore stated that engaging in leisure activities is essential for mental relaxation, which lowers mistake rates.
All in all, although working long hours may have certain benefits, the drawbacks of not being able to relax clearly exceed these benefits. It follows that everyone needs to manage their workload adequately. (243 words)
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: working longer hours is becoming prevalent Suggested revision: long working hours are becoming more common Why it matters: This phrasing expresses the trend more naturally and precisely.
- 2. Specify longer hours Original: people who work more Suggested revision: people who work longer hours Why it matters: The revision makes clear that the issue is working time rather than an amount of work.
- 3. Avoid loaded wording Original: not wasting time on hobbies Suggested revision: spending less time on hobbies Why it matters: Calling hobbies a waste of time introduces an unnecessarily judgmental meaning.
- 4. Use direct clause Original: feel more like they are using Suggested revision: feel that they are using Why it matters: A that-clause is the natural structure after feel in this statement.
- 5. Use standard collocation Original: work Suggested revision: working Why it matters: Extended working hours is the more conventional collocation.
- 6. Choose precise wording Original: badly impacted Suggested revision: adversely affected Why it matters: Adversely affected is more precise and suitably formal here.
- 7. Name the cause Original: circumstance Suggested revision: fatigue Why it matters: Naming fatigue gives the reference a clear antecedent.
- 8. Use natural linker Original: Further Suggested revision: Furthermore Why it matters: Furthermore is the conventional sentence connector for adding this point.
- 9. Use formal wording Original: all the time Suggested revision: regularly Why it matters: Regularly is more concise and appropriate for an academic example.
- 10. Use precise term Original: mistake Suggested revision: error Why it matters: Error rates is the more natural collocation for the frequency of professional mistakes.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: While there may be some positive aspects to this situation, a number of drawbacks could be listed and both will be covered in this essay. Suggested revision: While there may be some positive aspects to this situation, there are also several drawbacks, and both will be considered in this essay. Why it matters: The rewrite replaces the awkward passive construction and coordinates the two clauses clearly.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: It was therefore stated that engaging in leisure activities is essential for mental relaxation, which lowers mistake rates. Suggested revision: Therefore, engaging in leisure activities is essential for mental recovery and can help reduce errors. Why it matters: The original passive reporting phrase has no stated source, and the relative clause attaches unclearly.
Suggested Rewrites
- working longer hours is becoming prevalent long working hours are becoming more common
- people who work more people who work longer hours
- not wasting time on hobbies spending less time on hobbies
- feel more like they are using feel that they are using
- work working
- badly impacted adversely affected
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear comparative position and develops both sides with relevant explanations, particularly the example of fatigue causing professional mistakes. Its main limitation is that the advantages are repetitive and sometimes asserted too broadly, while the response also falls marginally below the expected length. The priority is to develop one convincing advantage in greater depth and make the comparison with the disadvantages more explicit throughout.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The question is addressed directly with a clear conclusion and relevant development of advantages and disadvantages.
Develop the benefits more convincingly and explicitly compare their significance with the harms before the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through clear paragraphs, with generally effective linking and referencing.
Reduce repetitive transitions and strengthen the logical connection between each claim and its supporting explanation.
Lexical Resource
A sufficiently varied vocabulary conveys the argument clearly, though several collocations are awkward or imprecise.
Choose more natural expressions for ideas such as longer workdays, mental recovery, and the value of leisure.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentence forms is used with generally strong control and few errors that impede meaning.
Refine passive constructions and pronoun references so that agency and relationships between ideas remain consistently clear.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.