Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?
Sample Response
[it has more demerits than merits] Working long hours has become a common practice in modern times, where individuals dedicate most of their time to their jobs and work, leaving minimal leisure time. In this essay, I will explore both the advantages and demerits associated with this. Personally, I think that it has more demerits than advantages, and that is why we should have a work-life balance.
There are several advantages to working for an extended duration each day. First, it increases productivity and helps achieve organizational goals more efficiently. This way, individuals develop a strong work ethic and valuable skills, which can lead to career advancements. For instance, in this cut-throat competitive age of the corporate world, working long hours often comes with promotions and financial benefits. Second, it provides a sense of fulfilment and accomplishment, which can improve one's self-esteem. Research indicates that people who work dedicatedly for more than seven hours a day often have more self-esteem than those who do not.
Despite the advantages, there are also several disadvantages to working long hours. First, it can lead to burnout and decreased work performance. This can negatively impact the quality of work and lead to decreased productivity. For instance, it is proven that people who have lengthy office hours often suffer from occupational burnout and lack the motivation to produce quality output. It can have adverse effects on physical and mental health, including increased stress levels. Moreover, it can affect relationships with family and friends, leading to social isolation and decreased overall happiness. For example, long hours can result in individuals missing out on important life events, such as family gatherings, affecting their personal and social life.
In conclusion, long working hours have more issues than benefits. While it can increase productivity, and financial rewards, and provide a sense of fulfilment, it can also lead to burnout, decreased work quality, and unhealthy personal and social relationships. In my opinion, the problems associated with this trend are more severe. So, it is important to prioritize leisure time to engage in personal interests, maintain relationships, and achieve a sense of fulfilment outside of work.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove planning note Original: [it has more demerits than merits] Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The bracketed planning note is not part of the formal essay.
- 2. Fix relative structure Original: where Suggested revision: with Why it matters: “Where” cannot refer naturally to a period of time in this structure.
- 3. Remove repeated meaning Original: jobs and work Suggested revision: jobs Why it matters: “Jobs” and “work” repeat the same idea here.
- 4. Use consistent pair Original: demerits Suggested revision: disadvantages Why it matters: The standard contrasting pair is “advantages and disadvantages.”
- 5. Clarify reference Original: associated with this. Personally Suggested revision: associated with this practice. Personally Why it matters: Naming the practice gives the demonstrative a clear referent.
- 6. Use concise wording Original: working for an extended duration each day Suggested revision: working long hours each day Why it matters: This simpler phrase expresses the same idea more naturally.
- 7. Use complete connector Original: This way Suggested revision: In this way Why it matters: The full linking phrase is more natural in formal prose.
- 8. Use uncountable form Original: advancements Suggested revision: advancement Why it matters: “Career advancement” is normally uncountable when referring to general progress.
- 9. Avoid overloaded phrase Original: in this cut-throat competitive age of the corporate world Suggested revision: in today's highly competitive corporate world Why it matters: The revision removes redundant modifiers and an awkward noun sequence.
- 10. Use accurate collocation Original: comes with promotions Suggested revision: can lead to promotions Why it matters: Work can lead to promotions rather than come with them automatically.
- 11. Correct adverb choice Original: dedicatedly Suggested revision: diligently Why it matters: “Diligently” is the natural adverb for sustained, careful work.
- 12. Use comparative adjective Original: more Suggested revision: higher Why it matters: Levels of self-esteem are described as higher or lower, not more or less.
Suggested Rewrites
- [it has more demerits than merits] Delete
- where with
- jobs and work jobs
- demerits disadvantages
- associated with this. Personally associated with this practice. Personally
- working for an extended duration each day working long hours each day
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay’s strongest feature is its clear judgement that the disadvantages outweigh the benefits, supported by a balanced structure and a fuller discussion of burnout, health, and relationships. Its main limitation is the reliance on broad, unsupported assertions about productivity, promotion, and self-esteem, alongside some repetitive or awkward phrasing. Prioritise replacing the opening bracketed note and developing one credible cause-and-effect comparison that shows why the disadvantages are ultimately more significant.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses both sides, maintains a clear position, and develops several relevant disadvantages, though some supporting claims are broad or insufficiently substantiated.
Compare one specific benefit directly with a more serious long-term cost to demonstrate more convincingly why the disadvantages predominate.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical four-paragraph progression and clear internal sequencing, although repeated signposting and the bracketed opening note reduce polish.
Delete the bracketed note and replace mechanical ‘First’ and ‘Second’ sequencing with links that show causal relationships.
Lexical Resource
A sufficiently varied range conveys the workplace and well-being ideas clearly, but combinations such as ‘work dedicatedly’, ‘cut-throat competitive age’, and ‘lengthy office hours’ are awkward.
Use natural phrases such as ‘work diligently’, ‘highly competitive corporate environment’, and ‘long working hours’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a variety of complex structures with generally good control, despite occasional agreement, reference, and punctuation errors.
Ensure pronouns agree with plural ideas such as ‘long working hours’ and simplify the faulty parallel list in the conclusion.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.