Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
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Sample Response
The growing discourse surrounding health problems that may be caused by products containing a high level of sugarhigh level of sugar has garnered widespread attention. However, I must challenge the argument that sugary products should be priced higher to encourage people to consume less sugar, a position compromised by unsustainable solution and economicenocomic drawbacks.
Raising pricesRising the price could exert a detrimental impact on related enterprises and the economyexert detrimental impact on related enterprises and economy. First, companies may run into troublefall into troubled by reduction of sales on sugary products if the price rises, especially for snack manufacturersprice rises especially for those snack manufacturers. To elaborate, consumers who are obsessed with high-sugar products could be easily influenced by the price level, because those products are not necessities like rice and salt, leading to a reduction in purchasesreduction on purchasing and profit losses of companies. As a result, it is obviously a disaster for related businesses and even the entire economy.
Another major drawback is limited impact of rising price will not work on specific group of people and special sorts of product. For instanceintance, a morning runner or an employeea staff in a hectic schedule, who aims to purchase a chocolate bar or some candies to recharge their energy, the former may ignore the price directly due to their exhausted body, the latter may look for other substitutessubstitudes. Thus, making sugary productsproduct more expensive will not eliminate consumers' demand; instead, it causes plenty of problemsdemands instead it caused plenty of problems. In terms of desserts, the fact is that the luxury products and brands emphasize reasonable sugar content, due to the preferences of their consumers who are more concerned about their diet than in the past. Thus, making them more expensive is ineffective in this sectorworthless in this industry.
In contrast, it is useful for drinks like boba milk tea, where sugar level does not change the flavour as estimated. Furthermore, consumers are sensitive to price change of those products. By adjusting price, people will shift to buy the less-sugar drinks. Admittedly, manipulating prices could change consumers' behaviours to consume less sugar. However, it is not a sustainable solution. Drinks like Coca Cola are classified into different sorts according to their sugar level, such as original version and zero sugar, and the latter one led a trend on social media and became popular among young people, potentially raisingraise their awareness of healthy diet. That is to say, the notion and mindset per se is the key to solving this issuethe root to solve this issue.
To conclude, I disagree with rising price due to limited range and negative impact.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay presents a clear position against tax-induced price increases on sugary goods and supports its arguments with relevant examples. However, the logical progression is occasionally marred by awkward phrasing and minor paragraphing issues, while grammatical errors and informal expression limit overall clarity. To improve, focus on refining complex sentence structures for accuracy and tightening cohesive transitions between ideas.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The candidate addresses the prompt directly and maintains a consistent opinion disagreeing with the price hike.
Provide more depth and realistic context in main arguments to make the support fully convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphs are logically structured around central ideas, though occasional sentence transitions are somewhat disjointed or unclear.
Ensure each body paragraph maintains a strong central topic sentence and clear internal link between supporting sentences.
Lexical Resource
A decent range of topic-specific vocabulary is used, but noticeable errors in word choice and spelling occur regularly.
Focus on accurate collocation and precise spelling of key academic terms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts complex structures, but frequent errors in verb forms, clause structures, and sentence fragments hinder readability.
Proofread carefully for subject-verb agreement and complete, grammatically sound sentence structures.