The mass media, including television, radio and newspapers, have great influence in shaping people's ideas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
The mass media have a powerful influence in shaping our lives. We have come to depend on them for information and entertainment, and in doing so we let them affect important aspects of our lives.
The undeniable usefulness of the media in almost instantly providing information about events around the world is largely taken for granted. But in our dependence on the media, we have allowed them to mould our notions and opinions of events, places and people. Though few of us probably think about it, our conceptions of, say, our elected officials spring from television images and newspaper stories. Most of us will never meet prime ministers or presidents, but anyone who is regularly exposed to the media will have an opinion of them. When it is time to cast our vote, we will make our decision based on how the media portray the candidates. We are similarly swayed by coverage of wars. The media, representing the values of their owners, societies and governments, tend to report wars with a bias; which is the 'good' side and which the 'bad' is determined for us by reporters, editors and commentators, and sure enough the public begins to form opinions that reflect the coverage they see, hear and read in the major media.
The media are also influential in the way they facilitate the spread of culture and lifestyle. The so-called 'global youth culture', in which one finds young people around the world displaying a common interest in music, clothing styles and films, is an example of the media's enormous sway in this regard. A popular figure such as Michael Jackson would never be so well known were it not for the media's extensive reach into every society on the globe.
Thus I would argue that the mass media's influence is certainly great. Indeed, technological advancements, such as the Internet, is bringing more forms of electronic media to our homes and workplaces. It is likely that the media's influence will grow even stronger with the passage of time.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Improve the collocation Original: have a powerful influence in shaping our lives Suggested revision: play a powerful role in shaping our lives Why it matters: 'Play a role in shaping' is a more natural collocation for this idea.
- 2. Clarify the clause Original: in doing so we let them affect Suggested revision: in doing so, we allow them to affect Why it matters: The comma marks the introductory phrase, while 'allow' suits the formal register.
- 3. Place adverb naturally Original: almost instantly providing information Suggested revision: providing information almost instantly Why it matters: Placing the adverb after the object makes the phrase easier to process.
- 4. Refine the collocation Original: largely Suggested revision: widely Why it matters: 'Widely' more clearly describes how broadly this assumption is held.
- 5. Strengthen the transition Original: But in our dependence on the media Suggested revision: Yet through our dependence on the media Why it matters: 'Yet' signals the contrast while 'through' expresses how the influence occurs.
- 6. Use concise formal wording Original: our conceptions of, say, our elected officials Suggested revision: our perceptions of our elected officials Why it matters: The revision removes the conversational aside and uses a precise noun.
- 7. Use plural agreement Original: vote Suggested revision: votes Why it matters: The plural group 'we' casts multiple individual votes in this general statement.
- 8. Make wording direct Original: are also influential in the way they facilitate Suggested revision: also facilitate Why it matters: The direct verb removes unnecessary wording without changing the claim.
- 9. Remove impersonal wording Original: in which one finds young people Suggested revision: in which young people Why it matters: The revision makes the description more direct and concise.
- 10. Fix subject agreement Original: is Suggested revision: are Why it matters: The plural subject 'technological advancements' requires the plural verb 'are'.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: The media, representing the values of their owners, societies and governments, tend to report wars with a bias; which is the 'good' side and which the 'bad' is determined for us by reporters, editors and commentators, and sure enough the public begins to form opinions that reflect the coverage they see, hear and read in the major media. Suggested revision: The media, representing the values of their owners, societies and governments, tend to report wars with a bias: reporters, editors and commentators determine for us which side is 'good' and which is 'bad', and the public consequently forms opinions that reflect the coverage it sees, hears and reads in the major media. Why it matters: The rewrite corrects the faulty semicolon structure and gives the long sentence a clear grammatical progression.
- 12. Separate the examples Suggested revision: Start a new paragraph with the discussion of war coverage so the political-candidate and war examples each have a clear focus. Why it matters: The current paragraph moves through two substantial examples without a visible organisational break.
Suggested Rewrites
- have a powerful influence in shaping our lives play a powerful role in shaping our lives
- in doing so we let them affect in doing so, we allow them to affect
- almost instantly providing information providing information almost instantly
- largely widely
- But in our dependence on the media Yet through our dependence on the media
- our conceptions of, say, our elected officials our perceptions of our elected officials
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a clear, sustained position and develops it persuasively through well-chosen political, wartime, and cultural examples, using precise and flexible language. Its main limitation is a small number of grammatical and punctuation slips, while parts of the second paragraph could be more tightly controlled. Prioritise editing long sentences for agreement and clause boundaries so the otherwise sophisticated argument reads with complete accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is direct and fully relevant, with well-developed examples showing how media shape political views, perceptions of war, and culture.
Add a brief qualification about audience agency or differing media sources to make the already strong argument more nuanced.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from the general claim to political and cultural examples, with cohesive devices used naturally and paragraphs clearly focused.
Tighten the lengthy political paragraph by separating the discussion of elections from the discussion of wartime bias.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and flexible, including effective choices such as mould our notions, swayed by coverage, and extensive reach.
Maintain this precision while trimming occasional wordiness in longer explanatory passages.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, with only occasional slips in punctuation and subject-verb agreement.
Check clause boundaries and agreement in long sentences, particularly after semicolons and with subjects such as technological advancements.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The mass media, including television, radio and newspapers, have great influence in shaping people's ideas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.