Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?
Sample Response
Many people associate wealth accumulation and money with happiness in life. While it is certainly true that money can eliminate some reasons for distress, and give gratification in life, it is not the primary driving force to bringing happiness as our positive mindset, personal relationship, and health bring lasting delight in life.
There is no denying that people without money face far more financial and earthly troubles than those with money, and that is why money is often considered an important ingredient for a comfortable and happy life. Even though money can not buy happiness, it certainly can remove some of the distressing elements from life that can be our reasons for suffering and unhappiness. For instance, no matter how hard one tries to be content, when debt and poverty constantly knock him down, the person's life becomes miserable. Happiness can not sustain in the mind of a hungry person who does not know where and when the next meal for his family will be managed. Moreover, financial prosperity and the ability to spend money give people instant satisfaction and contentment of success. People who buy a new car or donate to a charity, for example, associate it with their achievements in life, and this feeling of accomplishment can bring happiness to many.
When it comes to achieving genuine and lasting happiness in life, I believe a positive attitude towards life, healthy personal relationships, and good health are three essential elements. An optimistic person remains happy even in his unfortunate time. Happiness is a state of mind and positive people already know this hack. Moreover, we tend to become more delighted in life when we have healthy relationships with our family, neighbours and friends. Sometimes it is so important to us that we can be happy in life just by having good relationships with others who surround us. Finally, sound health is quintessential to be happy in life. Without health, nothing seems enjoyable, and ill people, for instance, understand and often state the importance of health in life.
In conclusion, happiness can be subjective, and money can help us remove some of our unhappiness. However, our positive attitude, good affinity and sound health can bring true happiness.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundant wording Original: wealth accumulation and money Suggested revision: wealth Why it matters: “Wealth” already includes accumulated money, so the two terms repeat the same idea.
- 2. Improve coordination Original: distress, and give gratification in life Suggested revision: distress and provide satisfaction Why it matters: The revision removes the unnecessary comma and uses a natural collocation for the second coordinated verb.
- 3. Fix noun complement Original: driving force to bringing happiness Suggested revision: source of happiness Why it matters: “Source of happiness” expresses the relationship naturally, whereas “force to bringing” is ungrammatical.
- 4. Use plural noun Original: relationship Suggested revision: relationships Why it matters: The general category of relationships requires the plural form.
- 5. Use consistent term Original: lasting delight in life Suggested revision: lasting happiness Why it matters: “Lasting happiness” is the natural expression and matches the essay’s central concept.
- 6. Choose precise adjective Original: financial and earthly troubles Suggested revision: financial and practical difficulties Why it matters: “Earthly troubles” does not clearly describe the everyday problems caused by limited money.
- 7. Use natural collocation Original: distressing elements from life Suggested revision: sources of distress from life Why it matters: Problems are more naturally described as sources of distress than as distressing elements.
- 8. Use concise causation Original: our reasons for suffering and unhappiness Suggested revision: causes of suffering and unhappiness Why it matters: “Causes” expresses the intended relationship more directly than “our reasons.”
- 9. Use precise wording Original: constantly knock him down Suggested revision: constantly overwhelm that person Why it matters: “Overwhelm” states the effect of debt and poverty more precisely than the informal metaphor.
- 10. Fix fixed expression Original: contentment of success Suggested revision: a sense of success Why it matters: “A sense of success” is the natural phrase for satisfaction arising from achievement.
- 11. Clarify the reference Original: associate it with their achievements Suggested revision: associate these actions with their achievements Why it matters: The plural phrase clearly refers to both buying a car and donating to charity.
- 12. Use natural expression Original: his unfortunate time Suggested revision: difficult times Why it matters: “Difficult times” is the idiomatic expression for periods of adversity.
Suggested Rewrites
- wealth accumulation and money wealth
- distress, and give gratification in life distress and provide satisfaction
- driving force to bringing happiness source of happiness
- relationship relationships
- lasting delight in life lasting happiness
- financial and earthly troubles financial and practical difficulties
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response answers both questions directly and develops its discussion of financial security especially well, using clear examples and a consistent distinction between immediate relief and lasting happiness. Its main limitation is imprecise or unnatural phrasing in several otherwise sophisticated sentences, which occasionally weakens clarity. The highest priority is to replace forced collocations with more natural expressions while retaining the strong structure and range of ideas.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are fully addressed through relevant, extended explanations of financial security and several non-financial sources of happiness.
Develop the non-financial factors with slightly more specific support so they match the depth of the discussion about money.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices generally make relationships between points easy to follow.
Vary transitions and trim repeated framing around happiness to make the progression even more seamless.
Lexical Resource
A broad vocabulary conveys nuanced ideas, although several collocations such as those concerning distress, success, and affinity sound unnatural.
Prioritize precise, idiomatic word combinations over ambitious but forced expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a wide range of complex structures, with occasional errors in complementation, agreement, and clause construction that do not impede meaning.
Edit complex sentences for natural verb patterns and clearer clause relationships, especially where passive constructions are used.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.