Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?
Sample Response
The contention that wealth is the paramount route to happiness in life is a perspective often upheld by many. It is indisputable that possessing considerable wealth can furnish individuals with a multitude of avenues through which happiness can be attained. Primarily, financial affluence affords individuals the luxury of not having to worry about fulfilling basic needs, thereby alleviating stress and fostering a sense of security and contentment. Moreover, wealth provides individuals with the means to indulge in various leisure activities, travel to exotic locales, and procure high-end commodities, all of which contribute significantly to enhancing one’s overall satisfaction and well-being.
However, it is crucial to acknowledge the limitations of equating wealth with happiness. While material comforts can undoubtedly contribute to momentary happiness, sustained fulfillment often transcends monetary possessions. Research indicates that once basic needs are met, additional wealth has diminishing returns on happiness. Furthermore, the pursuit of wealth can engender a sense of emptiness and disillusionment, as individuals may find themselves trapped in a perpetual cycle of consumerism and materialism, devoid of deeper meaning and purpose in life.
In addition to financial prosperity, there exist myriad other facets of life that are instrumental in fostering happiness and well-being. Meaningful relationships, characterized by love, trust, and companionship, are paramount in nurturing emotional fulfillment and contentment. Devoting time to cultivate these relationships and forge meaningful connections can bring immeasurable joy and satisfaction. Furthermore, pursuing passions and hobbies, whether it be engaging in creative endeavors, sports, or intellectual pursuits, allows individuals to experience a profound sense of fulfillment and self-actualization.
Moreover, acts of altruism and generosity, such as volunteering or philanthropy, not only contribute to the well-being of others but also evoke a deep sense of purpose and fulfillment in the giver.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Reduce redundancy Original: paramount route to happiness in life Suggested revision: primary route to happiness Why it matters: The revision expresses the same idea more directly and avoids repeating the sense of life already contained in happiness.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: a perspective often upheld by many Suggested revision: a view held by many Why it matters: This is a more concise and natural way to describe a widely held opinion.
- 3. Simplify wording Original: furnish individuals with a multitude of avenues through which happiness can be attained Suggested revision: give individuals many ways to pursue happiness Why it matters: The replacement preserves the claim while reducing unnecessarily elaborate phrasing.
- 4. Improve collocation Original: fulfilling Suggested revision: meeting Why it matters: Meet basic needs is the conventional collocation in this context.
- 5. Use natural vocabulary Original: procure high-end commodities Suggested revision: buy luxury goods Why it matters: The replacement is more idiomatic and appropriately precise for consumer purchases.
- 6. Streamline verb phrase Original: contribute significantly to enhancing Suggested revision: significantly enhance Why it matters: The direct verb removes an unnecessary contribute-to construction without changing the meaning.
- 7. Clarify the claim Original: sustained fulfillment often transcends monetary possessions Suggested revision: lasting fulfillment often depends on more than material possessions Why it matters: The revised wording states the intended contrast between lasting fulfillment and material wealth more naturally.
- 8. Improve collocation Original: additional wealth has diminishing returns on happiness Suggested revision: additional wealth yields diminishing returns in terms of happiness Why it matters: Yields diminishing returns is the more natural verb pattern for this relationship.
- 9. Prefer direct phrasing Original: there exist myriad other facets of life Suggested revision: there are many other aspects of life Why it matters: The direct construction is clearer and avoids an unnecessarily formal tone.
- 10. Correct gerund form Original: cultivate Suggested revision: cultivating Why it matters: The preposition to in this expression must be followed by a gerund.
- 11. Tighten idea sequence Suggested revision: Condense the repeated general claims about wealth and happiness so the paragraph moves more directly from financial security to leisure and consumption. Why it matters: Several abstract restatements slow the progression between the paragraph's two concrete benefits.
Suggested Rewrites
- paramount route to happiness in life primary route to happiness
- a perspective often upheld by many a view held by many
- furnish individuals with a multitude of avenues through which happiness can be attained give individuals many ways to pursue happiness
- fulfilling meeting
- procure high-end commodities buy luxury goods
- contribute significantly to enhancing significantly enhance
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response’s strongest feature is its sophisticated, well-controlled discussion of several credible routes to happiness, with wealth, relationships, personal interests and altruism all developed clearly. Its main limitation is that the critique of materialism occupies substantial space and the ending stops without drawing the strands together; prioritise a concise concluding synthesis that directly reinforces how money helps and why non-financial sources can provide deeper fulfilment.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are addressed directly through well-developed explanations of financial security, material opportunities, relationships, interests and altruism.
End with a brief synthesis that explicitly weighs the contribution of money against the deeper non-financial sources discussed.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through clearly focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used smoothly and accurately.
Integrate the final point about altruism into the preceding paragraph or develop it enough to justify a separate paragraph.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary conveys abstract ideas effectively, although the register occasionally becomes more ornate than necessary.
Prefer simpler natural phrasing where expressions such as procure high-end commodities add formality without adding precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is handled with strong control, and the few slips do not impede meaning.
Refine occasional verb-pattern choices, such as using devoting time to cultivating, to make the grammar consistently accurate.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.