Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?
Sample Response
It is often argued that wealth is the primary path to happiness in life. Undoubtedly, having a substantial amount of money can contribute significantly to one’s happiness in various ways. Firstly, financial stability provided by wealth can alleviate stress and anxiety related to basic needs such as food, shelter, and healthcare. Knowing that these necessities are readily available can bring a sense of security and peace of mind, fostering a happier state of being. Moreover, wealth can enable individuals to indulge in experiences and luxuries that bring them joy, whether it be traveling to exotic destinations, purchasing high-quality goods, or enjoying leisure activities. This ability to fulfill desires and aspirations can enhance overall life satisfaction.
However, happiness derived solely from wealth is often superficial and short-lived. Research suggests that beyond a certain income threshold, additional wealth does not significantly increase happiness. Moreover, the pursuit of wealth can lead to a relentless cycle of materialism and competition, detracting from meaningful relationships and experiences. True happiness lies in a balance between material comfort and emotional fulfillment.
Beyond financial wealth, numerous other factors contribute to happiness. Meaningful relationships, for instance, are essential for emotional well-being. Spending quality time with family and friends, sharing experiences, and providing and receiving support can bring immense joy and fulfillment. Additionally, pursuing passions and interests, whether it be through hobbies, creative endeavors, or personal development, adds richness and purpose to life. Furthermore, contributing to the well-being of others through acts of kindness, volunteering, or philanthropy can evoke a profound sense of satisfaction and happiness. In essence, while money can facilitate certain aspects of happiness, it is far from being the sole determinant.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a natural collocation Original: primary path to happiness in life Suggested revision: main source of happiness Why it matters: 'Source of happiness' is a more natural collocation than the abstract metaphor 'path to happiness'.
- 2. Make the claim concise Original: contribute significantly to one’s happiness in various ways Suggested revision: increase one’s well-being in several ways Why it matters: The revision reduces repetition of 'happiness' while retaining the original claim.
- 3. Remove redundant wording Original: financial stability provided by wealth Suggested revision: financial security Why it matters: The shorter phrase captures the intended benefit without repeating the idea of wealth.
- 4. Clarify the relationship Original: anxiety related to basic needs Suggested revision: anxiety about meeting basic needs Why it matters: This wording makes clear that the anxiety concerns the ability to satisfy basic needs.
- 5. Use precise wording Original: these necessities are readily available Suggested revision: these necessities are affordable Why it matters: In this financial context, affordability expresses the intended source of security more precisely than availability.
- 6. Avoid inflated phrasing Original: a happier state of being Suggested revision: greater happiness Why it matters: The concise noun phrase communicates the same idea more directly.
- 7. Improve verb choice Original: indulge in experiences and luxuries Suggested revision: enjoy experiences and luxuries Why it matters: 'Enjoy' collocates more naturally with both experiences and luxuries in this context.
- 8. Avoid repetition Original: Beyond financial wealth Suggested revision: Beyond money Why it matters: The simpler phrase avoids repeating 'financial' and 'wealth' while preserving the contrast.
- 9. Use parallel phrasing Original: providing Suggested revision: giving Why it matters: The paired verbs form a more natural and balanced expression.
- 10. Streamline the example phrase Original: whether it be through hobbies Suggested revision: whether through hobbies Why it matters: Removing the unnecessary verb makes the parenthetical list more concise without changing its meaning.
- 11. Use direct wording Original: evoke a profound sense Suggested revision: create a strong sense Why it matters: The revision is more direct and avoids an unnecessarily ornate verb phrase.
Suggested Rewrites
- primary path to happiness in life main source of happiness
- contribute significantly to one’s happiness in various ways increase one’s well-being in several ways
- financial stability provided by wealth financial security
- anxiety related to basic needs anxiety about meeting basic needs
- these necessities are readily available these necessities are affordable
- a happier state of being greater happiness
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response answers both questions directly, developing a balanced account of how money can provide security and experiences while also explaining several credible non-financial sources of happiness. Its main limitation is that some support remains general and the discussion repeats closely related ideas about wealth and fulfillment. The highest-priority improvement is to deepen one or two points with specific, concise examples instead of adding further broad assertions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are fully addressed through relevant, well-developed explanations of financial and non-financial sources of happiness.
Make the support more compelling by illustrating one central point in each part with a concrete example rather than relying mainly on general claims.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically sequenced, with clear paragraph purposes and cohesive links that guide the reader smoothly through the argument.
Tighten the middle paragraph so its qualification of wealth leads even more directly into the discussion of alternative sources of happiness.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and suitably academic, with effective control of topic-specific expressions and collocations.
Reduce repetition of wealth and happiness by using more selective referencing and occasional precise reformulation.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide variety of complex sentence forms is used accurately and flexibly, with errors rare and communication consistently clear.
For further refinement, vary the openings of longer sentences and use a few shorter structures to sharpen emphasis.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.