Traffic and housing problems in major cities could be solved by moving large companies and factories and their employees to the countryside. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
These days with increasing urban populations, there are major problems with congestion and not only the price but also availability of accommodation in large cities of the world. It seems that one possible solution could be to relocate large companies and factories as well as their respective employees out of these urban areas and into more rural ones. I strongly agree that this would have a positive effect in making cities more livable. To begin with, the traffic problem in cities doesn’t only exist from commuting employees, but also the general public travelling around the city. While this may be a fact, if the number of worker’s vehicles is reduced on city streets, a large percentage of traffic will obviously decline in rush hours. For example, peak hour traffic is undoubtedly made up largely of staff from companies going to and from home. Secondly, in regards to housing problems, populations will always continue to grow in cities and therefore inadvertently decrease the number of cheap and available apartments. This is certainly obvious, however, a large proportion of these apartments are occupied by employees from large firms and their families. If this workforce is relocated to housing estates in the country, city apartment blocks will fall in price and certainly increase in availability. In conclusion, by relocating workers to rural areas to work and reside, heavy traffic conditions and lack of adequate accommodation in city centres will obviously change for the better. As far as I’m concerned, I agree that the government should enforce such a law in order to increase our standard of living in our hectic city life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Set off opener Original: These days with increasing urban populations, Suggested revision: These days, with increasing urban populations, Why it matters: A comma after the introductory time phrase separates it clearly from the following phrase.
- 2. Restore parallel structure Original: not only the price but also availability Suggested revision: not only the price but also the availability Why it matters: The repeated article makes the two coordinated noun phrases grammatically parallel.
- 3. Correct the preposition Original: in Suggested revision: on Why it matters: The noun 'effect' takes 'on' before a following gerund phrase.
- 4. Clarify the commuters Original: staff from companies going to and from home Suggested revision: company employees commuting to and from work Why it matters: The revision states the intended commuting movement more precisely.
- 5. Correct fixed phrase Original: in regards to Suggested revision: with regard to Why it matters: 'With regard to' is the standard formal expression in this context.
- 6. Remove redundancy Original: always continue Suggested revision: continue Why it matters: 'Continue' already conveys persistence, so 'always' is unnecessary.
- 7. Use accurate wording Original: inadvertently decrease Suggested revision: reduce Why it matters: 'Inadvertently' describes an accidental action and does not fit the direct consequence stated here.
- 8. Fix sentence connection Original: This is certainly obvious, however, Suggested revision: This is certainly the case; however, Why it matters: A semicolon correctly joins the contrasting independent clauses, while 'the case' gives the reference a natural form.
- 9. Use concise phrasing Original: large cities of the world Suggested revision: major cities worldwide Why it matters: The revision expresses the same geographical scope more concisely.
- 10. Remove needless modifier Original: respective employees Suggested revision: employees Why it matters: 'Respective' adds no useful distinction because the employees already belong to the named companies and factories.
- 11. Streamline the movement Original: out of these urban areas and into more rural ones Suggested revision: from these urban areas to rural areas Why it matters: The shorter construction conveys the same relocation clearly.
- 12. Use precise housing term Original: cheap and available apartments Suggested revision: affordable, available apartments Why it matters: 'Affordable' describes housing cost more appropriately than 'cheap'.
Suggested Rewrites
- These days with increasing urban populations, These days, with increasing urban populations,
- not only the price but also availability not only the price but also the availability
- in on
- staff from companies going to and from home company employees commuting to and from work
- in regards to with regard to
- always continue continue
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay maintains a clear position and addresses both traffic and housing through relevant, logically sequenced arguments. However, the response is presented as one continuous paragraph, and several explanations rely on assertion rather than examining the proposal’s practical effects in depth. The priority is to separate the argument into purposeful paragraphs and strengthen each body point with more precise reasoning and less categorical language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the extent question clearly and supports agreement with relevant points about congestion and housing availability.
Deepen the analysis by explaining the scale or conditions under which relocation would actually reduce these urban problems.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a clear introduction-body-conclusion sequence, but the absence of paragraph breaks weakens the visible organisation.
Divide the response into an introduction, one paragraph for each main reason, and a conclusion, with each paragraph centred on one idea.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary shows useful range, but recurring awkward collocations reduce precision in phrases about traffic, housing, and legislation.
Choose more natural combinations such as “traffic stems from”, “traffic volumes will fall”, and “introduce such a policy”.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses varied complex sentences with generally good control, despite occasional punctuation and possessive-form errors.
Check plural possessives and sentence boundaries, especially forms such as “workers’ vehicles” and clauses joined around “however”.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Traffic and housing problems in major cities could be solved by moving large companies and factories and their employees to the countryside. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.