Traffic and housing problems in major cities could be solved by moving large companies and factories and their employees to the countryside. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
It goes without saying that the major causes leading the traffic congestion are the high number of vehicles and the development of the economy, so housing and traffic problems are becoming a prominent concern in the modern era. This matter could be resolved when large industries, as well as corporate offices, should move to the suburbs of the country. However, I completely agree with the statement. I would like to explicate it at length in the paragraphs to come.
To begin with, the traffic problems are rapidly skyrocketed in the past years and becoming serious trouble among individuals, so people often get late for their jobs and miss other crucial errands. In other words, in peak hours, residents suffer from heavy traffic lines as long as traffic blockage until clear. Although every individual has a car, they still often get late, not only on crucial occasions but also they have an emergency. For instance, following the survey conducted by the Hindustan Times, 60% of patients died because of this issue, and 40% of individuals lost their jobs or meetings because they could not reach in a given time frame.
Second, the housing problem is suddenly increasing with the growth of the population in metropolitan cities. Afterwards, every town converted into hustle-bustle crowding; therefore, cheap and low-budget apartments drastically declined, thus leading to mostly families deprived of shelters in cities. As a result, they occupy the area near roads, which causes massive traffic problems. Furthermore, they cite an example, a majority of employees always prefer to live nearby the location of companies, either labourer lives in industries and go settle there. If it should replace the industry with a housing estate and re-allocate to countryside apartments, wheels get free and available at low fares for natives. Add it, most companies use drastic chemicals, and not only that transfer into the water, which is being used for household supplies. So, people get affected with serious health problems and are not unable to control easily.
To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that industries must be shifted to the surroundings of the country, which can solve this issue and lives a life according to their desires.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct noun phrase Original: causes leading the traffic congestion Suggested revision: causes of traffic congestion Why it matters: Causes of is the correct structure for naming the reasons behind a problem.
- 2. Use number collocation Original: high Suggested revision: large Why it matters: Large, rather than high, conventionally modifies a number of countable items.
- 3. Correct conditional clause Original: when large industries, as well as corporate offices, should move Suggested revision: if large industries and corporate offices moved Why it matters: A hypothetical solution requires an if-clause with the past form rather than when plus should.
- 4. Use logical connector Original: However Suggested revision: Therefore Why it matters: The agreement follows from the proposed solution, so a result connector is more logical than a contrast connector.
- 5. Correct tense and voice Original: are rapidly skyrocketed Suggested revision: have rapidly increased Why it matters: The trend continuing from past years to the present requires the present perfect active form.
- 6. Use natural time phrase Original: in the past years Suggested revision: in recent years Why it matters: In recent years is the idiomatic time expression for a continuing modern trend.
- 7. Complete coordinated verb Original: becoming serious trouble among individuals Suggested revision: have become a serious problem for individuals Why it matters: The coordinated clause needs a finite verb, an article, and the natural preposition for.
- 8. Use arrival collocation Original: get late for their jobs Suggested revision: arrive late for work Why it matters: Arrive late for work is the natural expression for reaching one's workplace after the expected time.
- 9. Avoid pronoun mismatch Original: Although every individual has a car Suggested revision: Although individuals have cars Why it matters: A plural subject aligns clearly with the later plural pronoun they.
- 10. Make pairing parallel Original: not only on crucial occasions but also they have an emergency Suggested revision: both on important occasions and during emergencies Why it matters: The paired elements need parallel prepositional structures to express the two situations clearly.
- 11. Introduce source naturally Original: following the survey conducted Suggested revision: according to a survey conducted Why it matters: According to is the conventional phrase for attributing a reported finding.
- 12. Correct verb pairing Original: lost their jobs or meetings Suggested revision: lost their jobs or missed meetings Why it matters: People can lose jobs but miss meetings, so each noun requires its own verb.
Suggested Rewrites
- causes leading the traffic congestion causes of traffic congestion
- high large
- when large industries, as well as corporate offices, should move if large industries and corporate offices moved
- However Therefore
- are rapidly skyrocketed have rapidly increased
- in the past years in recent years
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response states a clear position and uses a recognisable essay structure with separate discussion of traffic and housing. However, much of the support describes urban problems rather than clearly showing how relocation would solve them, while several claims become difficult to follow. The priority is to build each paragraph around one explicit cause-and-effect explanation supported by a plausible, directly relevant example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and relevant ideas are introduced, but their connection to the proposed relocation is often insufficiently developed.
Explain precisely how moving employers and workers would reduce both congestion and housing pressure, using credible support.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and basic signposting are evident, yet progression is weakened by unclear links and loosely connected claims.
Give each body paragraph one controlling idea and connect every supporting sentence directly to that idea.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonably broad vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate word choices and collocations sometimes strain meaning.
Prefer accurate common expressions such as traffic congestion, affordable housing, and industrial chemicals over forced phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in tense, clauses, agreement, and sentence construction impede clarity.
Build shorter complete sentences first, then check each clause for a clear subject, finite verb, and logical connection.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Traffic and housing problems in major cities could be solved by moving large companies and factories and their employees to the countryside. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.