People have different hobbies ranging from reading books to mountain hiking. According to some, hobbies must be difficult to be enjoyable while other oppose the idea. What is your viewpoint on this? Write no less than 250 words.
Sample Response
Many people contend that leisure activities should be extra challenging to be more fun. While this may provoke a person to reach his full potential, I disagree with this notion.
Pastime, which should prioritise safety, is created not only for competition but also to observe camaraderie. Nonetheless, people who engage themselves to their specific hobbies should always maintain safety in what they do while promoting team spirit. For an instance, playing a specific sport which involves physical contact, like basketball, should keep players injury-free until the end of the game. Hence, rules are set prior each game to avoid causing harm to their opponents, yet enjoyable still. A case in point is my experience in playing soccer when in high school. When my coach laid the plan, the goal was to win the game; additionally, precautions are observed beforehand. The game was enjoyed by both the teams in play and the audience.
Another sound reason is that leisure activities are already enjoyable in their authentic form without the need to be recreated. To illustrate, activities like movie watching, beach surfing, or even playing cards are commonly preferred by many people to do in their free time. Nevertheless, changing these is unnecessary, lest its purpose is no longer highlighted. It is entirely true because hobbies provide immeasurable and worthwhile entertainment out of a person's routinely customised schedule. This refreshes my memory when all I had to think of, when at a beach, is to enjoy its scenery. Every moment spent with someone special, even in its most undemanding nature, is worth treasuring a lifetime.
Overall, I think hobbies, in their simplest forms, always provide priceless satisfaction, despite others who argued that they should be more challenging. Furthermore, someone does not need to modify a certain task in order to enjoy it, rather the company of others makes everything more valuable.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use formal degree word Original: extra challenging Suggested revision: highly challenging Why it matters: “Highly” is more appropriate than the informal degree word “extra.”
- 2. Use formal enjoyment term Original: to be more fun Suggested revision: to be more enjoyable Why it matters: “Enjoyable” is more suitable than “fun” in formal academic prose.
- 3. Use positive motivation verb Original: provoke a person to reach Suggested revision: motivate a person to reach Why it matters: “Motivate” expresses encouragement, while “provoke” usually suggests a negative reaction.
- 4. Correct engagement phrase Original: engage themselves to their specific hobbies Suggested revision: engage in their chosen hobbies Why it matters: The verb “engage” takes “in” before an activity, and the reflexive pronoun is unnecessary.
- 5. Use direct safety phrase Original: maintain safety in what they do Suggested revision: stay safe while participating Why it matters: The revision states the practical action more directly.
- 6. Remove incorrect article Original: For an instance Suggested revision: For instance Why it matters: The fixed phrase “for instance” does not take an article.
- 7. Use defining relative pronoun Original: sport which involves Suggested revision: sport that involves Why it matters: “That” is the conventional choice for this defining relative clause.
- 8. Correct experience preposition Original: my experience in playing Suggested revision: my experience of playing Why it matters: “Experience of” introduces the activity being recalled.
- 9. Use planning collocation Original: laid the plan Suggested revision: set out the plan Why it matters: A coach sets out a plan rather than lays it.
- 10. Correct tense and collocation Original: precautions are observed beforehand Suggested revision: precautions were taken beforehand Why it matters: The past narrative requires “were,” and precautions are taken rather than observed.
- 11. Simplify team reference Original: both the teams in play Suggested revision: both teams playing Why it matters: The determiner is unnecessary after “both,” and the participle describes the teams directly.
- 12. Use formal example marker Original: activities like Suggested revision: activities such as Why it matters: “Such as” introduces examples more formally and precisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- extra challenging highly challenging
- to be more fun to be more enjoyable
- provoke a person to reach motivate a person to reach
- engage themselves to their specific hobbies engage in their chosen hobbies
- maintain safety in what they do stay safe while participating
- For an instance For instance
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is strongest in its clear disagreement with the claim and its attempt to support that position through sports and relaxing leisure activities. Its main limitation is that the first body paragraph focuses mainly on safety and camaraderie rather than explaining whether difficulty creates enjoyment, while recurrent awkward wording weakens otherwise relevant ideas. The highest-priority improvement is to develop two direct reasons why challenge is optional, each supported by a concise example that clearly links back to enjoyment.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear viewpoint is maintained and supported with examples, but the safety discussion is only indirectly related to whether difficult hobbies are more enjoyable.
Base each body paragraph on a direct reason that enjoyment can come from relaxation, companionship, mastery, or personal preference without added difficulty.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a clear paragraph structure and overall progression, although some internal links are mechanical and several supporting sentences drift from their main claim.
Open each body paragraph with a precise reason and remove any sentence that does not directly explain that reason.
Lexical Resource
There is an adequate range of vocabulary and some ambitious phrasing, but frequent unnatural collocations and imprecise choices reduce clarity.
Prefer simple natural phrases over expressions such as “observe camaraderie,” “authentic form,” and “routinely customised schedule.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex structures, but errors in articles, prepositions, agreement, referencing, and clause formation recur.
Check sentence completeness and pronoun reference, especially in examples where the subject changes between hobbies, players, and activities.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
People have different hobbies ranging from reading books to mountain hiking. According to some, hobbies must be difficult to be enjoyable while other oppose the idea. What is your viewpoint on this? Write no less than 250 words.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.