Young people are often influenced in their behaviours by others in the same age group. Some argue that peer pressure is important while others feel it has distinct disadvantages. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?
Sample Response
Peer pressure is a pervasive phenomenon that significantly influences the behaviours of young individuals. While some argue that it plays a crucial role in positively shaping the lives of the youth, others contend that the disadvantages of peer pressure are very detrimental.
Peer pressure, when harnessed positively, can have several advantages. Firstly, it can foster a sense of belonging and camaraderie among individuals within the same age group. Young people often seek acceptance and affirmation from their peers, and this can contribute to their emotional well-being and self-esteem. A further benefit is that positive peer pressure can encourage healthy behaviours, such as exercising or avoiding risky activities. For instance, a teenager might be motivated to quit smoking if their friends promote a smoke-free lifestyle.
However, peer pressure can also have distinct disadvantages. The most pressing concern is the potential for negative influences on impressionable minds. Young people may succumb to the pressure of engaging in harmful behaviours, such as substance abuse, criminal activities, or reckless behaviours like driving without a seatbelt, due to peer pressure, which can lead to long-lasting negative consequences and jeopardise their future.
Moreover, excessive pressure from peers can stifle individuality and creativity as young people may conform to the norms of their peer group instead of pursuing their own aspirations and dreams. This conformity may limit their personal growth and hinder their ability to think independently.
In conclusion, I would argue that peer pressure has more disadvantages as although it can foster a sense of belonging and promote healthy behaviours, it also carries the risk of leading young people astray and stifling their individuality. It is imperative for parents, educators, and society at large to guide young people in making informed choices and navigating the complexities of peer influence.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: behaviours of young individuals Suggested revision: behaviour of young people Why it matters: The replacement is more natural when referring generally to how young people behave.
- 2. Avoid awkward collective noun Original: the lives of the youth Suggested revision: young people's lives Why it matters: This wording is more direct and idiomatic in this context.
- 3. Strengthen collocation Original: very Suggested revision: highly Why it matters: The adverb 'highly' forms a more natural collocation with 'detrimental'.
- 4. Clarify abstract wording Original: when harnessed positively Suggested revision: when it exerts a positive influence Why it matters: The revision states the intended positive effect more precisely.
- 5. Make reference specific Original: within the same age group Suggested revision: in their own age group Why it matters: This phrase connects the age group more clearly to the young people being discussed.
- 6. Tighten the link Original: and this can contribute Suggested revision: which can contribute Why it matters: A relative clause links the benefit more smoothly to the preceding idea.
- 7. Improve parallel detail Original: exercising or avoiding risky activities Suggested revision: exercising regularly or avoiding risky activities Why it matters: Adding 'regularly' makes the healthy behaviour more precise and balanced with the second example.
- 8. Correct verb pattern Original: the pressure of engaging Suggested revision: pressure to engage Why it matters: The noun 'pressure' takes a to-infinitive when describing an action someone feels compelled to perform.
- 9. Use precise phrasing Original: reckless behaviours like driving without a seatbelt Suggested revision: reckless behaviour such as driving without a seatbelt Why it matters: The uncountable form and 'such as' are more appropriate for introducing this example.
- 10. Remove redundancy Original: their own aspirations and dreams Suggested revision: their own aspirations Why it matters: 'Aspirations' already conveys personal hopes and ambitions, so 'dreams' is repetitive.
Suggested Rewrites
- behaviours of young individuals behaviour of young people
- the lives of the youth young people's lives
- very highly
- when harnessed positively when it exerts a positive influence
- within the same age group in their own age group
- and this can contribute which can contribute
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear position and supports both sides with relevant, logically organised examples, while its vocabulary and sentence control are consistently strong. Its main limitation is that the comparative judgement is asserted more than demonstrated, because the disadvantages are not explicitly weighed against the benefits in depth. Prioritise a sharper comparison showing why the harms are greater in scale, likelihood, or duration.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both advantages and disadvantages, maintains a clear position, and develops relevant supporting ideas.
Compare the relative severity and durability of the two sides more explicitly to prove that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader smoothly without becoming intrusive.
Make the transition from discussing each side to directly weighing them slightly more explicit in the conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, with effective expressions for social influence, belonging, risk, and individuality.
Replace slightly redundant or generic combinations such as 'very detrimental' with more exact wording that specifies the nature of the harm.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, and the few awkward constructions do not impede communication.
Revise the conclusion's 'as although' construction so that the concession and the main claim are expressed in a cleaner sentence pattern.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Young people are often influenced in their behaviours by others in the same age group. Some argue that peer pressure is important while others feel it has distinct disadvantages. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.