It is a natural process for animal species to become extinct (e.g. Dinosaur, dodos …) There is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening. Do you agree or disagree?
This response is estimated at Band 8.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
Some people believe that there are no compelling reasons for us to protect animal species from extinction because extinction occurs naturallyas it occurs naturally. I personally disagree with this viewconviction and will support my argument in the essay below.
It is true that millions of years ago, many ancient animal speciesmillions of years ago, many ancient species of animals, such as dinosaurs, were wiped out due to a gradual shift in climate and changing sea levels, according to some hypotheses. However, these environmental factors are not the primary contributorscontributor to the disappearance of certain species nowadays. Industrial activities have been devastating the natural habitats of wildlife and disturbing the food chain, causing the mass extinction of countless species. The increased demand for goods made from animals’ products, such as skins and horns, also leads to the rampant poaching of endangered wild animalswild, endangered animals, rhinos for instance. In this regard, humans are responsiblehumans are held accountable and should do what is needed to rectify the situation.
Other justifications for saving wild animals involve the significant roles that they play in not only the balance of the ecosystem but also our lives. Everything in nature is connected, and if one species becomes extinct, many other animals and even plants will suffer as the food chain is disrupted. Wild animals also have great aesthetic and socio-cultural values. They contribute to our rich biodiversitybio-diversity that makes this planet a beautiful place. In numerous places around the world, many types of animals play an important role in different cultures. For example, in some religions, cows are revered and worshiped as gods.
The disappearance of many animal species does not always occur as a natural process but as a consequence of our actionsdoings. It is our obligation to help preserve wild animals because their extinction will have a serious impact onsevere influence on many important aspects of our lives.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response’s strongest feature is its clear, consistently maintained position, supported by well-developed explanations of human responsibility and the ecological and cultural value of wildlife. Its main limitation is that a few claims and examples remain broad or slightly imprecise. The highest-priority improvement is to sharpen the supporting evidence with more specific, convincingly framed examples while preserving the essay’s strong logical progression.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the question with a clear position and develops two relevant, well-supported reasons for preventing extinction.
Make the cultural-value example more precisely connected to species preservation and add a more concrete supporting detail.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices generally guide the reader smoothly without obscuring relationships.
Reduce reliance on overt linking phrases and let the logical connection between adjacent sentences carry more of the progression.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary is used flexibly, including effective topic-specific language about habitats, poaching, ecosystems, and cultural value.
Refine occasional awkward collocations such as references to animal products or human actions to make expression consistently natural.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a broad range of complex structures with strong control, and the few grammatical lapses do not impede meaning.
Check agreement and sentence structure in the small number of awkward constructions to achieve more consistently polished accuracy.