Report research suggests that majority of criminals who were sent to prison would commit crimes when they are set free. What do you think of this case? What to be done to solve this problem?
Sample Response
Based on the social community research, it is found that most of the criminals, who have been released from prisons, have the tendency to commit crimes again. The following essay will discuss in details about the various factors that have caused the situation and some of the ways to address the issue.
To begin with, many criminals who have finished their punishment period in jails have the tendency to do crime activities again. Based on the research of these convicts, it is found that most of these people have difficulties in finding employments when they are back in communities. When employers see their track records, they would be straightly rejected since many employers have the perception that an ex-criminal is a negative person. As a consequence, many of these people have committed crimes again in order for them to survive.
However, there are some ways in which communities and governments could do to solve the problem. Firstly, convicts should be equipped with some useful skill for them during the detention period. Therefore when they are released, they would be beneficial for societies and communities. One of the examples would be by providing some technical courses such as plumbing or mechanical courses. Secondly, the government and neighbours should cooperate in establishing cooperative institutions, whereas, they will hire or recruit ex-criminal persons. These institutions could provide services to societies as a mechanical workshop, saloon or cleaning service facilities.
In conclusion, it is a fact that many criminals, who have been released from jails, are mostly doing criminal activities again. They do that because they feel that they are not welcomed by the public. And to cope with the issue, governments and societies should cooperate in providing some skill and workplaces for these ex-crime persons.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural source phrase Original: Based on the social community research Suggested revision: According to research on communities Why it matters: The original noun sequence is unnatural and does not clearly identify the research basis.
- 2. Remove restrictive commas Original: criminals, who have been released from prisons, Suggested revision: criminals who have been released from prison Why it matters: The relative clause identifies which criminals are meant, so it should not be separated by commas.
- 3. Fix verb pattern Original: discuss in details about Suggested revision: discuss in detail Why it matters: 'Discuss' takes a direct object and the fixed expression is 'in detail'.
- 4. Use precise term Original: finished their punishment period in jails Suggested revision: completed their prison sentences Why it matters: This is the standard concise expression for finishing a period of imprisonment.
- 5. Use correct collocation Original: do crime activities Suggested revision: commit crimes Why it matters: English uses the collocation 'commit crimes'.
- 6. Correct preposition Original: of Suggested revision: on Why it matters: Research concerning a group is described as research 'on' that group.
- 7. Use uncountable noun Original: employments Suggested revision: employment Why it matters: 'Employment' is uncountable when referring generally to paid work.
- 8. Add possessive determiner Original: back in communities Suggested revision: back in their communities Why it matters: The possessive determiner specifies the communities to which these people return.
- 9. Use consistent tense Original: have committed crimes again Suggested revision: commit crimes again Why it matters: The present simple fits the general consequence described in this paragraph.
- 10. Use concise purpose clause Original: in order for them to survive Suggested revision: in order to survive Why it matters: The subject is already clear, so the shorter infinitive purpose clause is sufficient.
- 11. Fix relative structure Original: ways in which communities and governments could do Suggested revision: measures that communities and governments could take Why it matters: People take measures; they do not do ways.
- 12. Use plural noun Original: some useful skill Suggested revision: useful skills Why it matters: The discussion refers generally to multiple kinds of vocational ability.
Suggested Rewrites
- Based on the social community research According to research on communities
- criminals, who have been released from prisons, criminals who have been released from prison
- discuss in details about discuss in detail
- finished their punishment period in jails completed their prison sentences
- do crime activities commit crimes
- of on
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response addresses both why former prisoners reoffend and how the problem could be reduced, using a clear cause-and-solution structure and relevant vocational examples. Its main limitation is frequent imprecise word choice and grammatical awkwardness, which occasionally makes otherwise sensible ideas sound unnatural and less exact. The highest-priority improvement is to revise common crime-and-employment collocations and improve control of articles, plurals, and relative structures throughout.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response covers both parts of the task with a clear explanation of employment barriers and two relevant rehabilitation measures.
Develop the causal analysis further by explaining why the proposed training and employment schemes would reduce reoffending over time.
Coherence and Cohesion
The cause-and-solution organisation is easy to follow, though some linking expressions and references are mechanical or inaccurately used.
Use more precise logical links between sentences and avoid misusing connectors such as whereas where no contrast is expressed.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to communicate the argument, but frequent unnatural collocations and word-choice errors reduce precision.
Learn standard expressions such as commit crimes, find employment, former prisoners, vocational skills, and reintegrate into society.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms conveys meaning clearly overall, but errors in articles, plurals, relative clauses, and sentence construction recur.
Edit each sentence for countable nouns, articles, and complete clause patterns, especially after relative words and modal verbs.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Report research suggests that majority of criminals who were sent to prison would commit crimes when they are set free. What do you think of this case? What to be done to solve this problem?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.