Some people think that good health is a basic human need, so the medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In contemporary society, the provision of medical services plays a pivotal role in meetingaddressing the fundamental human need for good health. However, there is an ongoing debate regarding the involvement of profit-making companies in providingrunning medical services. This essay will argue thatdiscuss the perspective that good health is a basic human need, and therefore, medical services should not be operated for profitdriven by profit-making motives.
One compelling reason whyOne compelling reason to support the notion that medical services should not be run by profit-making companies is the importance of ensuring equitable access to healthcare. When profit becomes the driving force, there is a risk of reducing access to medical servicescompromising the accessibility of medical services, especially for vulnerable populations with limited financial resources. For example, in countries where profit-making companies dominate the healthcare sector, individuals from low-income backgrounds may face substantial financial barriers to obtaining essential treatment or preventive caresubstantial financial barriers to receiving essential treatments or accessing preventive care. This disparity can exacerbate existing health inequalities and create a society in whichlead to a society where only those who can afford premium healthcare receive necessary treatmentafford premium healthcare services receive the necessary treatment.
Another significant argument against profit-making companies running medical services is the potential shift in focus from patient well-being to financial gains. In a profit-oriented system, treatments and services may be driven by profitabilitythere is a risk of treatments and services being driven by profitability rather than patient needs. For instance, pharmaceutical companies may prioritize developing and marketing more profitable drugsthe development and marketing of drugs that are more profitable rather than those that are most effective or beneficial for patientsbut not necessarily the most effective or beneficial for patients. This profit-driven approach can undermine the quality of care and compromise patient outcomes.
In conclusion, the argument that good health is a basic human need and should not be driven by profit-making companies in the provision of medical services holds substantial merit. Ensuring equitable access to healthcare and maintaining a patient-centred approach are crucial considerations in healthcare delivery. By prioritizing the well-being of individuals over financial gains, healthcare systems can strive for a more equitable and compassionate approach.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear stance and develops two persuasive, well-focused arguments through relevant explanations and examples. Its main limitation is that the discussion remains somewhat one-directional and occasionally repeats the same profit-related wording, which slightly limits nuance and lexical variety. The best improvement would be to acknowledge a plausible benefit or counterargument briefly and then explain why equitable access and patient welfare still outweigh it.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response fully addresses the question with a clear position and two well-developed reasons supported by relevant examples.
Add a concise concession to a plausible advantage of private provision before demonstrating why the stated concerns remain more important.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically sequenced, with focused paragraphs and cohesive links that make the argument easy to follow throughout.
Use slightly subtler transitions between claims and examples to make the progression feel even less formulaic.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible, precise, and appropriately academic, with effective language for access, inequality, profitability, and patient welfare.
Reduce repetition of profit-related terms by using accurate alternatives while preserving the essay's clear distinctions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, with strong control of clauses, punctuation, and sentence boundaries.
Refine occasional heavy noun phrases into more concise constructions to make already accurate sentences even more direct.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that good health is a basic human need, so the medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.