Some people think that good health is a basic human need, so the medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Good healthcare service is a fundamental need for every citizen in a country. But when this sector is run by money-making private organisations, they become too expensive for the poor and the middle class. This is why, I agree with the notion that medical services should not be run by for-profit private organizations.
First, when health service is run and controlled by money-making private companies, the healthcare sector then turns into a profitable business sector. Those private organisations’ main objective is to make money, and thus only rich citizens can pay for their treatment. Since the government does not have any control over the treatment facilities of these hospitals and healthcare centres, they charge people as much as they like. Thus they make the overall healthcare system expensive in a country.
Second, private healthcare centres are often accused of overcharging and wrong treatment, and yet they are not punished for the misdeed they conduct. Many people opine that private healthcare centres and hospitals are far neater and clean and have more qualified doctors. However, those doctors should be serving in public hospitals instead of making money somewhere else. Thus the professional ethics of doctors are ruined by their practice in private hospitals. Furthermore, the government collects a huge amount of tax from its citizens and should be obliged to provide health care services to people for free rather than letting private hospitals loot people.
In conclusion, the amount the private healthcare service providers charge for treatment is outrageous, and mass people cannot afford that. The government should ensure proper healthcare facilities for all of its citizens and quality public healthcare service is a better solution than allowing private companies to control this important sector whose sole objective is to make profits.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use healthcare concisely Original: Good healthcare service Suggested revision: Good healthcare Why it matters: Healthcare already denotes the service, so service is redundant.
- 2. Remove the unnecessary comma Original: This is why, Suggested revision: This is why Why it matters: No comma should separate this linking phrase from its following clause.
- 3. Use British spelling Original: organizations Suggested revision: organisations Why it matters: Organisations is the standard British spelling.
- 4. Use the plural service term Original: health service Suggested revision: healthcare services Why it matters: The plural phrase naturally refers to the range of services under private control.
- 5. Use the formal company term Original: money Suggested revision: profit Why it matters: Profit-making is more formal and precise than money-making.
- 6. Remove redundant sector wording Original: profitable business sector Suggested revision: profit-driven business Why it matters: The revision avoids repeating sector and states the commercial motive directly.
- 7. Clarify the possessive structure Original: Those private organisations’ main objective Suggested revision: The main objective of those private organisations Why it matters: The of-phrase is clearer with the plural possessive noun.
- 8. Express affordability precisely Original: only rich citizens can pay Suggested revision: only wealthy citizens can afford to pay Why it matters: Afford to pay makes the financial limitation explicit.
- 9. Name hospital services clearly Original: treatment facilities of these hospitals Suggested revision: services provided by these hospitals Why it matters: The revision describes what the government lacks control over more naturally.
- 10. Use formal fee wording Original: charge people as much as they like Suggested revision: set whatever fees they choose Why it matters: The revision states discretionary pricing in a more formal way.
- 11. Clarify the affected system Original: overall healthcare system expensive in a country Suggested revision: country's overall healthcare system expensive Why it matters: The possessive form places country clearly with the healthcare system.
- 12. Use a parallel comparison Original: far neater and clean Suggested revision: much cleaner Why it matters: Cleaner provides the correct comparative form and removes the nonparallel adjectives.
Suggested Rewrites
- Good healthcare service Good healthcare
- This is why, This is why
- organizations organisations
- health service healthcare services
- money profit
- profitable business sector profit-driven business
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a consistent position and supports it with several relevant arguments about affordability, accountability, and public responsibility. Its main limitation is that some claims are sweeping or only briefly substantiated, while recurring awkward collocations and grammatical slips reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each argument with a specific, balanced explanation and then proofread for agreement, articles, and natural phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained throughout and supported by several relevant reasons, though some assertions are generalized rather than fully substantiated.
Develop the strongest arguments with concrete examples or clearer causal explanation instead of relying on broad claims about all private providers.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion, despite some repetitive linking.
Use a wider range of subtle transitions and clarify a few pronoun references to make connections less mechanical.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of topic-specific vocabulary, but awkward or imprecise combinations such as ‘wrong treatment’ and ‘mass people’ recur.
Replace unnatural collocations and overly emotive wording with precise academic alternatives, such as ‘inappropriate treatment’ and ‘many people’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the argument clearly, although agreement, article, punctuation, and comparative-form errors appear repeatedly.
Proofread complex sentences for subject-verb agreement, article use, and parallel adjective forms before finalizing the response.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that good health is a basic human need, so the medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.