The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In recent days, it is quite common for women to involve in several areas such as workplace and governmental institutions and this is totally different from the past decades. Some assert that it is easy for women to participate in some kinds of environment. However, some people believe that women cannot gain the gender equality because there is still injustice with the women position. I totally disagree with this viewpoint and this essay will look into the reasons.
The first reason is that women have similar rights to men nowadays. There is no gap between men and women because they have equal accesses to contribute to society. As a fact that there are many women who involve in workplaces even some of them gain an important position such as an employer in certain company. It proves that women have a leadership capability as same as men. Moreover, people think that men are stronger than women thus they cannot take position equal to man. However, I personally believe that women already have the same capacity as men. Take military service as an example, women recently join in military such as police and army. Therefore, there is no reason to say that women cannot reach something like men do.
In addition, women nowadays have freedom to express their opinions even becoming the agent of change. There are plenty of women as the representative of government such as being a politician even ministers or presidents. As the result, the power of women and men are similar to the government position.
It is true that women sometimes are restricted to be a leader for some case such as being a decision maker in the family life. However, the involvement of women in some parts of society proves that they have an equal position and power in this world.
In summary, it is not hard for women to obtain education and pursue their career nowadays. They even are able to be a great member of society. Therefore, both men and women are in the equality of gender because they have the same rights in this life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use correct time frame Original: days Suggested revision: decades Why it matters: The comparison concerns long-term social change, so “decades” expresses the period accurately.
- 2. Use passive form Original: for women to involve Suggested revision: for women to be involved Why it matters: “Involve” requires the passive form when women participate in the areas named afterward.
- 3. Fix number and modifier Original: workplace and governmental institutions Suggested revision: workplaces and government institutions Why it matters: The general noun “workplaces” should be plural, and “government” is the natural attributive modifier.
- 4. Use precise comparison Original: this is totally different from the past decades Suggested revision: this situation differs markedly from that of previous decades Why it matters: The revision identifies the comparison clearly and replaces the informal intensifier “totally.”
- 5. Use plural settings Original: some kinds of environment Suggested revision: various environments Why it matters: A plural noun is required after “kinds of,” and “various environments” is more concise.
- 6. Fix verb and article Original: gain the gender equality Suggested revision: achieve gender equality Why it matters: The standard collocation is “achieve gender equality,” without an article.
- 7. Fix possession and preposition Original: injustice with the women position Suggested revision: injustice in women's social position Why it matters: The possessive plural and the preposition “in” correctly express inequality affecting women's status.
- 8. Complete the comparison Original: similar rights to men Suggested revision: rights similar to those of men Why it matters: The comparison must be between women's rights and men's rights, not between rights and men.
- 9. Use uncountable access Original: accesses Suggested revision: access Why it matters: “Access” is uncountable when referring generally to opportunities for participation.
- 10. Use natural collocation Original: a leadership capability Suggested revision: leadership ability Why it matters: “Leadership ability” is the natural phrase for a person's capacity to lead.
- 11. Fix equality phrase Original: as same as men Suggested revision: equal to that of men Why it matters: “Equal to that of” correctly compares women's leadership ability with men's.
- 12. Fix tense and collocation Original: women recently join in military Suggested revision: women now serve in the military Why it matters: A present general fact needs the present tense, and people serve in the military.
Suggested Rewrites
- days decades
- for women to involve for women to be involved
- workplace and governmental institutions workplaces and government institutions
- this is totally different from the past decades this situation differs markedly from that of previous decades
- some kinds of environment various environments
- gain the gender equality achieve gender equality
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear disagreement and organises relevant examples from employment, the military, and government into a generally understandable argument. Its main limitation is that the claim of full equality is asserted more strongly than it is demonstrated, with the brief concession left largely unexplored. The highest-priority improvement is to develop the reasoning more critically while correcting recurring grammatical and collocational errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and relevant areas are discussed, but the reasoning is often generalised and the opposing evidence receives limited evaluation.
Explain how the examples prove equality across society and engage more fully with continuing inequalities before defending the final position.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a recognisable progression with separate main points, although some paragraph development is uneven and linking is occasionally mechanical.
Give each paragraph one clearly developed claim and connect the concession directly to the final judgement.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate to discuss rights and social participation, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Practise natural combinations such as "participate in the workplace," "equal access," and "hold a senior position."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex sentences are attempted, but recurrent errors with verb patterns, articles, agreement, and clause construction weaken accuracy.
Prioritise accurate verb forms after subjects and prepositions, then proofread articles and sentence boundaries systematically.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.