The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In recent decadesdays, it is quite common for women to be involvedfor women to involve in several areas such as workplaces and government institutionsworkplace and governmental institutions and this situation differs markedly from that of previous decadesthis is totally different from the past decades. Some assert that it is easy for women to participate in various environmentssome kinds of environment. However, some people believe that women cannot achieve gender equalitygain the gender equality because there is still injustice in women's social positioninjustice with the women position. I totally disagree with this viewpoint and this essay will look into the reasons.
The first reason is that women have rights similar to those of mensimilar rights to men nowadays. There is no gap between men and women because they have equal accessaccesses to contribute to society. As a fact that there are many women who involve in workplaces even some of them gain an important position such as an employer in certain company. It proves that women have leadership abilitya leadership capability equal to that of menas same as men. Moreover, people think that men are stronger than women thus they cannot take position equal to man. However, I personally believe that women already have the same capacity as men. Take military service as an example, women now serve in the militarywomen recently join in military such as the police force and the armypolice and army. Therefore, there is no reason to say that women cannot achieve as much as men doreach something like men do.
In addition, women nowadays have the freedom to expresshave freedom to express their opinions and can even become agents of changeeven becoming the agent of change. There are plenty of women as the representative of government such as being a politician even ministers or presidents. As athe result, the power of women and men are similar to the government position.
It is true that women sometimes are restricted from becoming leaders in some casesare restricted to be a leader for some case such as being a decision maker in the family life. However, the involvement of women in some parts of society proves that they have an equal position and power in this world.
In summary, it is not hard for women to obtain education and pursue their careerscareer nowadays. They even are able to be a great member of society. Therefore, both men and women have gender equalityare in the equality of gender because they have the same rights in this life.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear disagreement and organises relevant examples from employment, the military, and government into a generally understandable argument. Its main limitation is that the claim of full equality is asserted more strongly than it is demonstrated, with the brief concession left largely unexplored. The highest-priority improvement is to develop the reasoning more critically while correcting recurring grammatical and collocational errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and relevant areas are discussed, but the reasoning is often generalised and the opposing evidence receives limited evaluation.
Explain how the examples prove equality across society and engage more fully with continuing inequalities before defending the final position.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a recognisable progression with separate main points, although some paragraph development is uneven and linking is occasionally mechanical.
Give each paragraph one clearly developed claim and connect the concession directly to the final judgement.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate to discuss rights and social participation, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Practise natural combinations such as "participate in the workplace," "equal access," and "hold a senior position."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex sentences are attempted, but recurrent errors with verb patterns, articles, agreement, and clause construction weaken accuracy.
Prioritise accurate verb forms after subjects and prepositions, then proofread articles and sentence boundaries systematically.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.