The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is true that women in recent years have been given equal opportunities with menan equal opportunity as men to participate in some areas such as politics and educationpolitics, education etc. They are given a 3% quotagiven 3% quota for members of the House of Representativesin members of house representative in my country, Indonesia, and the numbernumbers of women who enter schoolenter the schools are getting higher and higher every year. However, there are some areas where societies still restrict equalityareas that societies still restrict the equality between men and women. I will discuss this issue furtherdiscuss further this issue in this essaythrough the essay. I believe that women are still seen as weakthe weak person in a traditional stereotypethe classical stereotype among traditional communitiesin traditional people, particularly in some remote areassome remotes area. The traditional way of thinking still believes that women should stay at home and do houseworksome house works such as washing clothes, cooking some food, cleaning the house as well as raisinggrowing the children. This condition tends to restrict the freedom of women to enter higher educationenter the higher education as well as participate more in politics or economicspolitical area or economical area. The case of Indonesian female migrant workersIndonesia women migrant labour, moreover, who experience violence from their employerswho get violence from the boss also proves that gender equality has not yet been achievedhas not been accommodated yet. People tend to suppose that women are weak and men are superiormen are the superiority who have more power thanthat women which lead to the case of violence done by men to women. Some people believe that the idea of gender equality has been approved through the policy of 30% quota in the political position, however, this kind of policy is unfair considering the number of women right now three times bigger than that of men. This policy is not representative enough. To sum up, the idea of gender equality should be upheld comprehensively in all sectors of life. It should be supported by government through balanced policy without discriminating such kind of gender.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response presents a clear position and supports it with several relevant examples concerning education, politics, domestic expectations, and violence. Its main limitation is the frequent inaccurate grammar and word choice, compounded by the absence of clear paragraphing, so the highest priority is to organise each main idea in a distinct paragraph and express it with more precise sentence structures and collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and relevant supporting ideas are offered, although several claims are insufficiently explained or internally inconsistent.
Develop fewer main points more fully and ensure that statistics and examples consistently support the stated position.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a broadly understandable sequence, but the single-block presentation and some mechanical linking weaken cohesion.
Separate the introduction, main ideas, and conclusion into clear paragraphs with one controlling idea in each.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, but frequent collocation and word-form errors reduce precision.
Prioritise accurate common combinations such as gender equality, political participation, domestic work, and raise children.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted and meaning is usually recoverable, but errors in articles, agreement, comparison, and clause control are frequent.
Use shorter controlled complex sentences and systematically check articles, singular-plural agreement, and relative clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.