It is important that we maintain and protect the beautiful buildings of the past, even if it is expensive for countries to do so. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
It is often pointed out that historical buildings are valuable treasures for a country and should be preserved even if the government needs to spend hefty amounts on them. I completely agree with this viewpoint, and my position is outlined in this essay. First of all, old and traditional buildings are of great architectural importance. Their sublime design attracts tourists and locals alike and is quite rare in modern structures. These historical edifices also give us an opportunity to learn about the glorious past. For example, the Roman Colosseum in Rome not only shows how awe-inspiring the ancient architectural designs were but also points out a massive arena used as a stadium for gladiators' fighting and has space to house around 50,000 spectators in tiered seating. This structure is a predominant representative of Roman culture and civilisation that modern historians cherish profoundly. In addition to this, historical monuments also serve as tourist magnetism in many countries. In today's world, many people plan their vacations in places of historical importance as they are curious to know more about the culture and traditions of the past. Many nations are benefited from these tourists, and as a result, they possess a booming tourism industry. For instance, millions of tourists including international tourists visit the Taj Mahal in India every year. This provides the government with a huge profit and also employs many locals, thus assisting the government financially. To conclude, I believe, it is worth spending money on ancient buildings as they not only possess historical importance but also a financial kernel for many governments.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a formal collocation Original: hefty amounts Suggested revision: large sums Why it matters: Large sums is a more natural formal expression for government spending.
- 2. Remove metadiscourse Original: and my position is outlined in this essay Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The clause repeats the function already performed by the clear statement of agreement.
- 3. Use uncountable design Original: the ancient architectural designs Suggested revision: ancient architectural design Why it matters: Design is more natural as an uncountable concept in this general reference.
- 4. Use the standard term Original: gladiators' fighting Suggested revision: gladiatorial contests Why it matters: The original possessive phrase is unnatural for the events held in the arena.
- 5. Correct the collocation Original: a predominant representative Suggested revision: a prominent example Why it matters: A building is naturally described as an example of a culture rather than a predominant representative.
- 6. Use precise wording Original: cherish profoundly Suggested revision: value highly Why it matters: Historians value a cultural example; cherish is overly personal in this context.
- 7. Name the attraction Original: magnetism Suggested revision: attractions Why it matters: Magnetism cannot denote the monuments themselves in this construction.
- 8. Use the active form Original: Many nations are benefited from Suggested revision: Many nations benefit from Why it matters: Benefit is used actively here because the nations receive the advantage.
- 9. Use a natural collocation Original: possess a booming tourism industry Suggested revision: have a thriving tourism industry Why it matters: Have a thriving industry is more idiomatic and precise.
- 10. Avoid repetition Original: tourists including international tourists Suggested revision: tourists, including many from abroad Why it matters: The revision removes the repeated noun while retaining the distinction.
- 11. Use precise heritage wording Original: valuable treasures for a country Suggested revision: valuable parts of a country's heritage Why it matters: The revision identifies the kind of national value more precisely.
- 12. Use the specific adjective Original: old Suggested revision: historic Why it matters: Historic directly conveys the buildings' significance to the past.
Suggested Rewrites
- hefty amounts large sums
- and my position is outlined in this essay Delete
- the ancient architectural designs ancient architectural design
- gladiators' fighting gladiatorial contests
- a predominant representative a prominent example
- cherish profoundly value highly
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay presents a clear, consistent position and develops two relevant benefits of preservation with specific, persuasive examples. Its main weakness is imprecise word choice, while the absence of clear paragraph breaks makes an otherwise logical argument less easy to navigate. Use conventional collocations and separate the introduction, each main reason, and conclusion into distinct paragraphs while retaining the focused development.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly supports its complete agreement through well-developed architectural, historical, and economic reasons illustrated with specific examples.
Refine the argument by briefly linking the benefits more explicitly to why the high preservation cost remains justified.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a clear introduction-to-reasons-to-conclusion sequence and uses cohesive devices effectively, but it is presented as one continuous paragraph.
Separate the introduction, the two main arguments, and the conclusion into distinct paragraphs to make progression immediately visible.
Lexical Resource
A wide vocabulary conveys nuanced ideas, though several conspicuous collocations, including tourist magnetism and financial kernel, are unnatural or imprecise.
Replace ambitious but unsuitable combinations with conventional academic phrases such as tourist attraction and source of revenue.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses varied complex structures with generally strong control, despite occasional faulty coordination, passive forms, and punctuation.
Check long coordinated sentences for parallel structure and revise forms such as are benefited to benefit from.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is important that we maintain and protect the beautiful buildings of the past, even if it is expensive for countries to do so. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.