Healthcare cost is increasing, and many governments are finding it difficult to balance their healthcare budget. To tackle this issue, some people suggest that citizens should be solely responsible for their own healthcare costs with private health insurance, while others suggest that the government should provide free health services for all. Disccuss both views and give your own opinion.
Same question Compare all 3 answers See different approaches and band scores for this IELTS task.Sample Response
A much-debated issue these days is whether citizens should take out private health insurance or not. The cost of providing free medical care for both the wealthy and the poor are far too great for any government, and most people agree that if you can pay for insurance, you should. In this essay, I will argue that all who can afford it should be insured, but free medical care must be made available for those too poor to do so. The most important reason for encouraging people to take out private health insurance is the cost to the government of health care. Free health cover for people who are able to pay for it is a waste of public money. Of course, people will only pay health insurance premiums if they know that they are getting good value for their money. If they get sick, they should pay very little or nothing at all. In addition, the privately insured are entitled to special benefits such as having the choice of their own doctors and being able to avoid long waiting lists for hospital beds. On the other hand, those who really cannot afford to pay private insurance premiums, which are often very high, are still entitled as citizens to the best medical care available – they cannot be expected to pay their own medical bills. However, if they are working, they should still pay a percentage of their wage (say 1 to 2%) as a tax which pays towards the cost of providing "free" medical services. In conclusion, most people should privately insure their health, but it is unreasonable to suppose that all citizens can afford it. Therefore, a safety net in the form of a basic free health care system must exist for the very poor and the unemployed.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundant phrase Original: or not Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: “Whether” already introduces the two possibilities, so “or not” is unnecessary here.
- 2. Fix agreement and collocation Original: are far too great Suggested revision: is far too high Why it matters: The singular head noun “cost” requires “is”, and a cost is conventionally described as high.
- 3. Avoid generic second person Original: if you can pay for insurance, you should Suggested revision: those who can pay for insurance should do so Why it matters: An impersonal construction maintains a consistent formal register.
- 4. Clarify pronoun reference Original: all who can afford it Suggested revision: everyone who can afford private health insurance Why it matters: Naming private health insurance removes the possible ambiguity of “it”.
- 5. Clarify reference Original: those too poor to do so Suggested revision: those who cannot afford it Why it matters: The revision states the intended financial limitation more directly and neutrally.
- 6. Clarify noun phrase Original: cost to the government of health care Suggested revision: cost of healthcare to the government Why it matters: Reordering the modifiers makes clear that healthcare imposes the cost on the government.
- 7. Use concise phrasing Original: having the choice of their own doctors Suggested revision: choosing their own doctors Why it matters: The gerund expresses the benefit more directly without changing its meaning.
- 8. Remove unnecessary intensifier Original: really cannot afford to pay Suggested revision: cannot afford to pay Why it matters: “Cannot afford” already states the financial inability clearly.
- 9. Format percentage range Original: (say 1 to 2%) Suggested revision: (for example, 1% to 2%) Why it matters: Repeating the percentage sign and using a formal example marker makes the range unambiguous.
- 10. Use accurate collocation Original: a tax which pays towards Suggested revision: a tax that contributes to Why it matters: A tax contributes to a cost rather than itself paying towards it.
- 11. Use natural collocation Original: privately insure their health Suggested revision: purchase private health insurance Why it matters: People purchase insurance; they do not normally “insure their health”.
Suggested Rewrites
- or not Delete
- are far too great is far too high
- if you can pay for insurance, you should those who can pay for insurance should do so
- all who can afford it everyone who can afford private health insurance
- those too poor to do so those who cannot afford it
- cost to the government of health care cost of healthcare to the government
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response’s strongest feature is its clear, nuanced position: people who can afford insurance should use it, while a publicly funded safety net should protect those who cannot. Its main limitation is presentation, because the entire argument is compressed into one paragraph despite distinct shifts between private insurance, public provision, and the conclusion. The highest priority is to preserve the strong reasoning while separating these functions into clearly signposted paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are addressed through a well-developed, consistent compromise that considers government costs, insurance benefits, affordability, and shared funding.
Clarify whether the proposed payroll contribution applies only to recipients of free care or forms part of a broader universal funding model.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses smoothly through logically connected points, but the lack of paragraph breaks obscures its otherwise clear functional structure.
Separate the introduction, case for private insurance, case for public support, and conclusion into four distinct paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and natural throughout, with effective use of terms related to insurance, public funding, entitlement, and access.
Maintain this precision while varying repeated references to paying, affordability, and medical care where concise substitution is possible.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentences is handled accurately, with only rare minor lapses such as disagreement between ‘cost’ and ‘are’.
Complete a final agreement check so singular subjects such as ‘the cost’ consistently take singular verbs.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Healthcare cost is increasing, and many governments are finding it difficult to balance their healthcare budget. To tackle this issue, some people suggest that citizens should be solely responsible for their own healthcare costs with private health insurance, while others suggest that the government should provide free health services for all. Disccuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
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