Some people think it is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment for people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Health is a major concern and hot topic all the time to discuss. Major diseases are increasing and quality of life is decreasing nowadays. I believe that prevention is better than cure. I strongly agree that governments should spend money and time to promote healthy lifestyles, in order to prevent the diseases than spending money that who are suffering from terminal illness.
Firstly terminal illness, like cancer, renal disease, delirium all this cannot be cured can only manage the symptoms experienced by clients. Secondly how much money we spend on this diseases also only can increase the lifespan and not able to provide quality of life. However, all this terminal illness can be preventable, if they take care themselves from maintaining healthy habits. Thirdly, to treat and manage these terminal diseases the cost of treatment is very high. However, people use insurance and med save, still not enough that money they need to top-up additionally to take treatment. Many clients they unable to manage them and hospitalised frequently.
Coming to the prevention of diseases, many people were educated in this modern world, so that easy to educate everybody on how to prevent diseases and as well as to promote quality of life. The government should spend the money to advertise on healthy eating habits, management of stress, diseases caused by drinking alcohol and smoking. Many major diseases caused by long-term diseases, for example, diabetes and hypertension. The government should conduct free health camps at least twice a year to screen the people and give the health education how to manage diabetes, hypertension. So that people can manage their health at home and also can prevent major diseases caused by them.
To sum up, since, many major diseases caused by poor healthy habits, stress and long-term diseases. So that I strongly agree that government spend the money on advertising on how to prevent illness than cure the terminal illness.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise phrasing Original: a major concern and hot topic all the time to discuss Suggested revision: a major concern and a frequently discussed topic Why it matters: The original phrase is grammatically awkward and unnecessarily wordy.
- 2. State trend precisely Original: Major diseases are increasing Suggested revision: The incidence of major diseases is increasing Why it matters: Diseases themselves do not increase; their incidence does.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: decreasing Suggested revision: declining Why it matters: Declining is the more natural verb for a reduction in quality of life.
- 4. Fix demonstrative agreement Original: this Suggested revision: these Why it matters: The plural noun diseases requires the plural demonstrative these.
- 5. Correct adverb order Original: also only can increase Suggested revision: can only increase Why it matters: The modal should precede only, and also is redundant in this clause.
- 6. Complete verb structure Original: not able to provide Suggested revision: cannot provide Why it matters: The clause needs a finite verb phrase parallel to can increase.
- 7. Fix number agreement Original: all this terminal illness Suggested revision: all these terminal illnesses Why it matters: All requires plural demonstrative and noun forms in this context.
- 8. Correct passive form Original: preventable Suggested revision: prevented Why it matters: Can be preventable incorrectly combines a modal passive structure with an adjective.
- 9. Correct verb pattern Original: take care themselves from maintaining Suggested revision: take care of themselves by maintaining Why it matters: Take care requires of, and by correctly introduces the method.
- 10. Mark introductory phrase Original: these terminal diseases the cost of treatment Suggested revision: these terminal diseases, the cost of treatment Why it matters: A comma is needed after the introductory infinitive phrase ending with diseases.
- 11. Fix clause structure Original: Many clients they unable Suggested revision: Many patients are unable Why it matters: The clause has a duplicated subject and lacks the finite verb are.
- 12. Clarify pronoun reference Original: manage them Suggested revision: manage their conditions Why it matters: Them has no clear antecedent and does not express what patients must manage.
Suggested Rewrites
- a major concern and hot topic all the time to discuss a major concern and a frequently discussed topic
- Major diseases are increasing The incidence of major diseases is increasing
- decreasing declining
- this these
- also only can increase can only increase
- not able to provide cannot provide
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response maintains a clear preference for prevention and offers several relevant policy ideas, including health education and screening. Its main limitation is that the reasoning relies on broad or inaccurate claims about terminal and preventable illnesses, while frequent grammatical errors make several sentences difficult to process. The highest-priority improvement is to build one medically plausible argument at a time and express each supporting point in complete, accurately controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position and relevant prevention measures are presented, but key claims are overgeneralised and development is uneven.
Support the preference for prevention with realistic evidence while acknowledging why treatment for existing illness still requires funding.
Coherence and Cohesion
The broad paragraph sequence is understandable, although mechanical numbering, repetition, and fragments weaken the flow within ideas.
Organise each body paragraph around one reason and connect complete supporting sentences through clear cause-and-effect progression.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate health-related vocabulary for the topic, but repetition and inaccurate collocations frequently limit precision.
Use more precise distinctions among prevention, chronic disease, terminal illness, treatment, and public-health spending.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors in sentence formation, agreement, articles, and verb patterns reduce control and sometimes impede readability.
Prioritise complete subject-verb sentences and check agreement and verb forms before attempting longer complex structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think it is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment for people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.