Some people think it is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment for people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Nature is the mother, origin and root of everything. Everything is part of nature and humankindthe humankind is not an exception to thisan exception for that. Yet, we, mankind, have a distinctive difference fromwith other parts of nature, the capability of thinking or rationalityso-called “Rationale”. This ability sometimes leads to cruel actions, for example, neglecting ill or old people. Nowadays, some people are engaged insome people engaged in a debate involvingdebate that is involving healthy people and those who are sick and ill. In greater detail, the discussion is on the subject of spending money for healthy peoplenormal and healthy people instead of taking care of ill people. In the following, reasons and examples are given forreasons and examples are stated about this debate. Every person has heard this proverb: ”Preventing is cheaper than cure”. This generates a theory which one of its basesbasis is leaving ill people and focusing on the futurefocusing on future. Actually, it is a rule of nature that the weak should be killedthat weak should be killed. At first sight, it is true but when you examine it closelylook at it from above it is an absolutely wrong rule. A life cycle of a person consists of birth, childhood, youth, growing old and eventually death. Considering the topic of our essay, being old or ill is associated with diseases. It is nature of oldness. On the whole, ill people, whether they are old or not, shouldn’t be evaluated by their health status. History is a great witness & supports for this fact, for example, “Steven Hawking”, the great physicistscientist of physics. He could not even move his fingers but contributed to the significant developments in the world. On the other hand, a person is not just a body and physiquenot just body and physic. Everybody has a soul, memory and feelings. When we intend to forget them and just considering future, thinking with regards to spending and saving money for next generation and future, this origin a great harm to unhealthy people. To sum up, it can be argued that, we, humans, shouldn’t care just about pleasant and apparently right people and occasions. Ill people are like us. They feel, enjoy and think. They should be treated wellhave behaved well and considered via spending money or paying attention to them.
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response shows genuine concern for ill people and provides a relevant example to support humane treatment. However, it largely reframes preventive-health spending as abandoning sick people, so it does not adequately evaluate the actual question of whether public funds should prioritise prevention or treatment; the single-block organisation and frequent language errors further blur the argument. The priority is to compare both spending choices directly, state a precise position, and support it with relevant public-health reasoning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response conveys opposition to neglecting ill people, but it misrepresents the proposed spending priority and gives little direct analysis of prevention, treatment, or how public money should be allocated.
Answer the actual comparison by explaining the benefits and limits of preventive programmes and medical treatment, then state what funding balance the government should adopt.
Coherence and Cohesion
A broad line of thought can be followed from prevention to concern for ill people, but the response is one long block with digressions, abrupt shifts, and weakly connected claims.
Use an introduction, one paragraph for prevention, one for treatment, and a conclusion, ensuring every sentence advances the funding comparison.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonably broad vocabulary, but frequent misselection and unnatural combinations such as "Rationale," "body and physic," and "this origin a great harm" often reduce precision.
Choose familiar words that express the intended meaning accurately, such as "reasoning," "physical body," and "causes serious harm," and avoid vague philosophical language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some varied structures are attempted, but frequent errors in clause construction, articles, verb forms, agreement, and punctuation sometimes make sentences difficult to follow.
Build shorter complete sentences with a clear subject and finite verb, then check articles and verb forms before combining ideas into complex structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think it is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment for people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.