Many parents use punishment to teach the difference between right and wrong to kids. Many people think that the punishment is necessary to help children learn the distinction. To what extent do you agree to punish a kid to teach him/ her something important? What kind of punishment do you think parents and teachers can use?
Sample Response
Teaching children to differentiate between the right and the wrong is an important and critical job for parents. There is one school of thought that believes that children can learn to distinguish between good and bad when they are subjected to punishment. From my point of view, punishment is one of the several methods, which will allow young brains to understand the difference between the positive and negative aspects of any action.
The human, by nature, performs efficiently and learn better when they are subjected to the sense of fear, rewards or greed. When it comes to children, they do behave and act better under the condition of getting punished, in case a wrong thing is done. Punishment without actually beating can be practised under certain scenarios, where the objective is to make young ones learn a lesson and develop cognitive abilities. Punishment can be in different forms, for instance stopping pocket money of children for a couple of days, reducing playtime of children and not buying them gifts or toys are also effective punishment.
On the other hand, the notion of rewards and appreciation can also make young ones become better decision makers. Research show that kids take smart decisions when they are in a competition and expect a reward at the end of that. School going kids are often subject to beating in some parts of the world and this is definitely not the advised way to deal with young pupils. Teachers, who are considered as eternal parents, make use of sticks and sometimes hands to physically punish students. This situation creates negative impacts on children and they lose confidence, feel insecure, and they become shy. Contrary to this, if the same students are handled in a more balanced way by following the rule of carrot and stick, that will bring desired results, children will acquire abilities to choose between what is beneficial for them and what is not.
To conclude, it is evident from above discussion that punishment is one of the tools to make young ones learn and adapt skills of differentiating between right or wrong. But, there are other ways which are even more effective to achieve the same objective.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove unnecessary articles Original: the right and the wrong Suggested revision: right and wrong Why it matters: The abstract contrast is normally expressed without definite articles.
- 2. Remove redundancy Original: important and critical Suggested revision: critical Why it matters: These adjectives repeat the same meaning in this context.
- 3. Remove the article Original: one of the several methods Suggested revision: one of several methods Why it matters: The definite article is unnecessary before the non-specific set “several methods.”
- 4. Use a defining clause Original: , which will allow Suggested revision: that can allow Why it matters: A restrictive “that” clause correctly identifies the methods being described.
- 5. Refer to people directly Original: young brains Suggested revision: children Why it matters: The original metonym is awkward and less precise than naming the children directly.
- 6. Use natural phrasing Original: under the condition of getting punished Suggested revision: when they expect punishment Why it matters: The original phrase is cumbersome and unidiomatic.
- 7. Clarify the condition Original: , in case a wrong thing is done Suggested revision: after doing something wrong Why it matters: “In case” describes a precaution, whereas this sentence refers to punishment following an action.
- 8. Use a natural preposition Original: under certain scenarios Suggested revision: in certain situations Why it matters: “In certain situations” is the idiomatic expression here.
- 9. Use concise wording Original: become better decision makers Suggested revision: make better decisions Why it matters: The replacement expresses the same idea more directly.
- 10. Correct subject agreement Original: show Suggested revision: shows Why it matters: The uncountable singular noun “research” takes the singular verb “shows.”
- 11. Fix the collocation Original: take smart decisions Suggested revision: make sound decisions Why it matters: Standard English uses “make decisions,” and “sound” is more appropriate in this formal context.
- 12. Use a concise form Original: in a competition Suggested revision: competing Why it matters: The participle expresses the circumstance more naturally after “when they are.”
Suggested Rewrites
- the right and the wrong right and wrong
- important and critical critical
- one of the several methods one of several methods
- , which will allow that can allow
- young brains children
- under the condition of getting punished when they expect punishment
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a relevant, nuanced view that non-physical punishment can be useful and provides several practical examples, while clearly rejecting corporal punishment. Its main limitation is uneven coverage: suitable measures for parents are specific, but the advice for teachers and the exact extent of agreement are less fully developed. The highest priority is to separate and support recommendations for each group while clarifying the position consistently.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both the value and forms of punishment, but its position and recommendations for teachers are only partly developed.
State the precise extent of agreement and give specific, justified non-physical measures that teachers as well as parents can use.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a generally clear progression, though the shift to rewards and a long final body sentence weaken local cohesion.
Use one controlling idea per paragraph and divide long chains of claims into clearly connected sentences.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for the topic, but recurring awkward collocations and imprecise expressions limit lexical control.
Use more natural combinations such as make good decisions, withhold pocket money, and develop the ability to distinguish right from wrong.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but agreement, article, punctuation, and sentence-boundary errors occur repeatedly.
Prioritise subject-verb agreement and break run-on structures into complete, accurately punctuated sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many parents use punishment to teach the difference between right and wrong to kids. Many people think that the punishment is necessary to help children learn the distinction. To what extent do you agree to punish a kid to teach him/ her something important? What kind of punishment do you think parents and teachers can use?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.