Many parents use punishment to teach the difference between right and wrong to kids. Many people think that the punishment is necessary to help children learn the distinction. To what extent do you agree to punish a kid to teach him/ her something important? What kind of punishment do you think parents and teachers can use?
Sample Response
Teaching children to differentiate between the right and the wrong is an important and critical job for parents. There is one school of thought that believes that children can learn to distinguish between good and bad when they are subjected to punishment. From my point of view, punishment is one of the several methods, which will allow young brains to understand the difference between the positive and negative aspects of any action.
The human, by nature, performs efficiently and learn better when they are subjected to the sense of fear, rewards or greed. When it comes to children, they do behave and act better under the condition of getting punished, in case a wrong thing is done. Punishment without actually beating can be practised under certain scenarios, where the objective is to make young ones learn a lesson and develop cognitive abilities. Punishment can be in different forms, for instance stopping pocket money of children for a couple of days, reducing playtime of children and not buying them gifts or toys are also effective punishment.
On the other hand, the notion of rewards and appreciation can also make young ones become better decision makers. Research show that kids take smart decisions when they are in a competition and expect a reward at the end of that. School going kids are often subject to beating in some parts of the world and this is definitely not the advised way to deal with young pupils. Teachers, who are considered as eternal parents, make use of sticks and sometimes hands to physically punish students. This situation creates negative impacts on children and they lose confidence, feel insecure, and they become shy. Contrary to this, if the same students are handled in a more balanced way by following the rule of carrot and stick, that will bring desired results, children will acquire abilities to choose between what is beneficial for them and what is not.
To conclude, it is evident from above discussion that punishment is one of the tools to make young ones learn and adapt skills of differentiating between right or wrong. But, there are other ways which are even more effective to achieve the same objective.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove unnecessary articles Original: the right and the wrong Suggested revision: right and wrong Why it matters: The fixed contrast “right and wrong” does not take definite articles.
- 2. Avoid redundant synonyms Original: important and critical Suggested revision: important Why it matters: Both adjectives convey nearly the same meaning in this context.
- 3. Fix determiner and clause Original: one of the several methods, which will allow Suggested revision: one of several methods that can allow Why it matters: The indefinite set needs no “the,” and a defining relative clause takes no comma.
- 4. Refer to people directly Original: young brains Suggested revision: children Why it matters: “Children” is clearer and more appropriate than reducing people to a body part.
- 5. Use plural generalization Original: The human, by nature, Suggested revision: Humans, by nature, Why it matters: A general statement about people requires the plural noun without an article.
- 6. Fix subject agreement Original: performs Suggested revision: perform Why it matters: The plural subject “Humans” requires plural verb forms.
- 7. Use natural condition Original: under the condition of getting punished Suggested revision: when they may be punished Why it matters: The revised clause expresses the possibility of punishment directly and naturally.
- 8. Use active wording Original: in case a wrong thing is done Suggested revision: when they do something wrong Why it matters: The active clause clearly identifies the children as the people who act wrongly.
- 9. Use precise term Original: Punishment without actually beating Suggested revision: Non-physical punishment Why it matters: This term directly distinguishes the proposed punishment from beating.
- 10. Fix preposition and linker Original: under certain scenarios, where Suggested revision: in certain situations when Why it matters: Events occur “in” situations, and “when” introduces the relevant circumstances.
- 11. Use help construction Original: make young ones learn a lesson Suggested revision: help children learn a lesson Why it matters: “Help children learn” is more natural and less coercive than the causative construction.
- 12. Remove double causative Original: make young ones become Suggested revision: help children become Why it matters: Using both “make” and “become” creates an awkward double causative.
Suggested Rewrites
- the right and the wrong right and wrong
- important and critical important
- one of the several methods, which will allow one of several methods that can allow
- young brains children
- The human, by nature, Humans, by nature,
- performs perform
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response gives a clear qualified view that non-physical punishment can be useful, offers several specific examples, and sensibly contrasts it with rewards and the harmful effects of corporal punishment. The main weakness is that some claims about fear and children's behaviour are broad or insufficiently justified, while recurring language errors reduce precision. The priority is to define proportionate consequences and explain how they teach responsibility rather than merely produce obedience.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered with a consistent qualified position, concrete non-physical punishments, and relevant discussion of rewards and corporal punishment.
Explain why each proposed consequence is fair, age-appropriate, and logically connected to the child's behaviour.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is organised logically from the position to non-physical punishment, alternatives, and a balanced conclusion, with generally clear progression.
Separate the rewards discussion from the corporal-punishment warning so each idea develops through a clearer sequence.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for discipline and child development, but awkward collocations and imprecise expressions recur.
Prefer terms such as consequences, positive reinforcement, decision-making, physical punishment, and distinguish right from wrong.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are used with mostly clear meaning, but agreement, articles, plural forms, punctuation, and clause construction are often inaccurate.
Proofread subject-verb agreement and split comma-linked independent clauses, particularly in examples and the long final body sentence.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many parents use punishment to teach the difference between right and wrong to kids. Many people think that the punishment is necessary to help children learn the distinction. To what extent do you agree to punish a kid to teach him/ her something important? What kind of punishment do you think parents and teachers can use?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.