There are various reasons for attending colleges and universities and getting a job is definitely one of them. However, many other reasons drive us to enrol in a college or university. Why do you think people attend colleges or universities?
Sample Response
After completing basic school level education, most of the people aspire for colleges/universities for further education. Although everyone seems to have different motive to join colleges but the most tempting one seems to be getting a hefty pay package after leaving the college. But there can be other reasons as well like to interact with people or to deep dive into a subject. Let’s start with the reason why most people argue to get good marks in your 12th standard. In my city, there are a plethora of colleges but you need to burn the night oil to get into one of the top colleges in north campus. These colleges are not only having a legacy to deliver gold standard students but they also ensure that their students get a job in hand even before finishing their course through campus placements. So students join these colleges to ensure a financially secure future. But there are others as well for whom these colleges serve deeper insight about a subject they are keen to know about. These colleges offer specialisation in the field of science, commerce and arts which were not there during the school time. Apart from this, college/university offers a completely new experience to all students in terms of interaction with different peoples. College time perceived to be the best part of someone life. Here you meet people who play very important role in your life, for instance, your teachers, friends, role models etc. College life certainly helps a person to transform his life and choose the path in his life he wants to continue. The reason why I joined a college is quite different from the one discussed above. Even before joining I got myself enrolled for some professional course where a well-defined career is a certainty. So my reason is only to get a graduate degree which could have helped me sometime in future.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise wording Original: basic school level education Suggested revision: basic school education Why it matters: ‘Level’ is redundant because ‘school education’ already identifies the stage.
- 2. Remove unnecessary article Original: most of the people Suggested revision: most people Why it matters: A general reference to people does not require ‘of the’.
- 3. Correct the collocation Original: aspire for colleges/universities Suggested revision: aspire to attend colleges or universities Why it matters: The verb ‘aspire’ takes an infinitive when describing the goal of attending higher education.
- 4. Use formal wording Original: a hefty pay package Suggested revision: a high salary Why it matters: ‘High salary’ is clearer and more appropriate for an academic essay.
- 5. Express graduation clearly Original: after leaving the college Suggested revision: after graduating from college Why it matters: The revision specifies the intended completion of higher education rather than merely leaving a building.
- 6. Introduce examples correctly Original: other reasons as well like to interact Suggested revision: other reasons as well, such as interacting Why it matters: ‘Such as’ correctly introduces the gerund example in this sentence.
- 7. Use academic wording Original: to deep dive into a subject Suggested revision: to explore a subject in depth Why it matters: This phrase expresses the idea more naturally in formal writing.
- 8. Fix subject agreement Original: are Suggested revision: is Why it matters: The grammatical subject ‘a plethora’ is singular and requires ‘is’.
- 9. Correct the idiom Original: night Suggested revision: midnight Why it matters: The established idiom for studying late is ‘burn the midnight oil’.
- 10. Use simple present Original: are not only having a legacy Suggested revision: not only have a legacy Why it matters: The stative meaning of possession requires the simple present rather than the progressive form.
- 11. Use natural collocation Original: deliver gold standard students Suggested revision: produce high-achieving graduates Why it matters: Institutions can ‘produce graduates’, whereas ‘deliver students’ is not natural in this context.
- 12. Use concise wording Original: get a job in hand Suggested revision: secure a job Why it matters: ‘Secure a job’ is the standard concise expression for obtaining employment.
Suggested Rewrites
- basic school level education basic school education
- most of the people most people
- aspire for colleges/universities aspire to attend colleges or universities
- a hefty pay package a high salary
- after leaving the college after graduating from college
- other reasons as well like to interact other reasons as well, such as interacting
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay offers several relevant reasons for university attendance, including employment, specialist knowledge, social connections and personal development, and these ideas are generally understandable. Its main limitation is uneven development: the discussion sometimes shifts into unclear local examples and the personal ending does not effectively synthesise the argument. The priority is to organise each reason in a separate paragraph and support it with one precise explanation or example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the question with several relevant motivations, but some explanations are unclear or insufficiently developed and the final personal example adds little synthesis.
Develop three distinct reasons with clear cause-and-effect explanation, then conclude by summarising their shared importance.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall sequence of career, academic and social reasons is discernible, but the single-block presentation and abrupt shifts weaken progression.
Use separate body paragraphs for each major reason and connect every example directly to its controlling idea.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss education and careers, though frequent awkward collocations and misused idioms reduce precision.
Replace expressions such as "aspire for colleges", "burn the night oil" and "serve deeper insight" with direct academic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex structures communicates the main ideas, but agreement, article and clause-construction errors recur frequently.
Proofread for complete clauses and agreement, especially after "although", with singular subjects such as "college", and in relative clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
There are various reasons for attending colleges and universities and getting a job is definitely one of them. However, many other reasons drive us to enrol in a college or university. Why do you think people attend colleges or universities?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.