There are various reasons for attending colleges and universities and getting a job is definitely one of them. However, many other reasons drive us to enrol in a college or university. Why do you think people attend colleges or universities?
Sample Response
Most of the people perceive that a tertiary level of education is important. So they attend colleges and universities for certain reasons. It is because enrolling to these institutions will later give them a better and convenient life as well as to make them academically knowledgeable that subsequently use in their future circumstances as will now be analysed. Firstly, one reason behind why people continue to pursue their education at universities is that this will give them a comfortable life. For instance, I finished my bachelor’s degree in nursing at the University of Baguio in Baguio city, Philippines. Then successfully passed my national exam and has worked in one of the best hospitals in Melbourne, Australia, the Royal Melbourne Hospital. I have had a good paying job and nursing career that made me provide not only my basic needs but also the physiological needs of my family. In fact, I was able to buy my family a Ferrari van that makes their transportation easy and convenient. So this is one of the good reasons why people want to finish the college or university education. Another reason people go to colleges is they want to become academically knowledgeable that would later be used in their future encounters. For example, while studying nursing at my university, I become a critically-minded individual because I learned to reason out soundly and have made better decisions in my life. I also have known the scientific method of problem-solving which I always use whenever I face inevitable conflicts. Thus, this purpose can be seen also a reason for people to go to colleges and universities. In conclusion, to have a better and convenient life with own family in the future, and to become academically knowledgeable that would be later used in their future circumstances are two of the many purposes that people think why they go to colleges and universities. There are many different reasons why they do this. So I think that it is always been a good idea to continue and pursue a higher education, so go and enroll to universities.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove unnecessary article Original: Most of the people Suggested revision: Most people Why it matters: Use “most people” when making a general statement without identifying a specific group.
- 2. Use concise phrase Original: a tertiary level of education Suggested revision: tertiary education Why it matters: “Tertiary education” expresses the same idea more naturally and concisely.
- 3. Capitalise proper name Original: city Suggested revision: City Why it matters: “City” is part of this proper place name and requires a capital letter.
- 4. Express ability clearly Original: made me provide Suggested revision: enabled me to provide Why it matters: “Enabled me to provide” correctly expresses that the career made financial support possible.
- 5. Avoid inaccurate term Original: physiological needs of my family Suggested revision: needs of my family Why it matters: “Physiological needs” is overly technical and substantially overlaps with the preceding “basic needs.”
- 6. Use natural expression Original: makes their transportation easy and convenient Suggested revision: makes travelling easier and more convenient for them Why it matters: The revised phrase describes the family’s travel naturally and avoids the awkward possessive “transportation.”
- 7. Fix article use Original: finish the college or university education Suggested revision: complete a college or university education Why it matters: The general singular phrase needs the indefinite article “a,” and “complete” is the natural verb.
- 8. Add linking word Original: colleges is they want Suggested revision: colleges is that they want Why it matters: The complement clause after “is” needs the conjunction “that.”
- 9. Fix modifier reference Original: become academically knowledgeable that would later be used Suggested revision: gain academic knowledge that they can later use Why it matters: The relative clause must refer to usable “knowledge,” not to knowledgeable people.
- 10. Use past tense Original: become Suggested revision: became Why it matters: The university experience is narrated in the past, so “became” is required.
- 11. Use natural term Original: critically-minded individual Suggested revision: critical thinker Why it matters: “Critical thinker” is the conventional concise term for a person who evaluates ideas carefully.
- 12. Correct collocation Original: reason out soundly Suggested revision: reason logically Why it matters: “Reason logically” is the natural collocation for sound analytical thinking.
Suggested Rewrites
- Most of the people Most people
- a tertiary level of education tertiary education
- city City
- made me provide enabled me to provide
- physiological needs of my family needs of my family
- makes their transportation easy and convenient makes travelling easier and more convenient for them
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response gives a clear answer and uses detailed personal examples to explain how higher education can improve life and intellectual ability. Its main limitations are narrow and repetitive development, weak paragraph separation, and frequent awkward or inaccurate sentence construction. The highest-priority improvement is to organise each distinct reason into a focused paragraph and express the supporting explanation in shorter, grammatically controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay identifies relevant reasons and supports them at length, but the discussion is narrow, repetitive, and heavily dependent on personal examples.
Present a broader range of clearly distinct motivations and explain their general relevance instead of relying mainly on one personal story.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall sequence is understandable and basic linking is present, but the response lacks effective paragraphing and repeats ideas and phrasing mechanically.
Use separate introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs, with one central reason and a concise supporting chain in each body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss education and its benefits, including some less common items, but awkward collocations and repetition are frequent.
Replace unnatural combinations with standard academic phrasing and use referencing to avoid repeatedly restating colleges, universities, and future circumstances.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex structures communicates the main meaning, but frequent errors in tense, agreement, articles, infinitives, and clause construction reduce accuracy.
Build shorter complete sentences and check that every finite verb agrees with its subject and matches the intended time reference.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
There are various reasons for attending colleges and universities and getting a job is definitely one of them. However, many other reasons drive us to enrol in a college or university. Why do you think people attend colleges or universities?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.