Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?
Sample Response
Most criminals tend to commit crimes again, once they are released from jail. This is mainly because of the lack of rehabilitation in prisons and also the difficulty they face in finding employment. There are a lot of solutions to overcome this situation. In this essay, we will explain why the criminals commit the same crime again and the reasons to overcome this.
The main reason for the repetition of crimes is the lack of reskilling options in jails. Since they are unable to find the right employment, they resort to unfair means to earn their daily bread. Another reason is that there aren’t strict laws to keep them under control.
Some effective measures are imposing strict punishments and improving their skills like craft making, fashion designing, catering and so on. They will be engaged in work once they are out of prison and become self-sustained.
To sum up, the government must closely monitor the criminals even after they are out of prison and ensure that there is a reduction in crime rate so that we can make the world a better place to live in.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove unnecessary comma Original: crimes again, once Suggested revision: crimes again once Why it matters: The comma incorrectly separates the main clause from the dependent time clause.
- 2. Use formal quantifier Original: a lot of solutions Suggested revision: several solutions Why it matters: 'Several' is more concise and appropriately formal for an academic essay.
- 3. Correct meaning Original: reasons Suggested revision: ways Why it matters: The essay proposes measures, so 'ways' conveys the intended meaning.
- 4. Use precise term Original: repetition of crimes Suggested revision: recurrence of crime Why it matters: 'Recurrence of crime' is a more natural expression for repeated offending.
- 5. Choose natural adjective Original: the right employment Suggested revision: suitable employment Why it matters: 'Suitable employment' is the natural collocation for work that matches a person's circumstances or skills.
- 6. Use accurate term Original: unfair Suggested revision: illegal Why it matters: 'Illegal' accurately describes criminal methods, whereas 'unfair' is too vague.
- 7. Express degree clearly Original: there aren’t strict laws Suggested revision: the laws are not strict enough Why it matters: This construction correctly expresses that the existing laws are insufficiently strict.
- 8. Use natural examples Original: skills like craft making, fashion designing, catering Suggested revision: skills such as handicrafts, fashion design and catering Why it matters: The revision uses formal example language and natural names for the vocational skills.
- 9. Choose correct adjective Original: sustained Suggested revision: sufficient Why it matters: 'Self-sufficient' is the standard adjective for people able to support themselves.
- 10. Add definite article Original: a reduction in crime rate Suggested revision: a reduction in the crime rate Why it matters: The definite article is required before the specific measurable rate being discussed.
- 11. Use precise group term Original: Most criminals tend to Suggested revision: Many offenders tend to Why it matters: 'Offenders' is the more precise term for people who have committed crimes and served punishment.
- 12. Use formal term Original: jail Suggested revision: prison Why it matters: 'Prison' is the more formal term in an academic discussion of punishment.
Suggested Rewrites
- crimes again, once crimes again once
- a lot of solutions several solutions
- reasons ways
- repetition of crimes recurrence of crime
- the right employment suitable employment
- unfair illegal
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response's strongest feature is its clear organisation and direct identification of rehabilitation, employment, punishment, training, and monitoring as relevant factors. However, at 186 words, the ideas are too briefly stated to answer the task in sufficient depth, and some wording is imprecise; the highest priority is to reach the required length by fully explaining how each cause leads to reoffending and how each proposed measure would work.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are addressed, but the markedly short response offers limited explanation and support for most causes and solutions.
Develop two principal causes and two matched measures with clear reasoning, consequences, and concrete examples in at least 250 words.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a clear introduction-body-conclusion sequence, though the very short body paragraphs limit the progression of ideas.
Build fuller body paragraphs in which each topic sentence is followed by explanation, a result, and a relevant example.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for the topic and includes some useful crime-related language, but the range is limited and several collocations are inaccurate.
Use more precise expressions such as secure stable employment, vocational training, social reintegration, and reduce reoffending.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences communicates the main message clearly, although awkward constructions and minor punctuation errors recur.
Revise unclear structures, especially phrases such as reasons to overcome this, and check comma placement and reference words.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.