Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?
This response is estimated at Band 4.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The elevation of crime is emerging rapidly severe in numerous nations and countries. Although offenders threaten many communitiesmyriad societies, their devastating consequences can be addressed effectivelycombated triumphantly. This essaydiscourse examinesappraises some of the troubles caused by widespread crimeextensive volumes of unlawful acts on the entire planet and proposesnominates some viable remedies to curb the grave concerns.
To begin with, it causes many problemsan abundance of tangles. The first and foremost is the annihilation of the natural beauty and territory of the human kingdom. The effectschattels are extremely obvious and cannot be ignoredsnubbed in a short span of time which stimulates perilous sequels for future generationsgenesis. For Instance, in a recent report, it emerged that a prisoner after fulfilling their punishment more involved in criminal activities across the globe. Another concernthe second raise of vexation is poverty and unemploymentthe level of poverty and unemployment which can contribute to reoffendingwhich are contributing factors to committing the offence.
However, the menace of resolutions can be fought. Education and awareness are keyCultivation and awareness is the prime key to confronting the challenges. The population needs to be cognizant of the adversity. Therefore, they can avoid reoffendingevade doing it. Moreover, the global state should take rigorous action by enforcing robust strategies and plans to confront the trouble instantly and general folk inevitably bestow their pertinent chunks. To cite an example, researchResearch findings reveal that cultivation is the prime key to reduce rising crime ratesmitigate with rising crime rates instead of life sentences.
In athe nutshell, high crimes are an acute issue because it induces hazardous impacts on flora and fauna, people’s health, and lifestyle, and the entire planet. The superior avenue to address it is the anterior solvents. Even though the challenge is improbable to be entirely eradicated in a short span of time there should be concrete measures to mitigate the detrimental effects it is having on the community.
Why this response received Band 4.5
The response shows some awareness that poverty, unemployment, education, and government action can relate to crime, and it has a recognizable problem-solution structure. However, much of the discussion concerns generic or environmental harm rather than why punished offenders reoffend, while pervasive word-choice and grammar problems obscure meaning; the highest-priority improvement is to answer both questions directly with clearly explained, relevant causes and specific measures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response offers a few potentially relevant causes and remedies, but it largely misinterprets the task as a general crime problem and leaves reoffending insufficiently explained.
Organize the essay around specific reasons former prisoners reoffend and corresponding measures that directly prevent repeat offending.
Coherence and Cohesion
A basic introduction-body-conclusion structure is visible, but progression is weak because ideas shift abruptly and references are often vague or illogical.
Give each paragraph one clear purpose and connect every supporting sentence explicitly to its controlling idea.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a broad vocabulary, but pervasive misuse, unnatural collocations, and unnecessarily obscure wording frequently impede meaning.
Replace memorized or ornate expressions with familiar words used accurately in direct statements about causes, consequences, and solutions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in sentence construction, agreement, articles, capitalization, and punctuation make several passages difficult to follow.
Build shorter complete sentences first, then check each one for a clear subject, correctly formed verb, and appropriate punctuation.