Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?
Sample Response
The elevation of crime is emerging rapidly severe in numerous nations and countries. Although offenders threaten myriad societies, their devastating consequences can be combated triumphantly. This discourse appraises some of the troubles caused by extensive volumes of unlawful acts on the entire planet and nominates some viable remedies to curb the grave concerns.
To begin with, it causes an abundance of tangles. The first and foremost is the annihilation of the natural beauty and territory of the human kingdom. The chattels are extremely obvious and cannot be snubbed in a short span of time which stimulates perilous sequels for future genesis. For Instance, in a recent report, it emerged that a prisoner after fulfilling their punishment more involved in criminal activities across the globe. the second raise of vexation is the level of poverty and unemployment which are contributing factors to committing the offence.
However, the menace of resolutions can be fought. Cultivation and awareness is the prime key to confronting the challenges. The population needs to be cognizant of the adversity. Therefore, they can evade doing it. Moreover, the global state should take rigorous action by enforcing robust strategies and plans to confront the trouble instantly and general folk inevitably bestow their pertinent chunks. To cite an example, Research findings reveal that cultivation is the prime key to mitigate with rising crime rates instead of life sentences.
In the nutshell, high crimes are an acute issue because it induces hazardous impacts on flora and fauna, people’s health, and lifestyle, and the entire planet. The superior avenue to address it is the anterior solvents. Even though the challenge is improbable to be entirely eradicated in a short span of time there should be concrete measures to mitigate the detrimental effects it is having on the community.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural wording Original: myriad societies Suggested revision: many communities Why it matters: Societies are not naturally described as something that offenders directly threaten in this phrasing.
- 2. Correct collocation Original: combated triumphantly Suggested revision: addressed effectively Why it matters: Consequences are addressed or reduced, while combated triumphantly is unnatural here.
- 3. Use essay register Original: discourse Suggested revision: essay Why it matters: Essay is the standard and clearer term for the present response.
- 4. Choose accurate verb Original: appraises Suggested revision: examines Why it matters: Appraise means assess value or quality and does not fit introducing the issues discussed.
- 5. Replace unnatural phrase Original: extensive volumes of unlawful acts Suggested revision: widespread crime Why it matters: Crime is not naturally measured as extensive volumes of acts in this context.
- 6. Use correct verb Original: nominates Suggested revision: proposes Why it matters: Solutions are proposed rather than nominated.
- 7. State meaning clearly Original: an abundance of tangles Suggested revision: many problems Why it matters: Tangles does not clearly refer to the social problems caused by crime.
- 8. Correct word choice Original: chattels Suggested revision: effects Why it matters: Chattels means movable possessions and cannot refer to consequences.
- 9. Correct verb choice Original: snubbed Suggested revision: ignored Why it matters: Snubbed applies to treating a person dismissively, whereas effects can be ignored.
- 10. Use correct term Original: genesis Suggested revision: generations Why it matters: Genesis means an origin and cannot refer to people living in the future.
- 11. Replace unclear phrase Original: the second raise of vexation Suggested revision: Another concern Why it matters: The original phrase is not an intelligible way to introduce the next problem.
- 12. Fix coordinated subject Original: the level of poverty and unemployment Suggested revision: poverty and unemployment Why it matters: Removing the singular head noun creates a clear plural subject for the following relative clause.
Suggested Rewrites
- myriad societies many communities
- combated triumphantly addressed effectively
- discourse essay
- appraises examines
- extensive volumes of unlawful acts widespread crime
- nominates proposes
Why this response received Band 4.5
The response shows some awareness that poverty, unemployment, education, and government action can relate to crime, and it has a recognizable problem-solution structure. However, much of the discussion concerns generic or environmental harm rather than why punished offenders reoffend, while pervasive word-choice and grammar problems obscure meaning; the highest-priority improvement is to answer both questions directly with clearly explained, relevant causes and specific measures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response offers a few potentially relevant causes and remedies, but it largely misinterprets the task as a general crime problem and leaves reoffending insufficiently explained.
Organize the essay around specific reasons former prisoners reoffend and corresponding measures that directly prevent repeat offending.
Coherence and Cohesion
A basic introduction-body-conclusion structure is visible, but progression is weak because ideas shift abruptly and references are often vague or illogical.
Give each paragraph one clear purpose and connect every supporting sentence explicitly to its controlling idea.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a broad vocabulary, but pervasive misuse, unnatural collocations, and unnecessarily obscure wording frequently impede meaning.
Replace memorized or ornate expressions with familiar words used accurately in direct statements about causes, consequences, and solutions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in sentence construction, agreement, articles, capitalization, and punctuation make several passages difficult to follow.
Build shorter complete sentences first, then check each one for a clear subject, correctly formed verb, and appropriate punctuation.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.