Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?
Sample Response
Several criminals are likely to commit other offences after serving their initial term, owing to their incapacity to maintain economic stability and difficulty finding suitable employment. However, there are several options for dealing with this scenario, such as providing financial assistance and instilling the necessary skills. This essay will look at why criminals commit the same crimes over and over again and how to avoid them.
To begin with, most first-time convicts commit crimes after serving their first sentence due to the lack of employment options and opportunities to retrain and master new skills to make a living. Moreover, since society does not accept the convicts as respectable people anymore, they join hands with their criminal friends and perpetuate the same crimes, such as pickpocketing or robbing, to make ends meet and avail basic necessities. As a result, the financial hardships of the perpetrators prompt them to recommit the crimes regardless of the repercussions.
There are some viable measures to rehabiliate habitual criminals. The government can provide financial assistance to them after they complete their sentence as this will help them stabilize their economic status and make a living for themselves. The government can also ensure that criminals have the opportunity to retrain vital skills while in prison, as this will help them find stable work after their sentence is over and will improve their reintegration into society and financial development.
To sum up, the convicts recommit the crimes owing to a lack of financial help, job opportunities, and rehabilitation. Still, crime rates would drop considerably if the government implemented the above-mentioned measures and kept a close eye on first-time offenders once set free.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: incapacity to maintain economic stability Suggested revision: inability to achieve financial stability Why it matters: This wording expresses the financial difficulty more naturally and precisely.
- 2. Correct the collocation Original: instilling the necessary skills Suggested revision: teaching them the necessary skills Why it matters: Skills are taught or developed rather than instilled in this context.
- 3. Clarify the reference Original: avoid them Suggested revision: prevent reoffending Why it matters: The pronoun has an unclear referent, whereas the replacement names the intended outcome.
- 4. Use the article Original: the Suggested revision: a Why it matters: The indefinite article is more natural when introducing one contributing shortage.
- 5. Improve word choice Original: opportunities to retrain and master new skills Suggested revision: opportunities to retrain or acquire new skills Why it matters: People retrain, while skills are acquired, so the revised coordination is more accurate.
- 6. Use precise reference Original: the convicts as respectable people anymore Suggested revision: former convicts as respectable people Why it matters: Former convicts identifies people who have completed their sentences and removes the awkward time adverb.
- 7. Avoid an awkward idiom Original: join hands with their criminal friends Suggested revision: associate with criminal peers Why it matters: The replacement conveys renewed criminal association in a more formal and precise way.
- 8. Correct the collocation Original: perpetuate Suggested revision: commit Why it matters: People commit crimes; perpetuate is not the appropriate verb for individual offences here.
- 9. Correct verb use Original: avail Suggested revision: obtain Why it matters: Avail does not take necessities as a direct object in standard English.
- 10. Correct the spelling Original: rehabiliate Suggested revision: rehabilitate Why it matters: The verb rehabilitate is misspelled.
- 11. Correct the collocation Original: retrain Suggested revision: acquire Why it matters: A person retrains for work but acquires or develops skills.
- 12. Use the intended term Original: development Suggested revision: stability Why it matters: Financial stability matches the stated goal of securing work and supporting oneself.
Suggested Rewrites
- incapacity to maintain economic stability inability to achieve financial stability
- instilling the necessary skills teaching them the necessary skills
- avoid them prevent reoffending
- the a
- opportunities to retrain and master new skills opportunities to retrain or acquire new skills
- the convicts as respectable people anymore former convicts as respectable people
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response answers both parts directly and presents a logical chain from unemployment and social rejection to practical rehabilitation measures. Its main limitation is that the supporting ideas remain fairly general and several awkward collocations reduce precision, even though meaning stays clear. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each cause and solution with a more specific mechanism or example while choosing more natural word combinations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both causes and measures are addressed clearly, with relevant ideas that are developed sufficiently but remain somewhat general.
Extend each main idea with a specific example or a clearer explanation of how the cause or measure operates.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through causes, solutions, and a concise conclusion, with clear paragraphing and generally effective linking.
Use a slightly wider range of less explicit transitions so relationships between ideas feel more natural.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often appropriately formal, although several spelling and collocation errors reduce precision.
Replace awkward combinations such as language about committing crimes, obtaining necessities, and retraining skills with more natural collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is used with strong overall control and only occasional non-impeding errors.
Refine punctuation and clause boundaries in longer sentences to make otherwise accurate structures consistently polished.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.