Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Today’s world has been divided into developing and industrialised countries where the main difference between them is the amount of money that governments apply in important sectors such as education, health and commerce. Most of the poorer nations are buried in debts as a result of their unbalanced finances which are reflected in a poor health care, an unstructured education system and a weak international trade. This vicious cycle will continue indefinitely unless wealthier nations show interest in minimising the worldwide economic differences, as well as taking more responsibility for assisting unfortunate countries.
Most of the African countries live in inhuman conditions because of the extreme poverty, upheaval, hunger, disease, unemployment, lack of education and both inexperienced and corrupt administrations. The devastating consequences of the AIDS epidemic in those countries could improve if the infected populations receive free drugs to control the disease, have access to health professionals and get information on how to prevent its spread. But this can only be achieved through international help programs in which leaders of the world?s richest countries donate medicine and also send doctors and nurses to treat and educate those in need. Moreover, most of the poor countries rely on selling agricultural products and raw material to rich nations and buying industrialised products from them which result in a huge financial deficit. Consequently, they borrow a significant amount of money from the World Bank to try to improve their broken economies, but sometimes the money disappears with no significant changes and they cannot even pay the interest to the bank. Regarding this issue, last year the G8, which is comprised of leaders of the eight richest nations, decided to forgive billions of dollars worth of debt owed by the world?s poorest nations. In addition, they developed adequate loan programs to financially assist those countries. In conclusion, leaders of the industrialised countries play an indispensable role in assisting developing nations to deal with essential areas such as health, education and trade. Also, their aid is the key to breaking the vicious cycle, which results in poverty and death.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the present state Original: Today’s world has been divided Suggested revision: Today’s world is divided Why it matters: The simple present describes the current division more directly than the passive present perfect.
- 2. Repair the relative clause Original: countries where the main difference between them is Suggested revision: countries, with the main difference being Why it matters: The revision removes the redundant them and connects the comparison grammatically.
- 3. Use the investment collocation Original: apply in important sectors Suggested revision: invest in key sectors Why it matters: Governments invest money in sectors rather than apply money in them.
- 4. Use a natural debt phrase Original: buried in debts Suggested revision: burdened by debt Why it matters: Burdened by debt is the standard expression for severe national indebtedness.
- 5. Use precise economic wording Original: unbalanced finances Suggested revision: financial imbalances Why it matters: Financial imbalances states the economic problem more naturally.
- 6. Remove the article Original: a poor health care Suggested revision: poor healthcare Why it matters: Healthcare is uncountable when referring to a national system in general.
- 7. Use precise system wording Original: unstructured Suggested revision: underdeveloped Why it matters: Underdeveloped more clearly describes a system lacking sufficient resources and capacity.
- 8. Remove the article Original: a weak international trade Suggested revision: weak international trade Why it matters: Trade is uncountable when referring to a country's general commercial activity.
- 9. Use precise inequality wording Original: worldwide economic differences Suggested revision: global economic disparities Why it matters: Economic disparities precisely describes unequal economic conditions between nations.
- 10. Use respectful country wording Original: unfortunate Suggested revision: disadvantaged Why it matters: Disadvantaged describes economic circumstances more precisely than unfortunate.
- 11. Remove the article Original: because of the extreme poverty Suggested revision: because of extreme poverty Why it matters: Poverty is uncountable in this general list and does not take the here.
- 12. Describe harmful effects accurately Original: consequences of the AIDS epidemic in those countries could improve Suggested revision: consequences of the AIDS epidemic in those countries could be reduced Why it matters: Negative consequences can be reduced or mitigated, but they cannot improve.
Suggested Rewrites
- Today’s world has been divided Today’s world is divided
- countries where the main difference between them is countries, with the main difference being
- apply in important sectors invest in key sectors
- buried in debts burdened by debt
- unbalanced finances financial imbalances
- a poor health care poor healthcare
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay maintains a clear position and supports richer-country responsibility with substantial discussion of healthcare, trade, and debt relief. Its strongest feature is the specific, relevant development of those examples; the main limitation is that education receives almost no direct treatment and the long body paragraph merges several distinct ideas. Prioritise adding a developed education argument and separating health, education, and trade into clearly focused paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and health and trade are developed with relevant examples, but education is mentioned rather than substantively addressed.
Add a focused explanation of how richer governments could support teacher training, schools, or access to education in poorer nations.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses coherently from causes to health assistance and financial support, but one very long body paragraph weakens the grouping of ideas.
Use separate body paragraphs for healthcare, education, and trade or debt assistance, each with a clear topic sentence.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a broad range of development and economics vocabulary, though several collocations and noun forms are imprecise.
Use natural phrases such as invest in key sectors, healthcare systems, raw materials, and international aid programmes.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are generally well controlled, with occasional article, agreement, punctuation, and relative-clause errors that rarely impede meaning.
Check agreement and clause boundaries, especially in long sentences such as the explanation of agricultural exports and financial deficits.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.