Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Today’s world is dividedToday’s world has been divided into developing and industrialised countries, with the main difference beingcountries where the main difference between them is the amount of money that governments invest in key sectorsapply in important sectors such as education, health and commerce. Most of the poorer nations are burdened by debtburied in debts as a result of their financial imbalancesunbalanced finances which are reflected in poor healthcarea poor health care, an underdevelopedunstructured education system and weak international tradea weak international trade. This vicious cycle will continue indefinitely unless wealthier nations show interest in minimising the global economic disparitiesworldwide economic differences, as well as taking more responsibility for assisting disadvantagedunfortunate countries.
Most of the African countries live in inhuman conditions because of extreme povertybecause of the extreme poverty, upheaval, hunger, disease, unemployment, lack of education and both inexperienced and corrupt administrations. The devastating consequences of the AIDS epidemic in those countries could be reducedconsequences of the AIDS epidemic in those countries could improve if infected peoplethe infected populations receive free drugs to control the disease, have access to health professionals and get information on how to prevent its spread. But this can only be achieved through international aid programmesinternational help programs in which leaders of the world?s richest countries donate medicine and also send doctors and nurses to treat and educate those in need. Moreover, many poorer countriesmost of the poor countries rely on selling agricultural products and raw materialsmaterial to rich nations and buying industrialised products from them which resultsresult in a huge financial deficit. Consequently, they borrow a significant amount of money from the World Bank to try to improve their strugglingbroken economies, but sometimes the money disappears with no significant changes and they cannot even pay the interest to the bank. Regarding this issue, last year the G8, which compriseswhich is comprised of leaders of the eight richest nations, decided to forgive billions of dollars' worth of debtbillions of dollars worth of debt owed by the world?s poorest nations. In addition, they developed adequate loan programs to financially assist those countries. In conclusion, leaders of the industrialised countries play an indispensable role in assisting developing nations to deal with essential areas such as health, education and trade. Also, their aid is the key to breaking the vicious cycle, which results in poverty and death.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay maintains a clear position and supports richer-country responsibility with substantial discussion of healthcare, trade, and debt relief. Its strongest feature is the specific, relevant development of those examples; the main limitation is that education receives almost no direct treatment and the long body paragraph merges several distinct ideas. Prioritise adding a developed education argument and separating health, education, and trade into clearly focused paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and health and trade are developed with relevant examples, but education is mentioned rather than substantively addressed.
Add a focused explanation of how richer governments could support teacher training, schools, or access to education in poorer nations.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses coherently from causes to health assistance and financial support, but one very long body paragraph weakens the grouping of ideas.
Use separate body paragraphs for healthcare, education, and trade or debt assistance, each with a clear topic sentence.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a broad range of development and economics vocabulary, though several collocations and noun forms are imprecise.
Use natural phrases such as invest in key sectors, healthcare systems, raw materials, and international aid programmes.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are generally well controlled, with occasional article, agreement, punctuation, and relative-clause errors that rarely impede meaning.
Check agreement and clause boundaries, especially in long sentences such as the explanation of agricultural exports and financial deficits.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.