Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Education and health are fundamental factors for any nation. Research shows that the gap that exists between the level of education in rich and poor countries has a tendency to increase with the time. I completely agree that the governments of richer nations should step forward to help the poor nations to overcome the obstacles they face in areas like healthcare, education and trade. Education, health and trade are interconnected with each other and that is why an increase in educational level will very likely to affect both health and trade. Many industrialised rich countries have enough resources at their disposal in order to help poorer countries. Nowadays there are plenty organisations funded by prosperous countries, which focus on helping third world countries by sending workers and volunteers to the poor nations in order to help the development. Many even grant medical equipment and other necessary goods. Another way how rich countries help is by giving loans for development. However many governments refuse to give a financial aid due to the high risk involved. But there is always a flip side of the coin and the government of such rich countries who help the poor nations should make sure that the fund they provide is utilised properly. Alternatively, they should take schemes like establishing schools, commercial places and hospitals in their authority rather than providing the fund to these poor nations. In conclusion, governments should unite and take more responsibility for providing help to poor countries. Otherwise, the gap between poor and rich countries will continue to grow exponentially.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use fixed time phrase Original: with the time Suggested revision: over time Why it matters: The established phrase for gradual change is “over time.”
- 2. Use direct academic wording Original: step forward to help the poor nations to overcome Suggested revision: take action to help poorer nations overcome Why it matters: The replacement uses natural collocations and removes the unnecessary infinitive marker.
- 3. Remove redundancy Original: interconnected with each other Suggested revision: interconnected Why it matters: “Interconnected” already expresses a mutual relationship.
- 4. Correct verb pattern Original: will Suggested revision: is Why it matters: “Likely” requires a form of “be” before the infinitive.
- 5. Add required preposition Original: plenty organisations Suggested revision: plenty of organisations Why it matters: “Plenty” must be followed by “of” before a noun.
- 6. Use restrictive clause Original: prosperous countries, which Suggested revision: prosperous countries that Why it matters: The clause identifies which organisations are meant, so a restrictive relative clause is clearer.
- 7. Use current term Original: third world countries Suggested revision: developing countries Why it matters: “Developing countries” is a more neutral and current term.
- 8. Clarify development target Original: to the poor nations in order to help the development Suggested revision: to poorer nations to support their development Why it matters: The possessive reference makes clear whose development is being supported.
- 9. Use correct collocation Original: grant Suggested revision: provide Why it matters: Equipment is provided or donated, rather than granted.
- 10. Correct relative structure Original: Another way how Suggested revision: Another way in which Why it matters: The noun “way” takes “in which” in this formal structure.
- 11. Use formal collocation Original: giving Suggested revision: providing Why it matters: Loans are conventionally described as being provided.
- 12. Add linker comma Original: However many governments Suggested revision: However, many governments Why it matters: A sentence-opening conjunctive adverb requires a comma.
Suggested Rewrites
- with the time over time
- step forward to help the poor nations to overcome take action to help poorer nations overcome
- interconnected with each other interconnected
- will is
- plenty organisations plenty of organisations
- prosperous countries, which prosperous countries that
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear view that richer governments should help poorer nations and identifies several practical mechanisms, including volunteers, equipment, loans, and directly managed projects. Its main limitation is that the health, education, and trade dimensions are not developed evenly, while the single-block structure and recurring language errors weaken clarity. Prioritise separate, specific examples for each development area and organise them into focused paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is supported by several relevant forms of assistance, though trade receives little specific development and examples remain general.
Explain one concrete intervention in health, education, and trade, showing how richer governments' responsibility would improve each area.
Coherence and Cohesion
The reasoning moves broadly from need to methods and oversight, but the single paragraph and some abrupt links weaken organisation.
Separate the case for responsibility, practical assistance, and accountability into focused paragraphs with clear topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonable range of development vocabulary, with several inaccurate or awkward collocations.
Replace phrases such as 'plenty organisations', 'grant medical equipment', 'give a financial aid', and 'take schemes'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains clear through varied structures, although errors in articles, verb patterns, relative clauses, and punctuation recur.
Practise article use with countable nouns and accurate patterns after modal and causative verbs.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.