Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
In balancing the world economic growth, the underdevelopment of the third world nations has been drawn to the attention of the developed countries of the Western. Thus, governmental policies and interference in the agricultural business of the poorer nations were made to secure their dominant source of the economy. Many discussions among economists and politicians also put their focus on the other aspects. That is, to improve the health, education and trade for the developing countries. However, the improvements cannot be made by these countries, but more external assistance and aids should be done. Because of the shortage of food supply, the people in poorer nations (i.e. Africa) are easily prone to disease, hunger and death. When natural or environmental disasters happen, they are threatening with their lives. Education cannot be well developed as a result of frequent droughts, famines and disease spreading. The other countries, while emphasising on the development of agriculture in the Third World, cannot really give the solution to the cyclical problem which has been existing for a long time. It is time to consider the consequences of all the waste of efforts in trying to help the economic growth of the Third World and to think from the other perspectives. The richer countries have the power to rebuild the Third World by taking care the essentials - health, education and trade. More aids for providing the medicine, educational needs and materials can be done by the richer countries. The assistance of trade and developing business in the poorer countries also can be of a great help to the poorer nations. If the richer countries can be more serious about the essential issues of how a nation develops, and well consider the special situations and circumstances those poorer nations are facing, the improvements will be more efficiently made. The governments of developed countries are, in some ways, responsible - though not obliged - for the future of those developing countries.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix opening phrase Original: In balancing the world economic growth Suggested revision: In efforts to balance global economic growth Why it matters: The original prepositional phrase does not clearly express purpose.
- 2. Use active structure Original: has been drawn to the attention of Suggested revision: has drawn the attention of Why it matters: Underdevelopment is the issue attracting attention, so the active construction is required.
- 3. Correct noun phrase Original: developed countries of the Western Suggested revision: developed Western countries Why it matters: “Western” is an adjective here and must modify “countries” directly.
- 4. Use concise wording Original: put their focus on Suggested revision: focus on Why it matters: The direct verb expresses the same meaning more naturally.
- 5. Correct the category Original: the people in poorer nations (i.e. Africa) Suggested revision: people in poorer regions such as Africa Why it matters: Africa is a continent rather than a nation, so the example needs an accurate category.
- 6. Use precise wording Original: are easily prone to Suggested revision: are especially vulnerable to Why it matters: “Vulnerable to” describes heightened exposure to these harms more precisely.
- 7. Fix passive structure Original: they are threatening with their lives Suggested revision: their lives are threatened Why it matters: The passive construction is needed because the disasters create the threat.
- 8. Use noun form Original: disease spreading Suggested revision: the spread of disease Why it matters: A noun phrase is required to complete this list of causes.
- 9. Remove the preposition Original: emphasising on Suggested revision: emphasising Why it matters: “Emphasise” takes a direct object and does not require “on.”
- 10. Use natural collocation Original: give the solution Suggested revision: provide a solution Why it matters: “Provide a solution” is the standard academic collocation.
- 11. Fix the verb form Original: which has been existing Suggested revision: which has existed Why it matters: The stative verb “exist” is not normally used in the continuous form.
- 12. Correct the expression Original: all the waste of efforts Suggested revision: the wasted effort Why it matters: The revised phrase uses the natural uncountable form of “effort” for this general idea.
Suggested Rewrites
- In balancing the world economic growth In efforts to balance global economic growth
- has been drawn to the attention of has drawn the attention of
- developed countries of the Western developed Western countries
- put their focus on focus on
- the people in poorer nations (i.e. Africa) people in poorer regions such as Africa
- are easily prone to are especially vulnerable to
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response maintains a generally relevant case that wealthier governments can support poorer nations through health, education, and trade assistance, and it shows a useful range of topic vocabulary. The argument is weakened by limited development, an ambiguous final qualification, and presentation as one dense paragraph. The highest priority is to establish a precise degree of agreement and develop two clearly separated reasons with concrete explanation or examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the question and supports greater assistance, but the degree of agreement is not consistently precise and several claims remain general.
Define the exact extent of agreement early and develop each reason with a specific explanation of how richer governments' action would improve outcomes.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is an identifiable movement from existing problems to possible assistance, but the single long paragraph and some abrupt transitions weaken organisation.
Divide the argument into an introduction, focused body paragraphs, and a conclusion, using each paragraph to develop one main reason.
Lexical Resource
A sufficient range of vocabulary covers development, disasters, aid, and trade, although recurring collocation and word-form errors reduce naturalness.
Improve collocational accuracy with forms such as provide aid, address essential needs, and support trade development.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence structures, but frequent errors with articles, prepositions, passive forms, agreement, and sentence boundaries reduce control.
Build shorter complex sentences around one main clause and systematically check articles, prepositions, and verb forms during proofreading.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.