In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
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Sample Response
We cannot deny the fact that rural people moving to cities became a prevalent trendtrends globally, which leads to some arguments. However, as far as the amount of labour force, the spread of experiences and rural depopulationfall of rural area are concerned, I strongly believe that such a trend is overall positive.
Rural people can help meet the demand for labordemand of workforce in cities. As for educated graduates from towns and villages who receive education including secondary or college, they may get accustomed to respectful and diverse culturalculture environment in cities with plenty of opportunities if they could root there. To elaborate, these fresh graduates who seekseek for well-paid job position will easily be attractedwill easily attracted by salary and other conditions such as insurance and paid leavepaid-off holidays, leading rural talents to prefer movingleading to rural talents prefer moving to urban areas due to the demand of improving living standards. Consequently, these people are employedemployeed in distinct sectors such as service industries alleviating the structuralstructured shortage of labour in cities.
Rural people with specific skills can help experience cultivation and deepen understanding of academy. Regarding skilled workers and farmers,they may convey their skills and experiences in agricultureargriculture and industries to urban factories and researchers who specialize in crop cultivationspecialized in crops cultivation. To be more specific, their invaluable experience could be collected as the first-hand information, which has potential impact on the study of current weather and crops, leading to a breakthroughbreakout of academic study. Meanwhile, skilled workers could help improve efficiency in factories, for instance, they could point out the unnecessary process and advise to delete that. It may help workers get rid of complex process and motivate them to work hard.
Admittedly, there areis some negative results caused by this phenomenon, such as the workforce shortage in rural areas and congestion in cities, however, these could be solvedsolve properly. Governments oughtowe to regulate the use of private vehicles and buildbulid comprehensive public transportation system. Also, governmentsgoverments could encourage companies or individuals to integrateintegrat fields and upgrade with mechanical tools to maximize the efficiency.
In conclusion,the shift of rural people towards cities could beneficial urbanurdan areas in workforce, academy and production process. Although there areis some issues, they could be solved accordingly.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay presents a clear position that rural-to-urban migration is a positive trend, supporting this opinion with relevant arguments and addressing potential drawbacks. However, recurring grammatical slips, awkward word choices, and occasional gaps in logical cohesion detract from the overall clarity. To achieve a higher band score, focus on improving grammatical accuracy and refining vocabulary precision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
You present a clear thesis and develop relevant points to justify why the trend is mostly positive, while brief counterarguments are acknowledged.
Ensure that the points raised directly support your central position without relying on slightly far-fetched examples like rural farmers directly advancing academic weather research.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is organized into clear paragraphs, but transitions between ideas within the body paragraphs are occasionally awkward or abrupt.
Use cohesive devices more naturally to connect supporting details smoothly to the main topic sentence of each paragraph.
Lexical Resource
You attempt to use a good range of topic-specific vocabulary, but there are several noticeable spelling errors and unnatural word choices.
Review and correct basic spelling errors and focus on natural word collocations rather than using overly complex phrasing incorrectly.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of sentence structures is attempted, but frequent small errors in verb forms, agreement, and tense consistency occur throughout.
Proofread carefully to eliminate basic grammatical slips such as subject-verb disagreement and passive voice errors.