The government and individuals are spending too much money on national celebrations like the new year or festivals. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
People have different views about whether public expenditure on national occasions such as new year or festivals is too much nowadays. While I agree that governments and individuals are spending a significant amount of money on those celebrations, I would argue that this activity is necessary and therefore can be considered acceptable.
It is true that a large amount of money is currently spent on some important celebrations of a country. Firstly, governments are spending a proportion of their budget on holding events to celebrate these occasions. For example, much money is being paid for fireworks on New Year’s eve in many countries around the world. Secondly, individuals also spend money to have celebrations and parties with their families, which is a common habit in many areas. For instance, my parents and I often have a special dinner on the final day of every year.
However, I believe there are great benefits of public spending on national celebrations, and therefore it is completely justifiable. The first advantage is that this is a great way to preserve the culture of a nation. To illustrate, Lunar New Year is an important part of the Vietnamese culture, and holding celebrations for this occasion is necessary to remind younger generations of this tradition. Additionally, since these occasions are usually the only times for family members to have time and enjoy together, it is understandable that people would want to spend money on something that makes them happy. Finally, as there are only a few national celebrations in a year, the amount of money spent on those days is unlikely to be too much.
In conclusion, I disagree with the idea that people and governments are spending too much money on national occasions.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Capitalize proper name Original: such as new year or festivals Suggested revision: such as New Year or festivals Why it matters: Capitalize the recognized name of this annual celebration.
- 2. Use precise reference Original: those Suggested revision: such Why it matters: This phrase refers more naturally to celebrations of the kind just mentioned.
- 3. Use concise phrasing Original: celebrations of a country Suggested revision: national celebrations Why it matters: The shorter phrase expresses the same idea more directly.
- 4. Strengthen budget collocation Original: spending a proportion of their budget on holding events Suggested revision: allocating a proportion of their budget to events Why it matters: Allocate a budget to something is a more natural formal collocation.
- 5. Improve money collocation Original: much money is being paid for fireworks Suggested revision: a great deal of money is spent on fireworks Why it matters: Money is normally spent on an item rather than paid for it in this general context.
- 6. Capitalize event name Original: eve Suggested revision: Eve Why it matters: Both words in the recognized event name require capitals.
- 7. Fix preposition pattern Original: spend money to have celebrations Suggested revision: spend money on celebrations Why it matters: Use spend money on followed by a noun.
- 8. Choose natural collocation Original: common habit in many areas Suggested revision: common practice in many places Why it matters: Practice and places fit this social custom more naturally.
- 9. Use formal wording Original: great Suggested revision: significant Why it matters: Significant is more precise than the broad adjective great in formal writing.
- 10. Remove unnecessary article Original: the Vietnamese culture Suggested revision: Vietnamese culture Why it matters: The general concept of Vietnamese culture does not require the definite article here.
- 11. Use idiomatic phrase Original: the final day of every year Suggested revision: the last day of the year Why it matters: This is the conventional way to refer to that day.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: Additionally, since these occasions are usually the only times for family members to have time and enjoy together, it is understandable that people would want to spend money on something that makes them happy. Suggested revision: Additionally, since these occasions are usually the only times when family members can spend time together, it is understandable that people would want to spend money on activities that make them happy. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the ungrammatical time structure and the awkward phrase enjoy together.
Suggested Rewrites
- such as new year or festivals such as New Year or festivals
- those such
- celebrations of a country national celebrations
- spending a proportion of their budget on holding events allocating a proportion of their budget to events
- much money is being paid for fireworks a great deal of money is spent on fireworks
- eve Eve
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear and consistent position and supports it with relevant cultural and family-based reasoning, while maintaining strong progression throughout. Its main limitation is that the discussion of how much is spent remains somewhat general, so the argument would be more convincing if it compared the scale of expenditure with its benefits and refined a few awkward expressions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the question with a clear position and develops relevant reasons for considering the expenditure acceptable.
Deepen the evaluation by comparing the scale of the spending with the cultural and personal benefits rather than mainly asserting that it is justified.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion, with effective linking throughout.
Make the first body paragraph more argumentative so that it contributes more directly to the reasoning developed in the second paragraph.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, with effective language for public expenditure, cultural preservation, and family occasions.
Refine a few unnatural combinations such as family members having time and enjoying together to improve idiomatic precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is used accurately, and the few grammatical slips do not impede communication.
Polish article use and phrasing in expressions such as an important part of Vietnamese culture to achieve more consistent control.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The government and individuals are spending too much money on national celebrations like the new year or festivals. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.