Some people believe that sport has an important role in society. Others, however, feel that it is nothing more than a leisure activity for some people. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Sports have always been a part of human culture, yet opinions differ regarding their significance. Some argue that sports are merely recreational activities that provide amusement for individuals, while others believe they serve a broader purpose in society by promoting health, unity, and discipline. This essay will examine both perspectives before asserting that sports play a vital role in society beyond mere leisure.
Many believe that sports are simply a source of entertainment rather than an essential societal component. They argue that most people engage in sports for personal enjoyment, stress relief, or fitness, without any wider impact. Moreover, professional sports, despite their global appeal, are primarily driven by commercial interests, focusing on entertainment rather than social development. For instance, major sporting events like the Premier League or NBA generate billions in revenue but do not necessarily contribute to solving societal issues such as poverty or inequality.
On the contrary, sports have undeniable societal benefits. Firstly, they encourage a healthy lifestyle, reducing the risk of obesity, heart disease, and mental health issues. Governments worldwide invest in sports programmes to promote public health and reduce healthcare costs. Secondly, sports unite people across cultures and backgrounds, fostering a sense of community and national pride. Events like the Olympics bring nations together, transcending political and cultural differences. For example, Nelson Mandela used the 1995 Rugby World Cup to unite South Africa, demonstrating the unifying power of sports.
In conclusion, while it is somewhat true that some engage in sports purely for recreation, the broader impact of sports on public health, social unity, and economic benefits cannot be ignored. Therefore, sports should be regarded as an integral part of society rather than merely a leisure activity.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: provide amusement for individuals Suggested revision: entertain people Why it matters: The revision is more direct and idiomatic.
- 2. Use direct signposting Original: before asserting that Suggested revision: and argue that Why it matters: The revision states the essay's purpose more directly and links it smoothly to the preceding clause.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: an essential societal component Suggested revision: an essential part of society Why it matters: The replacement is a more idiomatic expression of the same idea.
- 4. Specify the impact Original: without any wider impact Suggested revision: without any wider social impact Why it matters: Adding 'social' clarifies the type of wider effect under discussion.
- 5. Use accurate category Original: major sporting events like the Premier League or NBA Suggested revision: professional leagues such as the Premier League and the NBA Why it matters: The named examples are leagues rather than individual sporting events.
- 6. Use concise verb phrase Original: contribute to solving societal issues Suggested revision: help solve societal issues Why it matters: The shorter verb phrase preserves the meaning and improves fluency.
- 7. Use contrast transition Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: By contrast Why it matters: 'By contrast' more naturally introduces the alternative view developed in this paragraph.
- 8. Clarify the subject Original: some engage in sports purely for recreation Suggested revision: some people participate in sport purely for recreation Why it matters: The replacement states the subject explicitly and uses a natural formal collocation.
- 9. Fix faulty parallelism Original: broader impact of sports on public health, social unity, and economic benefits Suggested revision: broader contributions of sport to public health, social unity, and the economy Why it matters: The revision makes all three items parallel objects of the same preposition.
- 10. Use direct wording Original: cannot be ignored Suggested revision: remain significant Why it matters: The active phrasing is clearer and avoids a formulaic passive construction.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Moreover, professional sports, despite their global appeal, are primarily driven by commercial interests, focusing on entertainment rather than social development. Suggested revision: Moreover, despite their global appeal, professional sports are driven primarily by commercial interests and focus on entertainment rather than social development. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the potentially ambiguous participial phrase and clarifies the coordination.
- 12. Clarify point connection Suggested revision: Add a brief transition before the professional-sport point to show how commercial entertainment supports the paragraph's leisure-only perspective. Why it matters: This would make the shift from individual participation to professional sport easier to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- provide amusement for individuals entertain people
- before asserting that and argue that
- an essential societal component an essential part of society
- without any wider impact without any wider social impact
- major sporting events like the Premier League or NBA professional leagues such as the Premier League and the NBA
- contribute to solving societal issues help solve societal issues
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response handles both views clearly, maintains a decisive opinion, and develops the social value of sport with relevant examples and highly controlled language. Its main weakness is minor inconsistency: discipline is announced but not developed, while economic benefits appear only in the conclusion. The highest-priority improvement is to keep every supporting point aligned across the introduction, body, and conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both perspectives and the writer's opinion are directly addressed with relevant, well-extended support.
Ensure that claims introduced or concluded, such as discipline and economic benefits, are explicitly developed in the body.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a clear progression, with well-focused paragraphs and cohesive links that are easy to follow.
Improve whole-essay alignment by carrying the same supporting points consistently from the thesis through to the conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and natural, enabling nuanced discussion of recreation, public health, commerce, and social unity.
Refine occasional broad expressions such as societal issues by naming the exact relationship being argued.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of sentence forms is used accurately and flexibly, with virtually no noticeable grammatical errors.
Continue using complex structures selectively while favouring the most concise form when several clauses express related ideas.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that sport has an important role in society. Others, however, feel that it is nothing more than a leisure activity for some people. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.