Some people believe that sport has an important role in society. Others, however, feel that it is nothing more than a leisure activity for some people. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
[Opinon: Sports are merely a leisure activity for some]
In many cultures, sports are regarded as an essential part of life, with some people believing that they play an influential role in society. On the other hand, others view sports simply as a form of entertainment or leisure activity. In this essay, I will discuss both views and opine that sports serve little more than a recreational persuit, without significant societal impact.
Proponents of the view that sports are important for society argue that they promote social cohesion and national pride. For example, major international events such as the Olympic Games or the FIFA World Cup often bring people together, regardless of their background, fostering unity and shared identity. Furthermore, sports can encourage positive values such as teamwork, discipline, and resilience, which can have a lasting effect on society as a whole. Schools and communities that emphasize sports often create environments where individuals develop these valuable life skills.
However, others feel sports are simply a form of entertainment. Many individuals engage in sports for personal enjoyment without any intention of contributing to societal development. Watching a football match, playing a casual game of tennis, or participating in local tournaments are all activities that people enjoy as leisure pursuits, not as a way to address broader social issues. Additionally, some also argue that the immense focus on professional sports can detract attention from more pressing matters such as education, poverty, or environmental concerns.
Carefully considering both views, I concur with the opinion that sports do not have any significant positive impact on society and they are primarily a form of leisure and entertainment.
In conclusion, while sports may hold some social value for some, for many individuals, they remain little more than a leisure activity, offering entertainment and personal satisfaction rather than contributing to societal progress.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct the spelling Original: Opinon Suggested revision: Opinion Why it matters: The heading contains a spelling error.
- 2. Add the article Original: or leisure activity Suggested revision: or a leisure activity Why it matters: The singular countable noun needs an article in this parallel phrase.
- 3. Use a natural verb Original: opine Suggested revision: argue Why it matters: “Argue” is more natural and precise for presenting an essay position.
- 4. Improve the phrasing Original: serve Suggested revision: are Why it matters: This wording expresses the intended classification more directly.
- 5. Correct the spelling Original: persuit Suggested revision: pursuit Why it matters: The noun “pursuit” is misspelled.
- 6. Clarify the activity Original: emphasize sports Suggested revision: emphasize participation in sports Why it matters: The revision makes clear that schools promote participation rather than sports as an abstract concept.
- 7. Strengthen the contrast Original: not as a way to address Suggested revision: rather than as a way to address Why it matters: “Rather than” links the contrast with leisure pursuits more smoothly.
- 8. Remove redundant linking Original: Additionally, some also argue Suggested revision: Additionally, some argue Why it matters: “Additionally” and “also” duplicate the same additive meaning.
- 9. Use precise collocation Original: immense Suggested revision: excessive Why it matters: “Excessive focus” more precisely conveys the criticism of disproportionate attention.
- 10. Correct the collocation Original: detract Suggested revision: divert Why it matters: “Divert attention from” is the appropriate collocation for redirecting public attention.
- 11. Avoid repetition Original: some social value for some Suggested revision: some social value Why it matters: Removing the repeated “some” makes the concession more concise.
- 12. Clarify the progression Suggested revision: Use a clearer transition before shifting from personal leisure activities to the wider concern about professional sport drawing attention from other matters. Why it matters: The paragraph moves between two related but distinct lines of reasoning without clearly signalling the shift.
Suggested Rewrites
- Opinon Opinion
- or leisure activity or a leisure activity
- opine argue
- serve are
- persuit pursuit
- emphasize sports emphasize participation in sports
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in its clear organization and balanced explanation of why sport can unite communities and why many people treat it as leisure. Its main limitation is that the final preference for the leisure view is asserted more strongly than it is justified and sits uneasily with the substantial social benefits already acknowledged. The priority is to compare the two positions directly and explain why the chosen view ultimately outweighs the other.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views and a clear opinion are presented with relevant support, although the preferred view is not fully reconciled with the acknowledged societal benefits.
Directly weigh the social benefits against the leisure argument and explain why the latter remains more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a conclusion, with generally effective cohesion.
Make the transition from discussing both views to evaluating them more explicit so the final judgement follows more naturally.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficiently varied vocabulary for social impact and recreation, despite a few awkward or inaccurate choices such as “recreational persuit.”
Improve precision by proofreading spelling and replacing formulaic wording with more natural evaluative language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is used with generally sound control, and the few errors do not impede communication.
Refine article use, punctuation, and clause control in longer sentences to make the language consistently polished.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that sport has an important role in society. Others, however, feel that it is nothing more than a leisure activity for some people. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.