Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discus both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Star athletes like LeBron James, Tiger Woods, and Manny Pacquiao receive multi-million dollar contracts which are exponentially more than what other important professionals are paid. This has led to controversy over whether this is justified and fair. Although I can understand why some people feel this is unfair, I feel professional athletes are justified in receiving this pay.
No one can deny that there are many people who provide much more meaningful services that directly help or impact individuals and communities. People such as teachers, caregivers and healthcare workers affect so many people by making their lives better and comfortable. Despite their hard work and valuable service, they unfortunately aren’t paid the same exorbitant wages as sport professionals, which seems unfair.
On the other hand, salary unfortunately does not always reflect the importance, need or value of a job. In fact, salary more often reflects how much money the employer or the business can pay. Professional athletes are part of the billion-dollar sports and entertainment industry that plays a large part in the economy. A lot of consumers choose to pay money for pro sports and related products, so the team owners have the money to pay these players huge sums. Therefore, it’s justified that these players get their share of the profits. To put this in perspective, elderly adults who need caregivers do not have a lot of money to pay their caregivers, and so caregivers earn little.
In short, the large sums of money that sports professionals receive is justified because they are earning that money from their employers by doing their jobs of entertaining and raising profits for their employers.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise reference Original: this Suggested revision: such Why it matters: 'Such pay' refers more clearly to the exceptionally high compensation already described.
- 2. Choose precise verbs Original: impact Suggested revision: affect Why it matters: 'Affect' is more precise and natural than the broad verb 'impact' here.
- 3. Make comparison parallel Original: better and comfortable Suggested revision: better and more comfortable Why it matters: Both coordinated adjectives need a comparative form.
- 4. Position sentence adverb Original: salary unfortunately Suggested revision: unfortunately, salary Why it matters: Moving the viewpoint adverb to the front makes its scope over the claim clearer.
- 5. Remove redundant wording Original: employer or the business Suggested revision: employer Why it matters: The two terms overlap here, so one precise noun is sufficient.
- 6. Use formal register Original: A lot of consumers Suggested revision: Many consumers Why it matters: 'Many' is more concise and appropriately formal for an academic essay.
- 7. Avoid informal abbreviation Original: pro Suggested revision: professional Why it matters: The full expression is more suitable for formal writing.
- 8. Avoid contraction Original: it’s justified Suggested revision: it is justified Why it matters: The uncontracted form maintains a consistently formal academic register.
- 9. Fix subject agreement Original: is Suggested revision: are Why it matters: The plural subject 'sums' requires the plural verb 'are'.
- 10. Improve phrasing Original: jobs of entertaining and raising profits Suggested revision: roles in entertaining people and generating profits Why it matters: This wording uses more natural collocations while preserving the stated functions.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Star athletes like LeBron James, Tiger Woods, and Manny Pacquiao receive multi-million dollar contracts which are exponentially more than what other important professionals are paid. Suggested revision: Star athletes like LeBron James, Tiger Woods, and Manny Pacquiao receive multimillion-dollar contracts that pay exponentially more than other important professionals earn. Why it matters: The rewrite corrects the faulty comparison between contracts and people's earnings.
Suggested Rewrites
- this such
- impact affect
- better and comfortable better and more comfortable
- salary unfortunately unfortunately, salary
- employer or the business employer
- A lot of consumers Many consumers
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay gives a clear opinion, discusses both perspectives, and develops the justification for athletes' pay particularly well through a convincing market-based explanation and caregiver comparison. The unfairness argument is relevant but comparatively brief and relies on one general claim. The highest priority is to deepen that side with a more fully explained reason before weighing it explicitly against the economic justification.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed and the writer's position is clear throughout, with the justification argument more fully developed than the unfairness argument.
Extend the unfairness case with an additional explained consequence and then explicitly show why the opposing case remains more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically sequenced, with clear paragraph purposes and cohesive links that guide the reader through the contrast and conclusion.
Create a slightly more even argumentative progression by developing the first body paragraph to match the depth of the second.
Lexical Resource
The essay uses a flexible range of topic-specific vocabulary with generally precise control, despite minor repetition and a few awkward choices.
Reduce repetition of money, pay, and employers by using precise alternatives while avoiding overstated wording such as exponentially where it is unnecessary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence forms is handled accurately, with only occasional non-impeding agreement and phrasing errors.
Check subject-verb agreement and parallel structure carefully, particularly in phrases such as large sums are and better and more comfortable.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discus both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.