In many parts of the world, there is continuous coverage of sport on television. Some people believe this discourages the young from taking part in any sport themselves. Discuss this view and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Television has become the state of the art entertainment tool and people may subscribe to their preferred channels at a low cost. However, some critics warn that teens would not engage in sports once they start watching sports channel fervently. I personally think that it discourages sports-lovers to play games as the intrinsic issue is whether the youths love sports deeply. Firstly, television may alter the teenagers' interests because of the widespread coverage of sports programmes. For example, many youths in my country prefer watching sporting competitions than taking sports in real life. This leads them spending more time in front of a TV set than taking part in outdoor activities. In contrast, youths who are the fans of sports may not be influenced by television adversely. For example, a person who favours in watching Liverpool soccer team will be inspired by the team which appears on television and may wish to experience how they play soccer during a competition. In other words, the teenagers may start to get involved in sports due to their admirations towards the sports team. Consequently, television may be a useful tool to arouse the interests of teens having sports. It is a basic human nature that they try to mimic something that they enjoy. According to this nature, someone who finds some sort of game interesting on TV would like to play it as well. The broadcast of sports on TV makes these games more popular in many countries and it is natural that people of these areas would spend more time playing these games. People mostly watch interesting and live sports rather than watching all the sports all the time. Sports channel not only broadcast games, they also show programs that make critical analysis and shows the history of the games and these two aspects help the interested youths learn more about the games. While there are plenty of programs that could have negative impacts on the young generation, with the popularity of sports channels, young people watch sports more than those short of negative programs. To conclude, the fundamental issue is whether the young treat themselves as spectators or athletes. In the case of the teens imagine themselves as spectators, television may dishearten them from taking part in sports but reversely, it may encourage the youth to start engaging in sports too.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Overstated phrase Original: state of the art entertainment tool Suggested revision: a common form of entertainment Why it matters: This is more natural and less promotional.
- 2. Article missing Original: watching sports channel Suggested revision: watching sports channels Why it matters: Use a plural noun for channels in general.
- 3. Unclear position Original: it discourages sports-lovers Suggested revision: it depends on the young person Why it matters: Your later argument is conditional, so this phrase should match it.
- 4. General noun Original: the youths love sports Suggested revision: young people love sport Why it matters: "Young people" is more natural than "the youths".
- 5. Collocation Original: taking sports in real life Suggested revision: playing sport in real life Why it matters: Use "play sport" or "take part in sport".
- 6. Verb pattern Original: leads them spending Suggested revision: leads them to spend Why it matters: Use the infinitive after "lead someone".
- 7. Article use Original: youths who are the fans of sports Suggested revision: young people who are sports fans Why it matters: This is more concise and natural.
- 8. Verb pattern Original: favours in watching Suggested revision: enjoys watching Why it matters: "Favour" is not used with "in watching" here.
- 9. Collocation Original: their admirations towards Suggested revision: their admiration for Why it matters: Use "admiration for".
- 10. Natural wording Original: arouse the interests Suggested revision: arouse the interest Why it matters: Use singular "interest" for a general feeling.
- 11. Incorrect phrase Original: teens having sports Suggested revision: teens in sport Why it matters: The original phrase is not grammatical.
- 12. Article error Original: It is a basic human nature Suggested revision: It is basic human nature Why it matters: No article is needed in this expression.
Suggested Rewrites
- state of the art entertainment tool a common form of entertainment
- watching sports channel watching sports channels
- it discourages sports-lovers it depends on the young person
- the youths love sports young people love sport
- taking sports in real life playing sport in real life
- leads them spending leads them to spend
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay discusses both possible discouragement and encouragement and gives an opinion, but the position is sometimes unclear and the response becomes repetitive.
State whether you mostly agree or disagree, then use each paragraph to support that judgement.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is logical sequencing, but the essay is written as one long block and contains several abrupt shifts between ideas.
Separate the essay into an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Lexical Resource
There is some topic vocabulary, but collocations such as "take sports" and "admiration towards" are inaccurate.
Learn common sports collocations such as "play sport", "take part in sport", and "inspire young people".
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence forms is attempted, but errors in articles, clauses, and verb patterns are frequent.
Edit long sentences into shorter clauses and check verb patterns after "prefer", "lead", and "encourage".