In many parts of the word, there is continuous coverage of sport on television. Some people believe this discourages the young from taking part in any sport themselves. Discuss this view and give your opinion.
Sample Response
In these days, sports channels telecast almost all major sports events from across the world. It has become a cash cow of many television networks. At this juncture, many people, including talented ones, glue to the television. Though it brings about an extreme satisfaction to viewers, many youngsters fail to participate sports activities which are organised around. Firstly, sports events aired on the television drain a great deal of time of viewers. To be more precise, discussions and critics along with the sports episodes waste the valuable time of event watchers. By this problem, youngsters go to the ground once in a blue moon. Furthermore, many sports events such as test cricket serious call for many days to reach the final stage. A viewer who watches this kind of sports event on television hardly get time to participate other sports. To cite an example, world cup and cricket final telecasting time has become a holiday for many national and international stadium because of lack of participants. Secondly, television telecasts provide only theoretical knowledge of sports rather than practical knowledge. An unpracticed sportsman needs to pull his socks up to become a man of the match. In addition to that, a sportsman needs to hone his skills by continuous practical exposure. Moreover, they need to go the extra mile to become a national or international sports icon. Instead of paddle once own canoe, simply watch the sports event on the small screen does not facilitate to become a sports star. A recent sports magazine reports that the successful sportsman spent very less time to watch sports on television is the best epitome. By and large, I hold the view that the excess sports event watch on small screen badly affect the youngsters to come practical field. They enjoy events on the television as a piece of cake and they assume that the spot is a cake walk. Anybody really needs to become sports figure, they must put up with is practical sides.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the idiomatic adverb Original: In these days Suggested revision: Nowadays Why it matters: Nowadays is the natural expression for referring to the present period.
- 2. Correct the relationship Original: a cash cow of many television networks Suggested revision: a major source of revenue for many television networks Why it matters: The revised phrase uses the correct preposition and states the financial relationship clearly.
- 3. Use the passive form Original: glue to Suggested revision: are glued to Why it matters: The fixed expression requires the passive form be glued to.
- 4. Remove the article Original: an extreme satisfaction Suggested revision: great satisfaction Why it matters: Satisfaction is uncountable here and does not take an indefinite article.
- 5. Add the preposition Original: participate sports activities Suggested revision: participate in sports activities Why it matters: Participate requires the preposition in before an activity.
- 6. Complete the location idea Original: which are organised around Suggested revision: that are organised locally Why it matters: Around is incomplete here, while locally conveys the intended nearby setting.
- 7. Use natural phrasing Original: drain a great deal of time of viewers Suggested revision: consume a great deal of viewers' time Why it matters: The replacement expresses the loss of viewers' time idiomatically.
- 8. Name broadcast content Original: discussions and critics Suggested revision: discussions and commentary Why it matters: Critics refers to people, whereas commentary names the broadcast material being discussed.
- 9. Use the right noun Original: sports episodes Suggested revision: sports broadcasts Why it matters: Broadcasts is the appropriate term for televised sports coverage.
- 10. Remove unnecessary article Original: the valuable time Suggested revision: valuable time Why it matters: The general uncountable noun phrase does not require the definite article.
- 11. Show cause clearly Original: By this problem Suggested revision: Because of this Why it matters: The replacement correctly introduces a consequence of the preceding problem.
- 12. Correct the sports term Original: test cricket serious Suggested revision: Test cricket series Why it matters: Series is the intended noun, and Test is capitalized in the name of the cricket format.
Suggested Rewrites
- In these days Nowadays
- a cash cow of many television networks a major source of revenue for many television networks
- glue to are glued to
- an extreme satisfaction great satisfaction
- participate sports activities participate in sports activities
- which are organised around that are organised locally
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response maintains a clear opinion and offers two recognisable explanations for how extensive sports coverage may discourage participation, particularly the time it consumes. Its effectiveness is limited by implausible or unclear support, absent paragraphing, and frequent language errors that sometimes obscure the intended point. The priority is to organise the reasons into distinct paragraphs and develop each with a realistic, clearly expressed example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The view is addressed and an opinion is clear, but the two main reasons are unevenly developed and supported by questionable examples.
Explain each causal link more convincingly and use realistic evidence showing how television viewing reduces actual participation.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is an identifiable progression through two reasons and a conclusion, but the single-block presentation and mechanical linking weaken coherence.
Separate the introduction, each main reason, and the conclusion into focused paragraphs with clearer internal progression.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a broad vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate word choices, collocations, and forced idioms make expression unreliable.
Use fewer idioms and choose precise, conventional vocabulary for viewing habits, training, and sports participation.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex forms are attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, verb patterns, and sentence construction sometimes impede meaning.
Build accurate simple and compound sentences first, focusing especially on subject-verb agreement and infinitive or gerund patterns.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
In many parts of the word, there is continuous coverage of sport on television. Some people believe this discourages the young from taking part in any sport themselves. Discuss this view and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.