These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?
Same question Compare all 2 answers See different approaches and band scores for this IELTS task.Sample Response
With the socio-economic development, breadwinner fathers and stay-at-home mothers are on a decline. There are many causes behind this trend and in my opinion, this is could be considered as a positive change rather than negative.
It is undeniable that the global economy is going down. Many men workers have been sacked, and as a consequence, they stay at home, do household chores and take care of children. At the same time, women are more encouraged to work, by the government policies such as maternity leave, high salaries, and shortened the working hours. Another reason why husband role has been changed in recent years is the acceptance of the society for them to become nannies instead of going to work and support the family.
Personally, I think this change in father’s and mother’s traditional role could have many benefits. Firstly, in many cases mothers have a better qualification and job opportunities than their partners, then it seems more sensible them going out to work. Secondly, if fathers stay at home and look after children, it would become an important contribution in their children's upbringing, which could play a vital role in children’s future when they become teenagers and face problems that would be hard for mothers to handle. For example, it is rare to find boys or girls who have a close relationship with their fathers and making troubles or unsuccessful in their lives.
In conclusion, there are different reasons why fathers are becoming more responsible for taking care of children while mothers are busy with the financial support of the family. And I believe this could be useful for the whole family.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove the article Original: With the socio-economic development Suggested revision: With socioeconomic development Why it matters: The general uncountable noun “development” does not take “the” here.
- 2. Correct the expression Original: are on a decline Suggested revision: are in decline Why it matters: The fixed expression is “in decline,” not “on a decline.”
- 3. Set off comment Original: and in my opinion, Suggested revision: and, in my opinion, Why it matters: The parenthetical phrase “in my opinion” should be enclosed by commas.
- 4. Fix modal structure Original: this is could be considered as Suggested revision: this could be considered Why it matters: A modal verb cannot follow “is,” and “considered” does not need “as” here.
- 5. Complete the comparison Original: rather than negative Suggested revision: rather than a negative one Why it matters: The comparison requires a parallel noun phrase after “rather than.”
- 6. Use academic wording Original: is going down Suggested revision: is declining Why it matters: “Is declining” is more precise and appropriately formal for an economic trend.
- 7. Use the correct modifier Original: men workers Suggested revision: male workers Why it matters: “Male” is the standard adjective modifying “workers.”
- 8. Fix article and comma Original: women are more encouraged to work, by the government policies Suggested revision: women are further encouraged to work by government policies Why it matters: The comma is incorrect, the article is unnecessary, and “further” expresses additional encouragement more naturally.
- 9. Restore list parallelism Original: shortened the working hours Suggested revision: shorter working hours Why it matters: This list requires another noun phrase parallel to “maternity leave” and “high salaries.”
- 10. Use plural possessive Original: husband role Suggested revision: husbands' roles Why it matters: The general reference requires plural “husbands” and the possessive form modifying “roles.”
- 11. Match the plural subject Original: has been changed Suggested revision: have changed Why it matters: The plural subject “roles” requires “have,” and the active form is natural here.
- 12. Clarify social acceptance Original: the acceptance of the society for them to become nannies Suggested revision: society's acceptance of men becoming caregivers Why it matters: The revision fixes the unnatural possessive and complement while retaining the intended meaning.
Suggested Rewrites
- With the socio-economic development With socioeconomic development
- are on a decline are in decline
- and in my opinion, and, in my opinion,
- this is could be considered as this could be considered
- rather than negative rather than a negative one
- is going down is declining
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response’s strongest feature is that it answers both questions with a clear positive position and offers several relevant economic and social reasons. Its main limitation is uneven development: some claims are overgeneralised, and the example about children’s behaviour is unclear and does not convincingly support the benefit claimed. The highest-priority improvement is to replace that example with a precise, logically explained benefit of fathers’ involvement while improving sentence accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both parts of the task are addressed with a clear positive position and several relevant reasons and benefits.
Support the positive evaluation with a credible, clearly explained example instead of the unclear generalisation about children’s future behaviour.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a logical four-paragraph structure, and the main reasons and benefits are generally easy to follow.
Strengthen progression within the benefits paragraph by separating the long second point and linking its cause and result more clearly.
Lexical Resource
The response shows adequate range for employment, family roles, and child development, but several collocations and word forms are inaccurate.
Improve natural combinations such as men workers, husband role, better qualification, and making troubles through careful collocation checking.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex forms are attempted with some success, but recurring errors in agreement, clause structure, and parallelism reduce control.
Prioritise accurate clause patterns by correcting forms such as this is could be considered and it seems more sensible them going.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?
Your response
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