These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
In modern times the traditional gender roles are changing rapidly, resulting in more fathers staying at home looking after their offspring and mothers becoming the main breadwinners in the family. There are numerous causes for this and I think it’s a step in the right direction.
In the past few decades, there have been numerous women’s movements, as a result of which conventional gender roles have gone through a paradigm shift. Although this equality was only acquired after long hard battles fought by women’s right groups against the misogynist practices that existed a few decades ago. Furthermore, in past few decades, we also had a fair share of men’s movements whose main aim was to make men get in touch with their feminine side rather than feel ashamed and disgusted with it.
Nonetheless in many parts of the world and in fact in the minds of many people across the globe, such a family system is considered to be an insult to a man’s masculinity but I beg to differ with this school of thought. In my view, it is a blessing to be living in a time in history where both males and females can choose to take on whatever role they decree. And since it has been proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that women can do most jobs just as good, if not better than their male counterparts there’s nothing wrong with mothers taking on roles that are traditionally thought to be men-oriented.
All in all, due to successful women’s and men’s movements deep into the last millennia, genders roles are getting swapped and I am of strong opinion that these changes are a blessing.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add introductory comma Original: In modern times the traditional Suggested revision: In modern times, the traditional Why it matters: A comma should separate the introductory phrase from the main clause.
- 2. Add the article Original: in past few decades Suggested revision: in the past few decades Why it matters: The fixed time expression requires the definite article.
- 3. Keep tense consistent Original: we also had Suggested revision: we have also had Why it matters: The present perfect fits a period extending from recent decades to the present.
- 4. Punctuate the transition Original: Nonetheless in many parts Suggested revision: Nonetheless, in many parts Why it matters: The sentence connector should be followed by a comma.
- 5. Separate independent clauses Original: masculinity but I Suggested revision: masculinity, but I Why it matters: A comma is needed before the coordinating conjunction joining two independent clauses.
- 6. Use the intended verb Original: decree Suggested revision: choose Why it matters: People choose roles; decree means to issue an authoritative order.
- 7. Use an adverb Original: good Suggested revision: well Why it matters: The adverb well is needed to modify the verb do.
- 8. Mark the clause boundary Original: counterparts there’s Suggested revision: counterparts, there’s Why it matters: A comma is needed after the embedded comparison before the main clause continues.
- 9. Clarify the time reference Original: deep into the last millennia Suggested revision: in recent decades Why it matters: The original time phrase is unclear and conflicts with the recent period discussed earlier.
- 10. Correct the noun phrase Original: genders roles are getting swapped Suggested revision: gender roles are changing Why it matters: Gender functions attributively in the singular, and changing expresses the shift naturally.
- 11. Correct the expression Original: I am of strong opinion Suggested revision: I strongly believe Why it matters: The original phrase is missing an article and is not idiomatic in this structure.
- 12. Use a formal phrase Original: a fair share of men’s movements Suggested revision: a number of men’s movements Why it matters: A number of is more precise and suitably formal in this context.
Suggested Rewrites
- In modern times the traditional In modern times, the traditional
- in past few decades in the past few decades
- we also had we have also had
- Nonetheless in many parts Nonetheless, in many parts
- masculinity but I masculinity, but I
- decree choose
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear positive position and uses a mature range of vocabulary to explain changing gender roles. Its main limitation is that the causes are narrowed largely to social movements and remain somewhat general, while several awkward or incomplete constructions weaken precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop distinct economic and social reasons with concrete explanation, then proofread sentence boundaries and collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered with a clear position, but the explanation of causes relies mainly on broadly stated social movements.
Develop two distinct reasons, such as changing earnings and social attitudes, with a specific causal explanation for each.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from causes to evaluation, with clear paragraphing and generally effective linking.
Integrate supporting sentences more smoothly and avoid beginning a standalone fragment with Although.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often sophisticated, though several choices are awkward or imprecise in context.
Prefer natural collocations such as perform jobs just as well and choose whatever role suits them.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is used, but fragments, article errors, and weak sentence control recur.
Check subordinate clauses, articles, agreement, and punctuation so every complex sentence is complete and clearly bounded.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.