Some people think that technology has made our life too complex. However, other people think that it has made our life easier. What is your viewpoint?
Sample Response
Admittedly, modern technology has caused so many changes in our lives. With its impact in our lives for the recent years, some believe that it has given us a complicated life and others refute this because they believe that it has made life easier for us. These points view will be discussed in this order. It is believed by some that new technology has made our lives too complicated because of the modern crimes we have heard these days. For instance, more electronic offences have being committed such as stalking and fraud offences. My elder brother, Fernando Meriales, who is a very busy engineer in Australia, is using an online bank because he thinks dealing his accounts online is way much easier than doing it traditionally to the bank. However, online money transactions have been committed by the fraud offenders using his bank account without his knowledge. In addition to this, social media crimes through the use of social networking sites such as Facebook and Instagram also emerged. An example is the San Roque High school girl student; Jessel Mallari has been fooled by her 30-years-old lover in Facebook and was raped by this criminal and taken her life. Thus, it is clear why some people gravitate towards this point of view. On the other hand, many argue that modern technology has made our lives easier for the high-tech equipment and transportation facilities public people are using nowadays. For example, in the hospital where I am working, the Urdaneta Sacred Heart Hospital is using the Respiratory Ventilator for breathing support of our critically ill patients. Also, we do have a CT (Computed Topography) scan to diagnose easily those who have brain diseases. These two new technologies improve and prolong our patients' lives. Another example is the computer transportation system such as skyway and subway rail stations such in Singapore where through computers they can see who are the transport violators and ensures the public safety. After analysing these facts, it is clear why many people support this claim. In conclusion, for reasons related to e-crimes and social crimes as well as high-tech facilities in medical and transportation field, the issue of whether technology has made our lives too complex or easier is refuted and supported by many. However, after analysing these two points of view, it is clear that the argument that technology has given us a more convenient life can be supported and is expected to be realised.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Unnatural phrase Original: With its impact in our lives Suggested revision: Because of its impact on our lives Why it matters: Use the collocation impact on, not impact in.
- 2. Time phrase Original: for the recent years Suggested revision: in recent years Why it matters: This is the natural time expression here.
- 3. Word form Original: These points view Suggested revision: These points of view Why it matters: The noun phrase needs of before view.
- 4. Verb form Original: have being committed Suggested revision: have been committed Why it matters: Use the past participle after have been.
- 5. Missing preposition Original: dealing his accounts online Suggested revision: managing his accounts online Why it matters: Managing accounts is more natural than dealing accounts.
- 6. Informal wording Original: way much easier Suggested revision: much easier Why it matters: Way much is informal and inaccurate in this context.
- 7. Preposition error Original: doing it traditionally to the bank Suggested revision: doing it in the traditional way at the bank Why it matters: The phrase needs a clearer preposition pattern.
- 8. Article use Original: the fraud offenders Suggested revision: fraudsters Why it matters: The article is unnecessary and fraudsters is more concise.
- 9. Hyphenated adjective Original: 30-years-old lover Suggested revision: 30-year-old lover Why it matters: Use the singular year in compound adjectives.
- 10. Preposition choice Original: in Facebook Suggested revision: on Facebook Why it matters: Use on with social media platforms.
- 11. Unnatural phrase Original: public people Suggested revision: members of the public Why it matters: Public people is not a natural expression.
- 12. More precise wording Original: those who have brain diseases Suggested revision: patients with brain diseases Why it matters: This wording is more concise and accurate.
Suggested Rewrites
- With its impact in our lives Because of its impact on our lives
- for the recent years in recent years
- These points view These points of view
- have being committed have been committed
- dealing his accounts online managing his accounts online
- way much easier much easier
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay addresses both views and gives a final preference for technology making life easier. However, examples are often anecdotal, over-detailed, or only loosely connected to the main argument.
State your own position earlier and develop each side with one clear reason plus a directly relevant example.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a recognizable introduction, two body sections, and conclusion, with some progression. Cohesion is mechanical and several long sentences reduce clarity.
Use shorter topic sentences and link each example back to the viewpoint it supports.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary covers the topic, including crime, banking, medical, and transport terms, but word choice and collocation errors are frequent.
Replace unnatural phrases with simpler accurate collocations such as online banking, public transport systems, and medical technology.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms is attempted, but tense, article, preposition, and agreement errors occur regularly. Meaning is usually clear.
Edit for verb forms, articles, and prepositions before adding more complex clauses.