Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well-educated today. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Sample Response
Television is an inseparable thing for the new generation today. The advancement in the television industry has changed the way man lives today by bringing him every event that is happening around the world and providing all kinds of entertainment to watch from home. For better or worse people are addicted to television programs and spend a great deal of time watching it. The impact of television on children is a matter of worry for many, especially for parents, as children are the most passionate about televisions today. Unlike a generation ago, where children were spending their time reading books or doing outdoor activities that help them in their personal, intellectual and physical development, today's children are more preferred to sit at home and relax watching their favourite television channel will definitely have an advert impact on their development. Television can bring in educational programs for children but it cannot replace the tradition way of studying from books! Books are subject specific and have a great amount of well-focused information for children to study. Apart from teaching specific subjects, it also helps children to learn to read, write and make decisions. On the other hand, television programmes to teach the same subject will not bring in these benefits and make the children a lazy learner. Moreover, children are not keen to watch such educational programs. They are more interested in watching sports, movies and cartoons which may not have educational concepts but more of an entertainment factors. Obviously, the more time children spend on television is the less time they get for studying from books and thus impact the quality of their education. This would remain as a challenge for today's parents, teachers and society.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use part of Original: an inseparable thing for Suggested revision: an inseparable part of Why it matters: "Part of" is the natural expression for something embedded in a generation's life.
- 2. Use plural advances Original: The advancement in the television industry Suggested revision: Advances in the television industry Why it matters: The general development consists of multiple advances and does not require "the".
- 3. Use inclusive plural Original: the way man lives today Suggested revision: the way people live today Why it matters: "People" is a clearer and more inclusive general reference than singular "man".
- 4. Clarify event coverage Original: bringing him every event that is happening Suggested revision: bringing people coverage of events Why it matters: Television provides coverage of events rather than bringing every event to an individual.
- 5. Add introductory comma Original: For better or worse people Suggested revision: For better or worse, people Why it matters: The introductory phrase should be followed by a comma.
- 6. Use cause for concern Original: a matter of worry Suggested revision: a cause for concern Why it matters: "A cause for concern" is the natural expression for a worrying issue.
- 7. Use broadcast programmes Original: Television can bring in educational programs Suggested revision: Television can broadcast educational programmes Why it matters: Television broadcasts programmes; "bring in" is not the appropriate verb here.
- 8. Use adjective traditional Original: tradition Suggested revision: traditional Why it matters: The noun "tradition" must be changed to the adjective "traditional" before "way".
- 9. Use wealth of information Original: a great amount of well-focused information Suggested revision: a wealth of focused information Why it matters: The revision is more concise and uses a natural collocation for abundant information.
- 10. Match plural books Original: it also helps children Suggested revision: they also help children Why it matters: The pronoun and verb must agree with the plural antecedent "Books".
- 11. Use relative clause Original: to Suggested revision: that Why it matters: A relative clause is needed to describe the programmes' function.
- 12. Use provide benefits Original: bring in these benefits Suggested revision: provide these benefits Why it matters: "Provide" is the natural verb for supplying benefits.
Suggested Rewrites
- an inseparable thing for an inseparable part of
- The advancement in the television industry Advances in the television industry
- the way man lives today the way people live today
- bringing him every event that is happening bringing people coverage of events
- For better or worse people For better or worse, people
- a matter of worry a cause for concern
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response sustains a clear view that books remain the stronger learning tool and gives relevant reasons concerning focused information, literacy skills, entertainment preferences, and lost study time. Its main limitation is that the argument lacks concrete evidence and is presented in one dense paragraph containing frequent awkward or malformed sentences; the highest-priority improvement is to organise distinct ideas into paragraphs and support the comparison with a specific educational example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response clearly supports the statement with several relevant reasons, though claims about television and educational outcomes remain general and unsupported.
Use a specific example to compare how a book and an educational programme teach the same skill or subject.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument moves broadly from television use to the benefits of books and the displacement of study time, but the single paragraph and one severely overloaded sentence weaken flow.
Separate the introduction, book benefits, television limitations, and conclusion into clear paragraphs with focused topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
The response uses adequate vocabulary for media, education, development, and entertainment, but several inaccurate word choices and collocations reduce precision.
Use natural expressions such as integral part, adverse effect, traditional method, educational content, and passive learner.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted, but frequent agreement, comparative, article, word-form, and clause-boundary errors sometimes obscure relationships.
Write complete main clauses before adding subordinate details, then proofread agreement and comparative constructions systematically.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well-educated today. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.