Television injects violence in children, and programs with violent scenes should be banned. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
According to social studies, violence among children is escalating day by day, which keeps the entire nation on alert, especially their parents. Some people argue that the best solution to this thorny issue iscite the best solution to this thorny issue is to eliminate all violence-related programs on television, while otherstelevision while others perceive it as a drastic answer.
On the one handOn one hand, it is undeniable that with a view to attracting an increasing number of viewers each year, producersprogrammers try to modify their movies, shows and documentariesdocuments dotted with sensational scenes, particularly violent onesparticularly violence one. Studies have shown that some kids who used guns and threatened others at school confessed that they just naively imitated the heroic actionsimitated naively their heroic actions on television. In this case, television programs are partly to blame. Nevertheless, would it behe totally equitable when the reasons are traced to other sources, such as the internet, newspapers, and other mediasay, internet, newspaper and others, apart from television? The internet is a typical example of such a pervasive influenceInternet is a typical example of having such viral influence which adversely affects children's behaviourwhich affects adversely kids’ behavior due to belligerent online games while newspapers and picture books are fraught with images ofwith guns, whips and other means, even in the hands of sexy teenagers.
In addition, the lack of parental caring, environment and more education are culprits of spiral violence among children. Born and raisedBorn and growing up in families where their parents often resort to barbaric actions in teaching children, the latter are likelyvulnerable to see this behavior as acceptable whereas educators, instead of endeavoring to instil moral values in childrenengender in children’s moral codes, are too busy with academic teaching and leave this responsibility to parentscast this mission on the parents who are unfortunately caught in the rat racein the circle of rat race. Children are not spared the social effects when they are living in the society in which the unemployment rate is on the rise, leading to a corresponding climb in crime rate. In a word, without close supervision of parents and educators and a crime-free ambiance in places where children live, it is undeniable that they will be easily injected with any flow of thinking and action, especially from uncut sources on the internet, television and through unhealthy real life experience.
Other effective remedies to this dilemma are that programs on television should be censored before being publicly shown along with the limitation of age in watching any violence-related movies. More importantly, it is time for the governmentit is time for government to set limit on themselves for the fact that they often let advertisers and producers promote sensational programs for profit rather than educational purposesfor the sake of profit, rather than educational one. It would be ironic to expect kids to be exempt from violence when each day, their eyes are awake with aggressive actions from celebrities on television’s advertisement.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response develops a substantial argument through relevant causes, examples, and practical alternatives to a total ban, demonstrating a broad vocabulary and a generally logical direction. However, the stance remains more implied than explicitly stated, and frequent awkward constructions sometimes blur otherwise useful ideas; the highest priority is to state a clear degree of agreement and organise the supporting discussion around that position in controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Relevant reasons and alternatives are developed at length, but the response never states its precise degree of agreement clearly and lacks a concluding confirmation of its position.
State directly that a total ban is excessive, then make every paragraph support that judgment and close with a concise conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress broadly from television's influence to other causes and alternative remedies, though long paragraphs and overextended sentences weaken clarity.
Give each paragraph one sharply defined function and split long chains of causes and examples into shorter, more purposeful units.
Lexical Resource
There is a broad and sometimes sophisticated lexical range, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices make the expression uneven.
Choose natural combinations for violence, parental care, censorship, and government regulation, checking that each ambitious word expresses the intended meaning.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts many complex forms, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, clause construction, and sentence control occasionally strain comprehension.
Use fewer overloaded sentence structures and check subject-verb agreement and clause boundaries before adding subordinate detail.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Television injects violence in children, and programs with violent scenes should be banned. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.